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The Sew What’s New Archive
This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and
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retired in August 2007. It is being provided by
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From: blackie
Date: 09-28-2004, 02:29 AM (1 of 18)
I really liked the answers I read in the Best / Most Annoying thread about sewing. For those of us who are FULL TIME STAY-AT-HOME MOMS, what are the best and worst aspects of your job? (WAHM and part-time workin' moms, make your own thread!) My children are still young (2 1/2 and 5 mos.) so my list is specific to the challenges and fun of this age group.  Worst: The glares and general frostiness I get from some shopkeeps when I take my small children in to shops. I live in a touristy town with lots of expensive stores. Hard for me to "support local business" (as goes the mantra) when apparently some of said businesses seem to think I should be finding daycare so I can leisurely shop on my own and pay their exorbitant prices for their limited amount of goods. (grrr!) The LACK OF HELP people offer when I am obviously struggling - I remember last year, visibly pregnant, trying to verbally coax my toddler onto the bus while hauling my bike up to the bike rack while the able-bodied male driver sat there watching me and didn't lift a finger. Last week at the grocery store, when the clerk refused to help load my groceries into the bottom of the jogging stroller and I was forced to bend and stoop, over and over with a baby in the backpack! (still miffed at that one)! Luckily, many times people offer help, and I accept it when I need it! The fact that when things are rough at home, I am usually on my own with no help in sight. Why can't there be an emergency service to call when you are hanging on by a thread with your two little ones crying and carrying on? Call them up and they send a helper to take the babies while I have a hot bath... preferably youngish cabana boy helpers who then do the dishes after they've put the kids down for a nap.  Best: Compliments I get in public about my children. When my oldest is well-mannered and adorable and my youngest is smiling largely at everyone, and I can tell they've made a few people's days happier. Sometimes I hear actual gasps from total strangers at how beautiful they are. Acclaim for my abilities with the kids. Sometimes (often from an older gentleman) I get compliments for how I can handle two babies, groceries, and paying a bill all calmly. I feel a lot of pride in myself and my family at these moments. New physical prowess and skills. The other day I walked a mile and a half carrying both the kids. I know quite a few MEN who can't do that! When I work my butt off and at the end of the day my husband comes home to a clean, welcoming house, with two happy and clean children, and a homemade dinner on the table (yes, it happens! and no, I'm not ashamed of my Donna Reed-ness!) Being my own boss. Okay, the kids are the boss, sort of. But now that I'm out of the work world, I get to set my own rules with my own systems. And my employees or customers - whichever way you look at the children - are the most interesting and beautiful creatures on the planet to spend my day with! At night having ALL of them cuddled up against me before bedtime. My little baby nursing, my toddler cuddling against me and calling me "Pretty mama" (and usually asking to nurse), my husband trying to get a piece of me whichever way he can, and usually the cat for good measure. They rely on me so much, and they love me so much. Now THERE'S job security! ********************************** I'd love to hear your input! - Kelly see the mundane life of a housewife.
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User: blackie
Member since: 03-31-2004 Total posts: 594 |
From: Reta J
Date: 09-28-2004, 08:20 AM (2 of 18)
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I was and still am a stay at home mom. My kids are now 16, 19, and 22. But I remember what it was like to take 3 small children into stores and get "the LOOK!". I had an owner of an elite crystal/glass store come to me when we were leaving and say that my children were welcome there at any time, because they were so well behaved. That made my day. Our mantra was "Look with they eyes, not with the fingers". Things that annoyed me were: Being glared at for using the handicapped bathroom. When you have a 2 year old and a 5 year old and pregnant, (and boy do i get pregnant, my belly would arrive 5 minutes before I did) the little stalls just didn't work. I felt that was a very convincing "need" for the handicapped stall. Having to go to a public restroom to nurse, I was discreet, but it was considered taboo to nurse in public. I would either go to bathroom or van and pull curtains closed and nurse. Joys: Having 3 young adults that are an asset to community. All 3 were honor roll when they were in school. The youngest still in high school. The 2 oldest went to college on scholarships. Having the elderly men and women at our church wanting to be around my kids. Calling them their adopted grandchildren. At this time, knowing where they are. lol I know this sounds strange, but as teens learn to open wings and fly, there is alot out there that could be problems. If my kids aren't going to be where they told me, they call and say change of plans mom. If they are going to be late, i get a phone call also. (which turned tables on