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This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: MaryW
Date: 07-30-2003, 08:33 AM (1 of 12)
I think when you are invited to several showers, expected to bring a gift each time, then to the wedding as well is tacky. Not only that, but seldom receive a thank you note for anything. What ever happened to manners in this day and age?

What else is tacky? I never liked the coloured pantyhose that was popular a few years back. Just my personal dislike.
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User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
From: maps
Date: 07-30-2003, 08:58 AM (2 of 12)
how about when your invited to a b-day party and asked to bring a covered dish... along with a gift... when the family does this i always offer to bring something but when it's outside the family i really think this is sooo tacky.

i agree, what ever happened to a thank-you note??

ahh, i liked the colored panty hose on little girls! not grown women though.

rude people, who think they know what's going to come out of your mouth and interupt then try and finish what your were going to say, i usually let them go then say no, then finish what was on my mind, it usually works
User: maps
Member since: 06-18-2003
Total posts: 152
Date: 07-30-2003, 02:57 PM (3 of 12)
I recently made an entire baby's room for a co-worker, bumpers 3 sheets, quilt, dust ruffle and wall hanging. Another co-worker paid for 1/2 the fabric I paid for the rest. Her sister's knowing what I was doing, asked me to bring a desert and an appetiser to shower. I found that to be really tacky.

I agree thank you's seem to be a thing of the past.
Member since: 10-31-2002
Total posts: 74
From: brendalou
Date: 07-30-2003, 07:13 PM (4 of 12)
My biggest tackies deal with weddings... pretty much everything associated with them.... I think the old traditions are completly outdated and out of line. Asking 15 ladies to be in your wedding, expecting them to fork over $250 for a gown, a gift, host showers, THEN to be told we needed to chip in $100 a piece for the bachelorette party, and it is out of town so the plane tickets and the hotel are over 1100 for two people!... GIVE ME A BREAK! I can honestly say, I have NEVER met anyone who enjoys being in a wedding except the bride and groom. I had ONE attendent, and I PAID for her dress. Sorry, major peeve of mine!
==Brenda Lou
User: brendalou
Member since: 10-07-2002
Total posts: 2
From: Dede
Date: 07-31-2003, 08:12 AM (5 of 12)
Mary, be honest: you never wore those pink pantyhose with a line in the back :bg:
User: Dede
Member since: 03-23-2001
Total posts: 469
From: Magot
Date: 07-31-2003, 12:11 PM (6 of 12)
But my daughters have black and red striped tights?.... or pink and purple toe socks?
I have not come across the tradition of 'showers' that you seem to have there. If someone has a baby here a group of us girls gather round to make sure they have meals provided for 2-3 weeks and the housework done - we do practical help. If someone gets engaged we are happy , but don't give pressies. Having wedding lists to me seems a bit mercenary - especially if they all seem to be only of Really Expensive Items! My 75 year old Grandad, upset by the Crystal demanded on one list rather satirically anounced that he wanted to buy the 3 piece suite!
love and kisses, Jan
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
From: Aimee S
Date: 07-31-2003, 05:41 PM (7 of 12)
You want to talk tacky told you one incedent with the inlaws but how about telling a 12 yr old boy that his B day gift is a 25 dolloar depoist in an account for him and he can only have it after he is 18 and if she still likes him and then sticks out her tounge at him.

Or better MIL and SIL said they were throughin you a baby shower. We really needed it cause Hubby got injured and had been out of work for the last 6 months and then the day you show up for the showere she tells you she canceled it cause she was tired. No gifts no anything went into labor the next day with nothing for the baby. Hubby had to go to the store to get him something to come home in. This was back when you were discharged the next morning. I was only in the hospital for 13 hrs. I learned the hard way never never trust a family members word. then 12 years later. I get a nasty phone call cause I chose a Best friend's son's wedding where they gave me a gift and asked that I sit with the groom's family for sewing the Groomsmen's vests and ties over SIL baby shower. and MIL through SIL her shower when she was only 3 months along. God forbid but what if something happened and welll.....

Or how about them telling me that my kids that were in her wedding would have to go to a babysitters after the ceremony cause she did not want kids at the reception. Hubby agreed with her. I told him I would leave with them then He fought for them to stay and ignored me and danced with his aunt. He has not danced with me in 10 years cause of his knee injury.

