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The Sew What’s New Archive
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From: MaryW
Date: 01-20-2005, 06:54 PM (1 of 19)
Are you so happy to help out family and friends that you find yourself running yourself ragged. Do you pick up kids, run errands, take people here and there just to be nice? I know I have been in this predicament many times. I could just scream, then hubby reminds me that I offered. 
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
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From: Magot
Date: 01-20-2005, 09:35 PM (2 of 19)
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I'm happy to help, Mary, but people don't often ask me. Those that do know that I reserve the right to say 'no' without expecting my friendship to be damaged. I'm inheriting a small boy for a few days at the weekend - Tony is going away - it wil be fun I've known him from babyhood but we neither of us have any problems with our relationship at school - he can't wait to hit my DVD collection/platstation but knows that homework comes first. He is a prime maninipulator/procrastinator and can wear his Mum down. heh heh heh Do you ask for help or are you too independant - it never occurs to me that I'm snowed under and could have asked for help until I'm out of it the other side... love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: beachgirl
Date: 01-20-2005, 11:25 PM (3 of 19)
| I've always been there for family, friends, neighbors & anyone that needs me or could use my help. To me it's just the thing to do & how the world should be. I have to admit there has been times that I've felt I didn't know whether I was coming or going though. Would spread myself a little too thin. That's not to say I've never said no.There are times you just can't even if you'd like to. |
User: beachgirl
Member since: 08-31-2004 Total posts: 615 
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From: DorothyL
Date: 01-21-2005, 07:34 AM (4 of 19)
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I used to be but not so much any more. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: Dede
Date: 01-21-2005, 08:36 AM (5 of 19)
| I'm always happy to help people. I've slowed down quite a bit when I realized some were expecting me to give assistance and appreciated it in no way. I still help out quite a bit but I too reserve the right to say no. |
User: Dede
Member since: 03-23-2001 Total posts: 469 |
From: cam's gram
Date: 01-21-2005, 09:42 AM (6 of 19)
| I am my own worst enemy when it comes to helping out -- I make the offer all by myself, and then get mad at myself when I'm running in circles trying to keep up with everything I've taken on. You think I'd learn . . . |
User: cam's gram
Member since: 10-20-2004 Total posts: 22 |
From: Mom of Six
Date: 01-21-2005, 09:55 AM (7 of 19)
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I used to be but now that I am working I have learned to say no. I really miss the volenteering I used to do. But that wouldn't pay the bills. I was everyones babysitter, driver, baker, I was a Girl Scout leader for 18 yrs. Now the only volenteering I do is Assistant bowling coach for the boys & I count the box tops at grandsons school & mail them in. I do help out with the scouts but not as often.
Barb
Happiness is having time to sew!! |
User: Mom of Six
Member since: 11-03-2001 Total posts: 1115 
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 01-21-2005, 12:17 PM (8 of 19)
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I used to volunteer all the time, for EVERYTHING. Now I've learned to say no, a LOT...I do help out, I do most of my own household fixes. ( I used to work on my own car..now I leave that to the pofessionals) I don't offer my services to just anyone anymore....sometimes people can take too much... Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: smith972
Date: 01-21-2005, 12:51 PM (9 of 19)
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Trying to run my family, go to school, work and start a business i really dont have time for other people. I dont have enough hours in the day to take care of my family and my own needs let alone someone outside the imm. family. All of my friends understand that if they do a favor for me or help me out it is just that a favor and that the same maynot be returned...not that i dont want to just the my schedule does not permit it right now...plus they remember when i used to not be so busy and used to be the helper girl to always help someone out....i just cant do it anymore...there are times when there are down times or my best friend will call me up cuz she has no one else to help her and i will help out...but that is rare and far between... jada |
User: smith972
Member since: 09-10-2004 Total posts: 241 
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From: plrlegal
Date: 01-21-2005, 08:40 PM (10 of 19)
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Cam's gram I relate. I too am my own worst enemy. My DH often asks me when I'm going to learn how to say no. However, I think my right hand has a life of it's own. To give myself credit though, since the 3 month costume sewing fiasco for the church Christmas musical, I've really been low key and am staying at arm's length from the delegators that are always looking for those of us who are unable to say "no" pleasantly and with a smile while we're walking away. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: momto7
Date: 01-22-2005, 03:01 AM (11 of 19)
I have always tried to help people and sometimes I get tired of them always asking but the point of it is that if I have the time I don't mind.I know if I need the help my friends will be there. My best friend husband works on my car and never asks for anything. So in return I will buy him tools or something he can use. its nice to know that you have someone that you can rely on if you are in a pinch. Even if you do it to be nice there are always people that will remember it. 