me the other day, I was late getting home from an appointment, and kids met me at door and said ok where were you? why didn't you call when you knew you were going to be late?) lol I was only 3 minutes late!!! lol but i promised i would do better next time and they said ok they wouldn't ground me this time. It was all in fun but they and I knew the rules of the house. I guess the biggest joy is when my son and daughter (that are still home) gives me a hug and says "I love you" before leaving or going to bed. When my daughter teases me about being the worse mom in the world because i made them eat their vegies, go to bed at a decent hour, eat dinner at home with the family, I knew their friends, wouldn't just let them run all over, knew where they were and I told them I loved them. Ok so I will be the worse mom and be happy about it. lol Another joy is when their friends call me mom and would rather be at our home then anywhere else. They have to abide by my rules also. They have called us when they were going to be late coming back to our house. lol But they line up for hugs from both my husband and me. (remember these are teens boy and girls) They have asked our opinion on decisions they are making, knowing we will tell them the truth. Ok I have rambled enough. Sure money was tight, nerves frayed some days, and a warm soaking bath was something I only dreamed about, but I wouldn't have changed the last 22 years. I had fun!! Kelly, find young mothers in your area that are in same situation, and barter for time. You take their kids for a couple of hours so mom can get a soak and the next week they take your kids for a couple of hours. You and the other young mother can take kids to playground together, kids learn to socialize and you get some adult conversation. Find an older woman in your neighborhood that would be great with kids and hire her to babysit. Find a "mother's helper". this is a younger teen that is learning to babysit. You don't leave kids with her alone, but have her come in when you want to take a bath to play with kids. She is still under you supervision, but you train the her to know what you want with the kids, and when she is a little older will be a great babysitter. You will know her, kids will know her, and she knows what you expect. Hope these ideas help. Sewing Forever
Housework Whenever Reta J |
User: Reta J
Member since: 01-30-2002 Total posts: 136 
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From: Pudge99
Date: 09-28-2004, 10:35 AM (3 of 18)
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Worst: Having your toddler puking all day long, all over you and amazingly he is better before dad comes home from work. Then pukes all over you again when you are trying to put him to bed that night. Dad manages to get through a whole 24 hrs without a drop of puke on him and I had to do a full clothing change seven times that day (this was just yesterday). I am a mother of 4 ranging from ~12 to ~2yrs. old. I hate when I am out and people say "WOW your hands are full!" or they ask "Are you done?" My hands do not feel full and because a medical condition I have to be done. I am not saying that four kids aren't hard work but I wanted at least seven and to be reminded you can't, sucks! Another thing is that people assume once your child hits three you should put them in daycare. My three yr. old wanted badly to go to school this year. I called everywhere looking for a preschool and all I could find was daycare where they taught them preschool things. I was just looking for something that was 2 or 3 hours of just school. When I asked why they don't have that it was because most people go to work and leave their kids in daycare. Best: Now this will make some of you laugh I am sure, but being there for my toddler to puke on all day long is also on my best list. I love everything about being a stay at home mom. I would rather he puke all over me than for me to have been at work and have him cuddling up to someone else while he was feeling so bad. I love when people are shocked when I tell them how old my 3 yr. old is. She is very tiny and has the vocabulary of a child at least 1 yr older than her. She had a very rough start in life and I have been told by her doctors that had she not had me at home with her all day that she would not be doing as well as she is. I love being there for everything. First word, first step, first fall, etc. I missed a lot of this with my first child. I had to work, it was just me and her. I love that my kids know the garbage man and the mail man and know when they are coming and run to the window or front yard to wave or get the mail. I love being the one to pick the kids up from school and being the first to hear about their day. I could go on and on about the good things but I will stop now. 
Gina
Pictures of my successes and failures Pfaff 2040 Janome Mylock 134D Singer Futura CE-100 w/ Autopunch Husqvarna Viking 3D Sketch |
User: Pudge99
Member since: 10-30-2001 Total posts: 1375 |
From: Bama
Date: 09-28-2004, 07:06 PM (4 of 18)
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Are those of us that used to be stay at home moms just a few years ago allowed to post?
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116 
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From: blackie
Date: 09-28-2004, 09:50 PM (5 of 18)
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Bama - of course. You are the real pros, we need to hear from you!
see the mundane life of a housewife.