If I did not think he was a good father I would leave cause he is a lousy husband when it comes to my feelings.

How about this for tacky. He is out of town for 2 weeks. asked if the kids and I could come down for the weekend. Told him I could get a babysitter and then we could enjoy a free hotel alone. he says na if the kids arent coming.

Thanks for hearing me rant and rage. But tacky is also a pet peeve

How about this for tacky people talking on cel phones soo loud the interupt your thoughts or conversations with others. at bookstores, grocery stores, restraunts, diners, movies, everywhere.
The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003
Total posts: 488
Date: 07-31-2003, 05:50 PM (8 of 12)

Inlaws can be a touchy subject. I have come to enjoy mine but I don't count on them for anything. Sounds like you need a mommy's mental health day or weekend. Leave kids with hubby for the weekend and go on a retreat or something. I feel your frustration. I was there not to long ago. I finally got away and then hubby and kids seemed to appreciate more and its good for the soul

Good Luck

Member since: 10-31-2002
Total posts: 74
From: plrlegal
Date: 07-31-2003, 11:19 PM (9 of 12)
In our church they seem to feel it is necessary to give baby showers for each baby a couple has. Give me a break. I now buy a gift when a couple is having their first baby and after that forget it. Recently a couple that was expecting their 2nd baby posted a notice in the chuch newspaper that they would prefer money gifts rather than baby clothes. Now that to me is tacky!! I have also seen posted with the church wide wedding shower notice that the couple would prefer only gifts purchased from their gift registries.

User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001
Total posts: 318
From: Betina
Date: 08-01-2003, 08:21 PM (10 of 12)
I dont do showers anymore.. I take a gift to the wedding with me... usually its a basket with wooden spoons spatulas dishcloths and towels salt and pepper shaker egg timer and such small kitchen gagets... After a baby is born my gift is a basket full of lotion diapers shampoo thermometer nail clippers.. small things like that... same gift everytime... Registry gifts are expensive and I refuse to buy an expensive gift on a wedding registry that will sit in the closet for years or end up on a garage sale table in a year or two or spend money on designer baby clothes that might never be worn.. If the recipient request money instead of a gift then I dont do anything at all. Asking for money instead is the tackiest..
User: Betina
Member since: 04-21-2003
Total posts: 31
From: Bama
Date: 08-02-2003, 09:42 PM (11 of 12)
I think if someone asks you to be in a wedding, THEY should pay for your gown. My sis had a big wedding and my parents paid for the attendants dresses. My mom and sis shopped around for months and found nice AND affordable dresses.
If they can't afford to, maybe they shouldn't be having such a large wedding. Just my opinion.
If they still ask you to buy your own clothes to wear in THEIR wedding, they could at least pick out something that's not so expensive.

We received wedding invitation today from a relative several states away. They know we can't take off work enough days to travel that far, not to mention the expense for us to go.
I feel like it's more of an invitation to send a gift. Shame on me for saying that, they're nice kids, but now I feel obligated to buy a gift.
By the way, it says "Adult Reception Immediately Following"
What would we do with our kids if we could go?
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000
Total posts: 2116
From: weB2cats
Date: 08-19-2003, 12:58 AM (12 of 12)
I find the two choices here are to say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable with that" (party attendance, gift suggestion, or anything that involves you in anything you'd rather not do).

And, don't feel you have to explain why you aren't comfortable. Who says you have to comply with every request that comes at you? Obviously, some people are thick skinned or selfish in their motives for asking you to attend an event, while at the same time asking you to pay your way. What nerve!

Personally, I would never attend a wedding that requested me to purchase my own gown. And I don't attend parties that blatantly demand I bring a food dish. If it's a hosted party, isn't that what party implies? That the fixings are already taken care of. I don't drink so the cost of booze isn't my concern. If the host or hostess has to ask you to bring something that they can't cover, too bad. I'll skip that gig. If you have special diet considerations, that would be different, I suppose.

Basically, I have no problem whatsoever turning down invitations to anything that smells fishy! I can't imagine the crassness of
someone telling you what to buy for a gift or bring to a party. That would take all the fun out of the giving. Where's the element of surprise?

Or negotiate what you are willing to pay and how much-you have a limit on your spending. After all, who doesn't have more pressing needs for their hard earned dollars/francs/pesos, etc?
User: weB2cats
Member since: 11-07-2002
Total posts: 232
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