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From: kaykay
Date: 05-10-2004, 10:05 AM (1 of 11)
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Girls, I have a "dumb" question:we lost my mother in law to cancer this month, and of course have gotten many sympathy cards. Now, this might seem strange, but this was my first family funeral, and I've had to ask about everything . Is it customary, or necessary to reply to all the cards personally? It was a large affair, she was in public office years ago, etc. so what would you do? (We are also a big family) Also,Do you think I should save the cards I recieve & pass them on to my father in law? Or would this be hurtful?? Thanks so much Kerry Originality is undetected imitation
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User: kaykay
Member since: 02-12-2002 Total posts: 33 
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From: joannequilts
Date: 05-10-2004, 10:49 AM (2 of 11)
| From what I know it is proper to acknowledge all cards, flowers, etc with a card. |
User: joannequilts
Member since: 12-22-2000 Total posts: 3070 
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From: dmoses
Date: 05-10-2004, 11:25 AM (3 of 11)
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Here is a little info on the subject. http://www.thefuneraldirectory.com/card_thankyou.html I think you should keep the cards because they may offer some comfort later on. Take care,
Donna |
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002 Total posts: 964 
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From: Chickadee
Date: 05-11-2004, 03:41 PM (4 of 11)
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I don't think it's necessary to send a thank-you note for a card, but printing a general note in the obituary section of your paper would be a nice gesture. Thank-you notes are usually for flowers and monetary donations. Some are wise and some are otherwise ~ Proverb
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User: Chickadee
Member since: 03-23-2004 Total posts: 2 
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From: Saydee
Date: 05-11-2004, 07:20 PM (5 of 11)
| I don't think there is any hard and fast rule regarding thankyou cards. Personally I feel it is the polite thing to do. Having lost my Dad when he was only a young man and then my 2yr old son, I felt it was the right thing to do, to send thankyou cards to acknowledge and show the appreciation I got from them all. I have also appreciated getting a thankyou back too when I have sent off a card. It is nice to know they recieved it too. |
User: Saydee
Member since: 05-07-2004 Total posts: 68 
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 05-11-2004, 07:33 PM (6 of 11)
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I've been through this 4 times now... (parents and grandparents) I replied to all cards and flowers with a thank you note.. I kept the cards/flower cards with the memory book the funeral home gave me. (anyone who came to the funeral signed a book and wrote something in it...) I've kept them all in a plastic box, in the house so they won't disintegrate. I also put a thank you in the paper....I'd keep everything..it may be upsetting now, but it won't be later on and you'll be glad you kept it all. Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: paroper
Date: 05-11-2004, 08:10 PM (7 of 11)
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Unfortunately, it may depend on your area of the country/world but I believe that you are expected to respond. There were many reasons why I had trouble resonding with my mom's death. Fortunately, my wonderful husband took this charge on for me. The funeral homes here usually supply a "canned" thank you note which I think is probably fine for the people who were not personal friends and family, but if you can, it is probably best to respond to those people with a more personal short note. I am truly sorry for your loss. We lived with my mother for six years, taking care of her and her death was a horrible loss to my family (including the three teens). To top it off, my high school junior had a six week old baby born just two days before she entered the hospital. Unfortunately, death comes without allowing us to plan the best times in our lives for such loss. I am so very sorry for your loss. Our funeral home was fantastic in helping my mother when we lost our dad, getting things filed correctly, helping her change names on deeds, etc....check and see if yours will do the same...they saved us thousands of dollars in attorney fees and helped us get everything squared away in jsut a matter of a morning. They were also a great comfort when we lost Mom. pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
From: MaryW
Date: 05-12-2004, 08:35 AM (8 of 11)
Saydee, I like your little avatar. 
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
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From: LeapFrog Libby
Date: 05-14-2004, 12:43 PM (9 of 11)
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When Mom passed away in July 2002, our Service provider at the Funeral Home was so helpful and made so many wonderful suggestions for us.. Etiquette says the acknowledgement cards are to be sent for flowers, donations, food brought in, and other personal services your friends do for you. (house sitting during funeral, etc..) Cards are not required to be acknowledged. He suggested we remember to thank our friends who sent cards with special messages written in them (not just the print) at a later time when having a conversation with them..I know a lot of this has to do with where you are located in this country. But, you said she had been in the public eye at one time, and this, to me says you will get cards from a lot of people you do not even know, and you do not need to be worrying about these strangers in this time of grieving.. You all need to go thru the grief process and progress thru the stages of grief so that healing can begin. You should concentrate on family members and friends to help you all thru this process. I loved all the cards I received and we saved all of them with the memory book and the donation acknowledgment letters we received .. They are a great comfort to look at now. God Bless..
Sew With Love
Libby |
User: LeapFrog Libby
Member since: 05-01-2002 Total posts: 2022 
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From: mamahoogie
Date: 05-14-2004, 01:10 PM (10 of 11)
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When we lost my dear Mother-in-Law the funeral home suggested the same thing, send thank you cards for the flowers, food, donations to charities, and other kind acts. Not necessary to send thank you cards for every sympathy card. I certainly would not expect to receive one and I don't think I ever had and I always send a card. We received some cards with just first names and had a hard time figuring out who they were as they were associates of his sister's and not known to us at all but were kind enough to send us a card. Violet I've decided to live forever - so far, so good.
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User: mamahoogie
Member since: 12-25-2002 Total posts: 461 |
From: Mother in Law
Date: 05-16-2004, 11:19 PM (11 of 11)
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Sorry to hear of your lose Kerry. When my Mother passed away last year we were told by the funeral home it was proper to acknowledge the people who came to the funeral home, those that sent flowers, those that helped with any food or any other services that were provided, those who sent cards, and the pall bearers. I can't remember how many thank you notes we sent out exactly but we had to get more than one roll of stamps (100 stamps per roll) to send them. In this case with her being in public office at one time, I would take out an ad in the local newspaper acknowledging everyones kindness and that would cover those who sent the cards. We had a hard time finding some of the addresses for some of these people. Especially those who sent flowers. |
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
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