Sew What’s Up Presents
The Sew What’s New Archive
This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and
quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was
retired in August 2007. It is being provided by
“Sew What’s Up,”
which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: Aimee S
Date: 07-10-2003, 01:28 PM (1 of 18)
|
Have you ever realy thought about LOVE.... Like are people really in love or just the idea of love or not being alone? After having my Grandmother 96 and Grandfather 98 over to visit Gan Ma I have to wonder. They celebrated 80 years last month. The way they talk to each other would make you hair curl. And if my hubby said some of the things Grandpa said He would be picking himself off the ground and trying to get the frying pan out of his head. Then later they will be holding hands and kissing each other so tenderly. The reason I think they are in love with the idea of not being alone is that I asked Grandmother about her life for the book I keep Like a baby book but for grandparents. She told me of the Good Ol days. How they survived her bout with alcohol. and how in the Good ol days there was no divorce and that it was acceptable and normal for men to have girlfriends. They would never leave their wives but it was the norm to have a mistress. I would not get a divorce from my hubby if he did this but I would visit his grave often. Is it love or is it the Idea of love and how can any one be sure if we are in love. The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!
http://photos.yahoo.com/aimeehs29 |
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003 Total posts: 488 
|
From: MaryW
Date: 07-10-2003, 01:59 PM (2 of 18)
|
Good questions Aimee, and I don't know the answer. I just know that we have been thru a lot and we have stuck around. Wanting to be with the other, no matter what.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
|
From: Marion B
Date: 07-10-2003, 07:02 PM (3 of 18)
|
Aimee, Whenever the thought of a divorce popped into my head, I would ask myself, "Is life better with or without him". The answer was always, with him -- so we weathered the tough times. And believe me, there were some tough times! He passed away 11 years ago and I still miss him desperately. Marion
|
User: Marion B
Member since: 08-15-2000 Total posts: 39 |
From: luvmymunchkins
Date: 07-10-2003, 11:27 PM (4 of 18)
|
You know, I try not to figure out anyone's relationship. Things are not always what they seem from the outside. I have had some nasty words for my husband before, and him for me, but I don't doubt our love for each other. I expect over the next 50 years or so I will not always be in love with him, but I will always love him. People are after all human, and I doubt there is any couple out there who always treats their spouse the way they should. I know there have been times I have been in a bad mood and been to short with my husband, and I do apologize to him for it. Marriage is full of ups and downs, maybe your grandmother happens to like his particular rollercoaster. Leticia |
User: luvmymunchkins
Member since: 04-28-2003 Total posts: 32 
|
From: Magot
Date: 07-20-2003, 08:02 PM (5 of 18)
|
When I was a kid I used to think that the way my Mum and Dad swore and fought and seemed to hate each other was surely reason to separate and make life better for the rest of us. Mum would never use the divorce word - it was a cardinal sin, I wasn't allowed to play with kids whose parents were divorced, she felt they were somehow dirty. They seemed to have a happier home life than I did that's for sure! Dad had to go on training with the army once a year and used to write to my Mum. One day I found the letters - they were so tender. You never can tell what is in the roots of another persons relationships. I think there is a lot of confusion these days with "being in love" and "being in lust" we have kids at school ( age 12) who we have to pluck off each other 5 or 6 times a day and they tell us we are "unfare because they are in love". I can't seem to convince them that if they are that grown up then they should realise that school is a work environment and adults are not in each others clothing all the time - or am I missing something here in my naivite? love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
|
From: plrlegal
Date: 07-21-2003, 12:53 AM (6 of 18)
|
The reason we have such a high rate of births by teenage children and divorce in this country is because people cannot distringuish between "love" and "lust". I realize that there are marriages that cannot be endured due to abuse, etc. However, most of the divorce I've seen stems from two people who don't bother to get to know who the other person really is and go into marriage thinking they can change the other person to make them what they want and expect them to be or that the starry eyed, huggy kissy thing will last for 50 years. Once they find out that it involves dirty dishes, dirty socks, dirty underwear, wet towels on the bathroom floor, etc., the lust cools down real fast. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment because I married the same man twice. I decided a long time ago to pick my battles wisely in all areas of my life. It sure does cut down on stress and grief. I choose to save my energy for the really major issues that come up. Patsy Patsy
|
User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: MaryW
Date: 07-21-2003, 07:28 AM (7 of 18)
Patsy, I have come to the same conclusion s-l-o-w-l-y. Not too bright sometimes.  Who or what brought you to that decision? MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
|
