Sew What’s Up Presents
The Sew What’s New Archive
This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and
quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was
retired in August 2007. It is being provided by
“Sew What’s Up,”
which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: Aimee S
Date: 12-03-2003, 01:45 PM (1 of 32)
|
Let me set up the problem. My hubby's grandmother on his father side crochetted all my boys bonnet and sweater sets. Really fru fru ones. But they wore them as infants. She passed away 5 years ago. Before she died I was 5 months along with the last one. She made him also a sweater but it is very boyish. They had to wait till the frost to bury her and that is when they went through her things and found the sweater. Nik was to big to wear it by the time we got it. Problem. MIL and SIL are demanding that I give them all of the boys sweater sets for her baby that is 10 mon. The sets might fit cause she is a small baby. Hubby tells them to go pound sand. Now they are calling me telling me how SIL has nothing for her baby becasue GG dies before she had her baby. (SIL is 40) Hubby tells her she should have had her kids when other do when they are young. I tell them that they belong to the boys for thier children. (I have them sealed in keepsake boxes) They asked my boys if they could have them for the baby. My boys not knowing how important they are said they did not want them. you know baby clothes. Now they are calling each day crying for the clothes cause the boys dont care about them and MIL also wants the bib she made for my oldest first Christmas to give to her daughters baby for her first Christmas. Should I hold on to the items or give them up to make peace. The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!
http://photos.yahoo.com/aimeehs29 |
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003 Total posts: 488 
|
From: MaryW
Date: 12-03-2003, 02:02 PM (2 of 32)
|
Aimee, this is really a toughie. I think things that were given to your boys belong to them. However, I think I would give in and let them have the baby sets. I couldn't be bothered with the pettiness. You have better things to worry about. She has clothes for her baby, she is not naked. To argue about a bib is really silly too. I think you are above all this, but that is just my humble opinion. What does anyone else have to say about this? It's a good Dr. Phil question. What would he say? MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
|
From: bren
Date: 12-03-2003, 02:10 PM (3 of 32)
I'm sorry but ... I can't believe the nerve of some people  ...I would not give them my sweaters unless ...I really wanted to... I would tell them to pound salt!!! and that would be the end for me ...I would never let them talk to me about it again... I would talk about everything else but that .Just my opinion... Now have a nice day Aimee S. 
Bren:
Don't let anyone ...Live Rent Free In Your Head |
User: bren
Member since: 11-30-2002 Total posts: 489 
|
From: MaryW
Date: 12-03-2003, 02:12 PM (4 of 32)
|
Yep, nervy is right. But who is going to argue over a bib. Helloooo.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
|
From: dmoses
Date: 12-03-2003, 02:30 PM (5 of 32)
I suggest a compromise...Aimee, embroider your sons' names on the sweaters, then give them away... Seriously, though, life is too short to argue about these things. I would take pictures of the sweaters as a remembrance, and then I would let the little cousin have them. I'm sure that grandma put a lot of love in those stitches, and she would probably want you to spread it around...especially to the new baby. Good memories are the only things worth keeping.  Just my $.02...Probably more than my opinions are worth!!! Take care,
Donna |
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002 Total posts: 964 
|
From: Magot
Date: 12-03-2003, 03:02 PM (6 of 32)
|
I don't have any of my kids baby clothes - they have all been passed on to others to use. It gives me a real kick to see little kids in stuff I have made that is still doind the rounds! There is so little use out of them, when your kids have kids are they really likely to want to use the things? Why not pass on the baby clothes? It is a cheek to ask for them though but wouldn't G G prefer they were used and kept another baby warm? Could they give them back for your boys when the baby grows out of them - they will hardly been worn out! love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
|
From: MaryW
Date: 12-03-2003, 04:02 PM (7 of 32)
Anyone want my first bib. LOL
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
|
From: Aimee S
Date: 12-03-2003, 04:25 PM (8 of 32)
|
I really dont mind the bib. but for hubby it was the last straw. I did not save any of the kids clothes except for thier clothes home from the hospital and thier christening gowns and these sweater sets that they were christened in. There is no real warmth to them they are the light weight lacy type. Hubby has always had the problem of his sister getting every thing. Like they gave her 10000.00 for a DP on a house and they would not even help us and we had 2 kids at the time and she was not even married. (I like that we did it on our own) but for hubby. He really feels this is the one thing he has on her. I want to give the sets but how do I go around my Hubby. The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!