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User: blackie
Member since: 03-31-2004 Total posts: 594 |
From: Bama
Date: 09-29-2004, 07:25 AM (6 of 18)
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The best...... There's so many it's hard to list them all. I loved staying home with my kids. The house was always neater then. Dinner was on time every day. I had more time to spend with them (and the energy!) I'll pat myself on the back and give myself credit because my kids are so smart today. (don't know if hubby will agree)I spent alot of time with them from the time they were infants, reading to them and teaching them things. I think that's why they love to read so much today. I loved watching Sesame Street with them. Loved when they wanted to "help" me cook. Loved going on "treasure" hunts as my son called them, looking for interesting rocks and things. I loved when my daughter said she wanted to be a mommy when she grew up. (Now she says she's having cats instead but that's another story, haha) I'm so glad I stayed home with my kids for the years I was able to. Now it's not possible with 2 teenagers to feed. The worst...... The only thing that comes to mind right now....... we didn't have as much money. All of you stay at home moms consider yourself and your kids lucky.  There's not many that can do it nowadays.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: MaryW
Date: 09-29-2004, 08:32 AM (7 of 18)
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The best part was being there for your kids when they really needed you. Seeing them take their first steps or grin at you for the first time. All too many babysitters witness these big events and it means little to them. The worst part was being isolated somewhat. I had people all around but I felt I only talked to toddlers. Using words with more than 2 syllables was such a joy. Talking to adults was a treat. My kids can say they have their original Mom and Dad. Not many kids can say that today. My kids are grown adults, but they are still my kids and I give 'em what for if I think they need it.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
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From: Magot
Date: 09-29-2004, 04:12 PM (8 of 18)
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It was a real prividge to be at home with my kids - not everyone is able to do it so enjoy it!I loved collecting mushrooms and autumn fruits with them and making jam,crumbles and so on with our gleanings. Or collect twigs and seed heads, spraying them silver and making them into table decorations for Christmas ( stuffed into playdough in a coffee jar lid with a candle shoved in) wonderful - I love those crafty things! Bad point feeling that I was not contributing to to the household expenses- I felt so guilty every time I bought something for that was just for me, like a magazine. love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: Bama
Date: 09-29-2004, 05:20 PM (9 of 18)
.... when I met someone new at a cookout or somewhere and was asked what I did and they replied with, "Oh, you don't work"  Why is that we get this more from other women than from men? That was my experience anyway. I think when you tell a man that you stay at home, he imagines a clean house and a home cooked meal. When I was pregnant with child #2, I had worked breifly and quit when I was about 2 months pregnant because of awful morning sickness. On a visit to the OB/GYN he looked on my chart and asked me how long I thought I could work (I was about 3 months) I said I've already quit. He said, "Oh, you're a lady of leisure."  I had a 2 year old at home and he thought I was home eating bonbons and watching soap operas. 
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: DorothyL
Date: 09-30-2004, 08:54 AM (10 of 18)
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.... when I met someone new at a cookout or somewhere and was asked what I did and they replied with, "Oh, you don't work" Why is that we get this more from other women than from men? That was my experience anyway. I think when you tell a man that you stay at home, he imagines a clean house and a home cooked meal. Bama -- I think the reason you hear this is because a lot of working mothers feel they care for kids, clean house and cook meals and have jobs. Many have guilt feelings about it, just as many mothers that don't have jobs other than parenting feel they do less than those that do. When I was a young mother this issue was very divisive, especially in the women's movement. I think it is part of the reason why child care is in the terrible situation it is in. Women won the right to work, many found they have to work, but little was done to make it easy to work. You just can't have it all. I would hope young women trying to raise kids would be more supportive of each other and not try to continue this conflict. It's important to the children. And if women set their minds to it they can come up with creative ways to create income and spend time with their children. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: blackie
Date: 09-30-2004, 11:51 AM (11 of 18)
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I agree that women (and men!) need to be more supportive of different family lifestyles. I ran into the husband of an ex-coworker and he started talking about how busy his wife was... she was "working fulltime, and a fulltime mom"... I kind of bristled at that because I am a fulltime mom - as in, I stay at home and devote all my energy to the household. - and no, I don't have any guilt staying home whatsoever. When my kids are older I can take that opportunity to resume a life in the workforce... as it is, I realize how special these first years are and we are willing to live with less materially so we can enjoy this time together. Not to be controversial, but I don't think as many families HAVE to have two people working as people claim. For those that do "have" to both work, I usually notice they have a very high standard of living -- they own their own house, they have nice cars (usually more than one), they have cable TV, etc. Stuff we went without (and a lot we are still going without) because we have always had one parent home. As a result of our choice, there were some tough times! I was putting my two kids and their carseats into an old junker of a two-door car (it was safe, but old and loud) for a while. I noticed the playschool moms who "had to" work had SUVs and nicer clothes. I am not picking on any particular situation - everyone is unique. And women should work if they want to for personal enrichment, without feeling guilty if they don't like staying home (after all, why is it THEIR responsibility more than the male partner's?). But I wish people would admit it is a CHOICE, like almost everything in our lives (instead of, "Oh you're so lucky you GET to stay home", which I hear sometimes - how annoying!). And I also want to acknowledge that most children of dual-income households grow up just as fine as kids with a stay-at-home parent. In other words, there is much more involved to good parenting than the issue of who works and who doesn't. I worked for the first 10 months of my first child's life, but my husband stayed home. You think people can be tough on stay-at-home moms, you should see how they treat stay-at-home dads! He was called "Mr. Mom" (to which he'd counter his name was Mr. Dad) and a "babysitter". People - IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO "BABYSIT" YOUR OWN KIDS! If I ever hear anyone calling dad care "babysitting" I am quick to counter. It was wonderful for our family. He is now very comfortable with every aspect of baby care and I know I can rely on him for anything (except breastfeeding, of course).