From: plrlegal
Date: 07-21-2003, 03:51 PM (8 of 18)
|
Mary I think being able to watch and listen to married couples during my 20 years of being single played a very big part in how I feel today about which battles I choose to fight in both my work and private life. I've heard and watched married couples rip one another to shreds over the silliest most minute stuff that just seemed to take so much energy and create so much emotional turmoil in their lives. I used to think to myself that I would rather be single the rest of my life than to live like that on a daily basis. And, the one thing I still do not understand even today is why married people have such a hard time being nice to one another. Most married people are more polite and nicer to complete strangers than they are to the person they profess to love the most and be the closest too. What is wrong with married people saying please and thank you to one another. Did they leave all of that outside the door of the church the day the got married? It's like some peoples' live become a war zone they minute they say I do. Patsy Patsy
|
User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: Sherri
Date: 07-21-2003, 04:55 PM (9 of 18)
|
I tend to think we often take our s.o. for granted and this leads to a lot of the fighting. I know I often take Poul for granted but I do try to remember common courtesy's like please and thank you and I love you. I also tend to beleive that society has made divorce way to easy. Now a days it seems like if the going gets tough everyone just divorces. I think my marriage is something worth fighting for. Sherri My website
|
User: Sherri
Member since: 02-07-2001 Total posts: 357 |
From: plrlegal
Date: 07-21-2003, 10:01 PM (10 of 18)
|
Exactly Sherri. I have found that just common courtesy goes a long way toward keeping the uproar down. And, yes, divorce has become way too easy these days. People think it's easier to ditch the problems they are facing and start all over again. I just know that daily living with the opposite sex, no matter how much you love them, can be turned into a real challenge and constant emotional uproar and for my money, that kind of life is strictly for the birds. Patsy Patsy
|
User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: Mother in Law
Date: 07-21-2003, 11:39 PM (11 of 18)
|
I too married the same man twice and it's 34 years on Aug 2 that we are married. We divorced after 6 years of marriage because he was messing around and I left him when I found out about it. It took him just 3 months to see that we all have the same body parts and they are used the same way. Anyway he came back begging for forgiveness. I'm a catholic and after discussing this with my priest before the divorce found out that even if I was legally divorced by law in the eyes of God in my church I would be married for life. He wanted the divorce I didn't but gave him one with the advice of a good lawyer who advised me if he loved me which the lawyer thought he still did, let him go and if it's worth keeping he'll come back. He did and we legally got married again and the nuns were my witnesses the second time around. According to the priest I only blessed my marriage in the church the second time because the first marriage was still in effect as far as they were concerned. Anyway, we have been through a lot with 3 sons and 34 years later but I can tell you one thing. He is my soul mate. He's my every thought of every day and what I live and breathe for as are my kids and grandkids. Love is never what you can do for me but what can I do for you. True love is something you feel inside even when things stink on the outside. Even when I was divorced I knew there would never be another, he was the only one. Oh yeah I cuss him when he makes me mad but under all that anger, the love is always stonger than any other emotion I could ever feel. And it's funny he told me in his own way he feels the same for me. God sent him to me and he's not perfect but neither am I. That's what love is to me. And I'm in love with my husband. I know it. Susie |
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: Mother in Law
Date: 07-21-2003, 11:46 PM (12 of 18)
|
And another thing. It's easy to second guess love when you're trying to raise kids, pay mortages, have a job and juggle all kinds of other things. Just ask yourself, Aimee, What would life be without him? Maybe you'll find your answer by asking that question. It's not easy but most things worth while aren't easy. Susie |
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: plrlegal
Date: 07-22-2003, 11:27 AM (13 of 18)
|
I agree Susie but in today's society too many people take a walk when things get tough or the other person doesn't seem to be meeting all of your expectations, wants and needs. My dh is also my soul mate and I truly believe that I'm his. We finish each other's sentences or voice what the other one is thinking. My sisters say we're scary. Like i said before, I don't let the small things aggravate and push my buttons anymore. Life's too short and has too many major things to deal with. Patsy Patsy
|
User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: Magot
Date: 07-22-2003, 12:05 PM (14 of 18)
|
Any relationship takes work. At the beginning it is fantastic, maple finish - looks great. Then the veneer wears off and you hit chipboard - how many people are willing to stay when you hit chipboard or do they run off in search of more veneer. (This metaphor is getting out of hand) I'll stick with my chipboard, I know where I am and as we grow together we fit better and better. Underneath it all I'm chipboard too.