http://photos.yahoo.com/aimeehs29 |
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003 Total posts: 488
|
From: MaryW
Date: 12-03-2003, 05:25 PM (9 of 32)
|
Tell him you love him so much you don't want to cause commotion or stress, would that work.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
|
From: Magot
Date: 12-03-2003, 05:58 PM (10 of 32)
|
If he has an issue with it, then I would see your priority is supporting your hubby not the in laws. He is the one you vowed to support through thick and thin, not them. My method would be to tell him how I felt but let him make the decision and once it is made, I would never question it. When my daughter was young (18months) we nearly moved to Alberqueque - Tony had a place for a PhD - I told him I didn't want to go but he chose to go so I sold my bike, my sewing machine and my house ready to go. Then they told us that Tony could go but Katie and I weren't allowed in ( or if we did we had to stay there and not leave the country for a year, difficult as my Dad was terminally ill...)so we didn't go, and instead moved to a bigger house. My attitude was one of I have thrown my lot in with this man and I will make the best of his decisions - but that doesn't mean I can't pray it into not happening! As it was we moved to a lovely part of town, Tony got a new job and I got pregnant! All serene then! What you chose Aimee has got to fit your notion of marriage - who will you be married to him or them? I can't see at the moment that you can please both.. love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
|
From: MaryW
Date: 12-03-2003, 06:09 PM (11 of 32)
|
Somehow, I can't quite picture you in Albuquerque Magot.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
|
From: mamahoogie
Date: 12-03-2003, 06:18 PM (12 of 32)
|
This has nothing to do with the sweaters. It's a power struggle, plain and simple. I bet the trend over the years is this: If brother has something sis doesn't then sis squaks til she gets it -because she is more important - in her mind. My suggestion is to make sure your husband is ok with having a rift in the family over a couple of baby sweaters and if he is, then I say support him. It's his family and he really should have the say. I didn't keep any of my girls' baby clothes either, all got passed on for others to enjoy but if I had a sister like your hubby's who "demanded" things I had, I probably would have told her to go pound salt too. That's my 2-1/2cents worth.  p.s. I thought I was the only one left who used the expression "go pound salt". I told my dtr to tell someone that just a few months ago and she fell over laughing. She had no idea what it meant. I've decided to live forever - so far, so good.
|
User: mamahoogie
Member since: 12-25-2002 Total posts: 461 |
From: Magot
Date: 12-03-2003, 06:19 PM (13 of 32)
|
Not me, huh? I don't think I could cope with my kids having yankee accents - we are all terribly British! it is hot and dry though! love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
|
From: duelingneedles
Date: 12-03-2003, 06:28 PM (14 of 32)
|
I myself would keep them -- you still are making decisions for your kids until they are on their own -- who knows their spouses might be the sentimental kind that would surely appreciate a father and then son same pose or mom daughter same pose for the family album just my 2 cents -- yes my sis threw a tizzy on an item too and never got it -- stitchin' up a storm
"T" |
User: duelingneedles
Member since: 11-09-2003 Total posts: 11 
|
From: brendalou
Date: 12-03-2003, 08:47 PM (15 of 32)
|
Well.............personally, i am at a loss on this situation because #1 - SIL needs to GROW UP #2 I can see them wanting to have something she made #3 Who in the H*LL to they think they are asking the boys anything like that #4 you need to have hubby deal with this one -- if they call again, defer them to your hubby - period. Tell your hubby how you feel (specifically if it really matters or doesn't matter to you who has the outfits) then let him handle the situation and keep yourself out of it as much as possible. Sorry I don't have a better answer for you, but I am just in SHOCK that two women their age would act in this manner... REALLY!!!!!!!!! -bRENDA ==Brenda Lou
|
User: brendalou
Member since: 10-07-2002 Total posts: 2 |
From: james.diane
Date: 12-04-2003, 12:54 AM (16 of 32)
|
This is a tough one, part of me says give them the sweaters- it's not worth the hassle, but then another part of me says why should you give in to them, especially if this is important to you? I mean, what will be next - the clothes off your kids back??! I think it's awful that they asked your kids, especially after you had made your feelings clear. If this baby really is short of clothes ( and I am suspect that she is not ) I would say " stand by your man" , you would expect him to do the same for you. Maybe you could knit/ sew something for the baby for xmas!!Let us know what happens.
Diane :)
|
User: james.diane
Member since: 09-23-2003 Total posts: 100 |
From: maps
Date: 12-04-2003, 07:04 AM (17 of 32)
|
aimee, i'd definitly tell them to go pound salt! they were made for your boys, not your hubbys sisters kids... boy i hate when in-laws get involved then make your life miserable!!!