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User: momto7
Member since: 09-02-2004 Total posts: 16 |
From: Mother in Law
Date: 01-22-2005, 03:08 AM (12 of 19)
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It's funny you put up this poll of all times too. Mary you must be reading my mind. I just laid down the law with my kids yesterday and again today. I feel like I'm suppose to be "on call " 24 / 7, or at least that's what they think. Then when I raise cane about it they look at me like I'm the big bad B*%#h, like I'm not suppose to get in a huff. My EX -DIL sat there and waited until her car lease was up didn't try to get a job so she could get another one by the time the lease was up, she knew it was going back this month, and now she is without a car and expects me to run her to school and anywhere else she needs to go. I told her when I want to go somewhere I dont' have to worry about picking someone up at 1:30 in the evening and waiting around for 2 hours to pick them up three times a week. I don't think so. Well I haven't heard from her in two days since that little telephone call. Just as well. I use to be nice but then I got smart, my life wasn't my life anymore, it was at my kids command. Not anymore. I think they got the picture.  And for once my hubby agreed with me. Yeahhhhhhh
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User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: Magot
Date: 01-22-2005, 09:30 AM (13 of 19)
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Go Susie, Go! Why should you spend your life running other people around? - if she has a regular appointment to go to school she should arrange her life accordingly, not arrange yours! Patsy, just got to kep your head down now in the run up to Easter...let them use last years costumes! love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
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From: plrlegal
Date: 01-22-2005, 05:41 PM (14 of 19)
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Good news on the Easter musical front -- no costumes. All the choir is going to do is sing -- we don't have to memorize either, we get to use the books this time around. It's really hard music, however, and we'll be having a lot of extra rehearsals, which is okay as long as I'm not trying to do costumes, etc. at the same time. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: Magot
Date: 01-22-2005, 10:27 PM (15 of 19)
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sounds like fun, Patsy. There is something so uplifting about making great music with a group of people. I used to love singing with the mike with the worship band - I could get so much more range of expression in my voice when I wasn't having to belt it out all the time. Guys on the PA desk were used to my volume though, they used to keep me turned down! I just love banging out those pure sine waves!
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
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From: Emmy
Date: 01-22-2005, 10:51 PM (16 of 19)
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I used to be. I was the one that always took care of everyone else. I'm the caregiver type. People knew I was, and took advantage of it. A few years ago, I nursed my husband through a serious injury and dealt with some huge changes in our lives while he was recovering from complications. I was pretty much exhuasted, and run down. These things you really don't have any choice about, you've got to do what you've got to do. Then another family member got sick and I ended up nursing him too. What was supposed to be one night of assistence, ended up being several. I was up almost all night, every night, plus still had my sick husband to care for, and the usual family stuff too. My husband finally got fed up and said enough is enough. One morning he simply decided to let me sleep in, and that everyone would just have to fend for themselves, himself included. I slept for a day and a half. When I finally woke up, our guest was gone. I was surprised, but relieved. It took me about a month to recover. In fact, I never did fully recover, because life got more and more complicated and my health just kept going downhill from there. Now I never volunteer for anything. Well, not much anyway, because I just can't. I'm barely able to manage taking care of myself these days. After having had 2 surgeries last year I'm just trying to get my strength back to be able to walk around in the house without becoming exhuasted. I have arthritis now, among other things, and its really putting me through the wringer. My health problems are what I have to deal with now. I guess I'll never volunteer, and help people like I used to. I still run some internet groups, but that's about all the volunteer work that I do now. I can't do all the cooking, and housework yet, but I'm hoping to be back to normal some day soon. Its taking a LOT longer than I expected, and some days it feels like I'll never be healthy again. So, a word of advice to other care takers, start pacing yourself. If you don't, you will end up regretting it, and paying for it. In the long run, you'll be better off if you say no at least as often as you say yes, and so will those who depend on you too much right now. Let them learn to do for themselves whatever they've been leaning on you for. They'll "grow up" and become more responsible, and you'll have the energy to enjoy life. I only wish I'd learned to say no sooner. Emmy PS. We had the family holiday dinners here this year, but I never could have done it without my husband. I planned, coached, and supervised, he did most of the work, and almost all of the cooking. He was just wonderful! I kept things simple, and it worked out well. I did turn the family down on the next dinner they wanted though. We were both a bit tired out from the holidays. Its someone else's turn now.
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User: Emmy
Member since: 09-01-2001 Total posts: 127 
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From: Nece
Date: 02-02-2005, 07:59 AM (17 of 19)
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I too, am my own worst enemy. I am the only one out of my sisters and brother that doesn't work, so I am expected to be able to do at the last minute or for any little or BIG thing. After seeing that I didn't have a life of my own or time to do the things I wanted or needed to do, I learned to say no, thanks to the help of my hubby. Now if I can't or just plain don't want to do it, I simply say *no*  My family has finally learned how to accept this too. Far too many times we get caught up in trying to be *Miss I can do it all, just ask me * that we forget about own own needs and welfare. I used to feel like I was being mean. Don't get me wrong, I still do plenty of helping, but only when it doesn't interfere with plans I have made. Hugs to all, Nece |
User: Nece
Member since: 11-08-2004 Total posts: 26 
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From: Dede
Date: 02-03-2005, 08:39 AM (18 of 19)
| I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation. Volunteer to help everybody and when I need help, guess who doesn't volunteer? That's right, everybody is too busy. I was sick all year last year and pretty much had to take care of myself. Thank God my aunt was there. One other person I didn't suspect was also present when it seems I was on the brinks of falling again. I soon realized I had more acquaintances than friends. It hurt me to see how selfish people are but then again, my friend up there always makes sure I'm comfortable in the end, and He is a friend. |
User: Dede
Member since: 03-23-2001 Total posts: 469 |
From: mamadus
Date: 02-13-2005, 03:28 PM (19 of 19)
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NECE.. you sound like me... I'm now retired, so guess who gets all the fun stuff that nobody else in the family (or my dh's family, for that matter) doesn't want to do!!! Like you... when i need help, I might as well whistle Dixie... I finally have gotten to the point where I am willing to say NO.. I recently said NO to my MIL for probably the first time in 26 years of marriage... boy did that feel good!! LOL MO life is too short, not to explore
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User: mamadus
Member since: 12-31-2004 Total posts: 492 
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