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
|
From: Mother in Law
Date: 07-22-2003, 05:03 PM (15 of 18)
|
One problem today is they don't take time to get to know the person they are going to spend the rest of their lives with. I dated my hubby for 4 years before we got married. Of course I dated him since I was 13 and he too. I think that was one of the reasons he thought at the beginning that there might be something else out there he missed out on. I've learned a lot from him and he from me. I was raised you turn the other cheek and we weren't poor but not rich either. He was dirt poor and they fought for everything they got or wanted. So we both brought good into our marriage but we both had our faults and ways that we both had to compromise a little each way. The older he gets the mellower he gets and the older I get the more hard headed I get. So it evens out in the end. But they have to stick it out long enough to get to that point and now a days they don't. What is so funny, the more they jump from partner to partner the more they have to come to the conclusion, no matter who you're with it takes compromise on BOTH parts. I feel bad for the poor kids who are going through all this with their parents. What's it going to be like when they grow up and think this is normal. Susie |
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: Magot
Date: 07-22-2003, 05:16 PM (16 of 18)
|
I think I read a survey that predicted that by 2011 there will be more children from one parent or divorced families than from your 'normal' 2 parent. Now I know some fantastic one parenters who are a lot better off that way but inside of me it feels best for a kid to have 2 who care for each other. You need the mutual support and sounding boards for when ( when you'll note not if) you are getting a l-i-t-t-l-e paranoid. I hate it when Tony tells me I've gone too far - but I have the grace to kow he's probably right. He don't like it much when I correct him either - but at least we do it in private - he always backs me up in front of the kids. love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
|
From: Mother in Law
Date: 07-22-2003, 05:20 PM (17 of 18)
| Very true Jan |
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: threads_40
Date: 07-26-2003, 06:33 PM (18 of 18)
|
I too married my husband for the second time. In all these years and after 7 children and 11 grandchildren, We still have had only one arguement. And to this day we do not know what it was about. What I do know and is that it is important to remember that you are 2 different people with 2 different personalities. Respect will take you a long way on both sides. I think of things like this, if I do not like my feelings hurt then I do not try to hurt his. He does not try to change me and I do not want him to change. That is what makes us unique. About 2 months ago my sister moved in with us temporarily while she is putting her life back together. She told me last week she has never heard us arguing and actually thought it was really strange. Imagine that. We get along very well my DH and I. I am very grateful for that. Now do not get me wrong. We give each other those looks...LOL and we do not agree an everything. Not in the least. But we get along great and have learned that comprimise can be a great tool. I always said that I do not drink, party or go "clubbing", smoke or stay out all night. If he can put up with my unsatible appetite for fabric and sewing, then he was the one for me. If I can just get him to remember the toilet seat.....  threads_40 "Your goal is greater than your struggle"
|
User: threads_40
Member since: 03-26-2001 Total posts: 28 
|
Visit Sew What’s Up for the latest sewing and quilting tips and discussions.
This page was originally located on Sew What’s New (www.sew-whats-new.com) at http://www.sew-whats-new.com/vb/archive/index.php/t-10389.html
Sew What’s Up is hosted by ZenSoft