Marge
|
User: maps
Member since: 06-18-2003 Total posts: 152 
|
From: jcook
Date: 12-04-2003, 01:12 PM (18 of 32)
|
Lots of wise women on this board! I'll agree with the need to support your husband on this one. One possible peacemaking scenario: There are usually a lot of holiday boutiques at this time of year and generally there is at least one or two other "grandma's" with knit or crocheted baby sets. These things are also made with love by someone who likely doesn't have someone else to knit for. If it is truly about the sentimental reason, that GG made the sweaters, then your MIL and SIL should understand and be happy that you are holding onto them for your boy's children. This shows that you loved her enough to keep her memory around too. Asking the boys themselves was foolish, they won't want them until they have children of their own. Jill |
User: jcook
Member since: 08-16-2000 Total posts: 50 |
From: Aimee S
Date: 12-05-2003, 02:04 PM (19 of 32)
|
I also agree there are alot of wise women her. Ones I consider sisters. I took the pictures of the boys in thier sweaters to a local craft mall and got a set that is so close I could not tell the differnece to one of the original sweater. We went to MIL last night where SIL was picking up her daughter. We brought the bib and the copy sweater set. I gave them to her and she wanted to know where the one sets where. Hubby told her one kid one set. She got angry and stomed out. Without the set or bib. MIL took the items and said since WE could not get along that WE were not invited to her house for Christmas Eve. (We have been doing since before the boys) because SIL will be there. I told her if she would like I would leave the boys so they could be with thier GM on Christmas eve like always. She said NO because she cant take care of that many children. We left. I am relieved not to go cause SIL always cause a family problem during the holidays. Sad cause they look forward to GM on Christmas eve to open gifts from GM. The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!
http://photos.yahoo.com/aimeehs29 |
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003 Total posts: 488
|
From: MaryW
Date: 12-05-2003, 06:13 PM (20 of 32)
|
Aimee, I'm sorry that happened to you but you are probably better off with less hassle and grief. You have your hubby and family, have a great Christmas with them and count your blessings. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
|
From: mamahoogie
Date: 12-05-2003, 06:28 PM (21 of 32)
|
How sad that your SIL is so selfish and your MIL feeds it. Time to start new family traditions for Christmas. Let's hope MIL does not take this out on your boys but if she does, you will have to explain to them that it is not their fault because kids always blame themselves whenever there is a family dispute. And I know one thing for sure, I bet you are going to be a great mother-in-law when it's your turn. You'll know exactly what not to do. I have a great relationship with all 3 of my SonsIL's and I plan to keep it that way. Take care and don't let your SIL and MIL ruin another moment of your day. It is their loss.
I've decided to live forever - so far, so good.
|
User: mamahoogie
Member since: 12-25-2002 Total posts: 461 |
From: dmoses
Date: 12-05-2003, 08:46 PM (22 of 32)
|
Aimee, I am sooooo sorry that things are going the way they are. It is a lot of stress on top of an already stressful season. Perhaps it is time to start some new traditions of your own, as someone else suggested, and try not to let other people's meanness get you down. I know that is a tall order, especially when your children are affected. We have rarely spent time with relatives at Christmas, simply because we live so far from family. On Christmas Eve, we usually go to church(I know that's not for everyone:smile , and then we drive around and look at all the houses that are decorated so beautifully. It sort of sets the tone for the 'magic' of the night. When the kids were younger, they would want to go to bed as soon as we got home, excited about Santa's arrival. We still love to do the drive around, even though both kids are now teenagers. Take care,
Donna |
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002 Total posts: 964
|
From: Magot
Date: 12-06-2003, 02:22 AM (23 of 32)
|
Aimee (hugs) I think you did the right thing with the copy set. It is hard for your hubby to know that his sis and mum are causing such trouble but it will be much less stressful to spend time together with each other than have to watch your words all the time at MIL's. It is a shock to kids to discover that adults are fallible but a salutory lesson. Hope you have a manipulation free Christmas love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
|
From: maps
Date: 12-06-2003, 07:16 AM (24 of 32)
hey aimee, their loss is your gain, just think of the memories you can make now with your boys, and so much less stress involved, sometimes things are a blessing in disguise. enjoy your semi-stress free holiday!!! 