see the mundane life of a housewife.
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User: blackie
Member since: 03-31-2004 Total posts: 594 |
From: Bama
Date: 09-30-2004, 08:04 PM (12 of 18)
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blackie, I agree. There are alot of families that could have one parent at home if they were willing to give up a few things. IF one parent wants to stay home. I just really feel for the single parents out there who don't have a choice. Hubby and I had a few "disagreements" when I went back to work. I work in my kids school's lunchroom. He thought I should look for a better paying job. I said I would rather be able to be home when they are, take them to school, and come home from school with them. He agrees with me now. (I used to be a hairdresser working late fridays and saturdays) I think it's great your husband stayed home with your first child.  I wouldn't call him Mr. Mom, but a great dad.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Pudge99
Date: 10-01-2004, 03:25 PM (13 of 18)
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I heard a song on the radio today that made me think of this post. It was Mr. Mom by Lonestar. Here's the lyrics. http://www.lyricsdirectory.circularmoney.com/lonestarmrmom.html It's a very cute song. Gina
Pictures of my successes and failures Pfaff 2040 Janome Mylock 134D Singer Futura CE-100 w/ Autopunch Husqvarna Viking 3D Sketch |
User: Pudge99
Member since: 10-30-2001 Total posts: 1375 |
From: rose074
Date: 12-21-2004, 12:10 AM (14 of 18)
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Tomorrow is my last day of work. For the last six months I've been taking my kids to work with me at my In-laws business. It's been great for my self-esteem but it's been tough on my kids. They spend most of the day with Grandma, who just ignores them. They have forgotten how to be obedient and polite. They are sick again and again, and they are so angry and unhappy. I am quitting my job for my children, so I can play with them, and cook with them, and dance around the living room with them. There was a time that I couldn't wait to go back to work, but now I see how much better it will be to stay at home and be with my kids.
Danelle in Tri-Cities Washington
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User: rose074
Member since: 12-23-2000 Total posts: 73 
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From: ummanas2003
Date: 12-21-2004, 01:56 PM (15 of 18)
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rose... please do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! read blackie's posting as well--its the truth. my hubby and I downgraded to two used cars, a smaller home, and generally less of everything-- and we have never regretted one moment- thank God. Its good that you worked, your organization skills will come in handy while managing yuor household! there will be times that you will be tired, and even longing for that cofee break or lunch break (there are very few cofee breaks here) but you will see the payoff in your kids and family! god willing there are A LOT of tricks to save money as well: put a switch (like a light switch ) on your water heater-- turn it on when you need it. we also let it refill before we go to sleep at night (the water will stay hot for a long time) turn down your heat-- wear layers instead-- that cut our bill in half in the winter! plus its better for your resperatory tract and skin! in the summer turn up your air and supplement with fans. dont buy so much stuff, or go out to eat, etc ... its amazing how little you need! plus its a lot easier to clean around less stuff. plus when you think about the people that are starving, and yuo realize a 5 dollar burger king meal can feed a hungry child in africa for like a week, it puts things in perspective! organize your meals around the produce on sale and the supermarket.. its often fresher and seasonal as well. find "free hobby"... take your kids to the library while you research herbakl meds or nutrition. turn to God... our provider for everything and trust that he provides us and all his creatures with all we need (and if it doesnt seem eniough, consuider that maybe it is!) at least in florida, there are a lot of supplimented insurance programs (such as "florida kids") its a lot cheaper than buying private insurance (like in teh 100s instead of the 300s) ok-- off my soapbox now... the best thing about being at home: i know its the best thing for myself, my family, my kids. thank god the worst: thank god, i have a appreciative and helpful husband. since my mom works and lives in a different town, she could only stay for 1 week after my second baby was born. he did it all until i was up and around. but still, even after all that, its so easy for him to forget. he'll help when i ask hime, gladly... but it woyuld be so thrilling not to have to ask... ah how women love when men anticipate what they want ps there is a great book entittled, what wives wish their hiusbands knew about women by James Dobson. It may be controversial for some, but it may help you as well. i