Marge
|
User: maps
Member since: 06-18-2003 Total posts: 152
|
From: LeWeaver
Date: 12-06-2003, 11:05 PM (25 of 32)
|
I don't think this is a tough decision at all. The sets were made for your babies and now belong to them. The SIL didn't have a baby that's why GG didn't make anything for her right? Your inlaws are being selfish and rude. Your DH reconizes this. It was very considerate of you to have sets made for her but if you were snubbed I wouldn't try to appease them any further. A good new tradition is for SIL's mom to start making baby things for the new babies in the family from here on out. So sad you have to go through this at Christmas. |
User: LeWeaver
Member since: 11-09-2003 Total posts: 12 |
From: rissasmom
Date: 12-10-2003, 10:48 PM (26 of 32)
|
How about printing off these pages and sending them to your sil in the mail anonymously? I doubt she'll wake up and smell the coffee, but it's worth a try. Can you tell I'm the agitator in my family? Kim |
User: rissasmom
Member since: 11-28-2000 Total posts: 9 |
From: Mother in Law
Date: 12-30-2003, 12:52 AM (27 of 32)
|
I missed this post earlier but am concerned about you Aimee. This is not about the jackets. It's about ME ME ME (SIL). You were very gracious to buy new ones for her and she was very rude to refuse them. I say you did the right thing and you shouldn't have any regrets or after thougths. How was your Christmas with your family. Don't you have a Grandma that lives with you? I hope after all the ruckus she caused one day she will see how childish she really was. That's my 2 cents worth. Happy Holidays Aimee. Keep on smiling.  susie
|
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: Aimee S
Date: 12-30-2003, 02:01 AM (28 of 32)
|
I want to thank all of you for your well wishes. as it so happens they all showed up at our house and they where in spirits I have not seen in 10 years. They were happy, joyfull and a little giddy. It was one of the best Christmases ever. They even got me the most this year. Usally I get a shirt or a gift certificate. This year i made out like a bandit and SIL got gypted is her word for it. I got a great set of pots and pans that are of the highest quality. Better then we have ever had and I got a new vacum all from the IN laws. I was amazed and almost cryed. They listened to what was on my list. I hoped for one item but got two. WOW The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!
http://photos.yahoo.com/aimeehs29 |
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003 Total posts: 488
|
From: Magot
Date: 12-30-2003, 03:43 AM (29 of 32)
|
Glad to hear the breach was busted Aimee,sounds like they put in a little effort - perhaps they are beginning to value you as they should. May you have a Happy New Year with your gang of Boys/Men.( lets face it, those teens are on the brink..) It comes as a shock when you discover you are the shortest in the family, I think you have a little while to go yet!
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
|
From: MaryW
Date: 12-30-2003, 08:49 AM (30 of 32)
|
Super Aimee, that was a nice holiday surprise for you. Heaven knows you deserve it. Now sit back and be confident you know what your inlaws are really like. Things like this may pop up again in the future and you know you have a good idea of how to handle them.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
|
From: Mother in Law
Date: 12-30-2003, 09:07 AM (31 of 32)
|
I've had SIL problems when I was first married but it was the first sons wife in my husbands family who was the one who was jealous. Everytime I called her down about it she turned the tables on me and made it look like I was the jealous one, of her. God knows I didn't want anythng she had. After all she had the BIL I dated and didn't want. I just wanted my MIL and SIL (Raymond's only sister) to understand it wasn't me but it always turned to me like I was the one stirring up the trouble. Well about 10 years ago, been married 34 years now, they saw for the first time what she was all about and they don't speak to her anymore. My MIL died 7 years ago and she found out before she died that she was the jealous one, seems she did the same thing to the other SIL, (Raymond's other brothers wife), and then they saw her for what she was. As Ester on Sanford and Son always says, "The truth will set you free." And it did. 20 years later but it will. The only thing that matter to me was that my MIL and SIL didn't think bad of me when it was her all this time and evenually they did and I am happy. Sounds like you're a happy camper too Aimee. You are a good person to try and make things right with your SIL, most people would have said the heck with her. But you tired to do the right thing. It's her lost if she doesn't want to be friends with you. susie |
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: james.diane
Date: 12-30-2003, 02:58 PM (32 of 32)
|
Aimee, so glad you had a good xmas - just what you deserved! Maybe your in laws realised how awful they had been to you and your family - who knows? P.S. Magot - I have been the shortest in my family for a looong time, and my youngest is only 13! Diane :)
|
User: james.diane
Member since: 09-23-2003 Total posts: 100 |
Visit Sew What’s Up for the latest sewing and quilting tips and discussions.
This page was originally located on Sew What’s New (www.sew-whats-new.com) at http://www.sew-whats-new.com/vb/archive/index.php/t-11522.html
Sew What’s Up is hosted by ZenSoft