think the worst thing about the femisist movements, is that it has taken away womens' rights to stay at home and take care of their families. they evelvate working outside teh home to a high level-- when really, any job has its share of drugery and repetition. i dont feel i use my brain any less working as a homemaker. and its my right for my husband to support me and our children. and when i think about the wifei want for my son, im not ashamed to say i pray that she will be intellegent, kind, faithful, feminine, gentle, strong, god fearing/ loving, hard working, and beautiful. adn when i think about the husband i want for my daughter im not ashamed to say i want him to be intelligent, kind, faithful, masculine god fearing/ loving, striong, gentle, hard working, and a good prvider. pps dont forget to ask your husband for help when you need it. and when he does a job- dont micromanage (let him do it his way- or not at all) its your job to manage the home, not necessary to do it all. and if he helps you out (by watching teh kids so you can frechen up, or exercise a little, or get "pretty", or jsut relax), it benefits the whole family unit. |
User: ummanas2003
Member since: 12-16-2004 Total posts: 10 |
From: rose074
Date: 12-21-2004, 11:08 PM (16 of 18)
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Thank you for your support. I agree 100% with everything you mentioned. Luckily money probably won't be a problem. We don't have any debt except our new house, and even that is less than rent for a tiny apartment. We were overseas for the past 4 years and God really blessed us financially so we were able to put a large down payment on our little house. When we bought it we weren't planning on 2 incomes so we aren't living beyond our means. I agree about the kids. I stayed at home with them for 5 years, and after only 4 months of working part time I noticed a huge negative change in their attitudes. All of them. It's going to take some time to get them back where they belong but it will be worth it. I'd like to be able to take them shopping without being embarassed again. Another GREAT book is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. It also does a great job of letting the husband know what wives need. My husband and I have been reading it together in the evenings, part of our therapy. I have hobbies too. While we were overseas I stocked up supplies for everything from scrapbooking and rubber stamping to hairbows and candles. Of course quilts too. It will keep me going for quite a while. Again, thanks for your support. I'm very excited. Danelle in Tri-Cities Washington
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User: rose074
Member since: 12-23-2000 Total posts: 73
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From: rose074
Date: 12-21-2004, 11:13 PM (17 of 18)
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[QUOTE=blackiePeople - IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO "BABYSIT" YOUR OWN KIDS! [/QUOTE] It always drives me crazy when I tell my husband I want to go do such and such and he says "and I supposed you want me to babysit the kids?". As if it's not his responsiblity to care for his children too. BABYSIT his kids!! It makes me want to scream
Danelle in Tri-Cities Washington
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User: rose074
Member since: 12-23-2000 Total posts: 73
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From: allie-oops
Date: 12-22-2004, 02:20 AM (18 of 18)
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The worst - people assuming I sit around all day flicking a feather duster in my high heels. I quit working while I was pregnant with my first, and never looked back. We had decided to homeschool, and if you think taking care of toddlers is work, try to teach them to read, lol!!!!!!! Seriously, it was a joy, but nobody understood why I WANTED to do it! The best - being there. Watching my kids learn, sharing the world with them, taking care of our home. It may sound trite, or old-fashioned, but I've never felt so fulfilled. I don't understand how women can be bored at home. Especially someone who sews, lol!!!!!!!! School gets more intense every year, but they're also doing a LOT more independent study, which frees me up for more sewing. I love that I didn't miss a single moment of their lives yet. I was there for first steps, first words in reading, the light coming on when they understood what multiplication was. Both my boys want to produce movies, and they spend hours making them...I get to watch them all, lol. I've watched them develop a best friendship with each other, and see how easily they can talk to ANYONE....from 2 to 102. I see their faith grow daily, along with their hollow legs. And I see them becoming independent young men, confident in their abilities and talents. I'm telling you, becoming a mother is enough to make you feel permanently sorry for men! "onward through the fog"
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User: allie-oops
Member since: 10-25-2002 Total posts: 282 
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