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This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and
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From: Dexter
Date: 02-13-2005, 05:20 PM (1 of 6)
This is for the girls, I guess.  I assume some of you have daughters and some of you don’t. For those who don’t, pretend in this thread that you do, and for those that do have daughters that are already married, pretend that they are available. ^_- What would you want in your a son in-law? What would be the ideal man for your little girl? Behaviorisms and all. Would you want them to be interested in getting to know you, the mother? It seems like if the man is interested in the girl’s family, seriously, then he must really like this girl. A boy who shows interest in things that made her who she is, you know? I talk to some of my guy friends and they really don’t care about the family, typically, whereas I have a tremendous interest in them. Families are exceedingly important and I certainly want to have a friendship with the entire family, or those that she is still close to, at least. Anyway, just brainstorm whatever doodlish thoughts come to your mind. If you have son in-laws, tell me what you like and dislike about them. Give me some pointers. Parents seem to adore me, especially the mother. I have always enjoyed the way I get along with my girlfriend’s mother. It is very special to me, our friendship, and if I were any of my other guy friends, I would have never bothered to get to know them. Kids in this generation make me sad, sometimes. Also, you score points with the mother and she encourages her girl to go for him, particularly if it is a Christian family. |
User: Dexter
Member since: 11-05-2004 Total posts: 48 |
From: DorothyL
Date: 02-13-2005, 07:19 PM (2 of 6)
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Dexter I wouldn't even try to choose for my girls. I raised smart women that will make good choices. My oldest hasn't made a choice yet. With my youngest there was an issue. She was still in high school and brought home a 21-year-old guy. Literally brought him home and moved him in. It was grit your teeth time. He obviously loved her and was a good guy -- BUT!! I kept waiting for my husband to call him Meathead. I really felt like Edith Bunker. That was eight years ago. He stuck with her and was very supportive throlugh 4 years of Cornell University (Ivy League) and now nearly three years of law school in New York. I guess what I'm trying to say is, with two very independent daughters, I don't look for anything in their men. I leave that up to them. But if one of them brought home a guy that liked to sew -- well then I'd be quite pleased. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: paroper
Date: 02-13-2005, 11:21 PM (3 of 6)
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My daughters are 20 and 17. They are still in the dating stage, although the 20 year old has been dating a long time, the 17 year old is a little timid about dating....guys are interested, she is just nervous about going out alone with a guy. The guy that my oldest brought home that I hated? He was polite and nice to her and to us the first time we met. He said all the right things about his dreams and plans...etc....But the second time we saw him, he started telling us something entirely different than what he had said the first time...by the third time we met him he was rude and we very soon discovered that not only had he lied about his past, he obviously had lied about his plans for the future. He played us and he played her. It was terrible! We did a lot of praying...because she was totally under his spell. It was after she had his baby that she started to see the cracks in his personality. She began to realize that their entire relationship was built on lies...it was terrible for her. Back in the 1960's or so...a Miss America contestant was asked the question "What is the most important piece of advice you could give a young girl". Her answer was "To be herself." She went on to explain that no one can live a lie forever and that in order to be happy, you should relax and enjoy who you are. I was a very young girl at the time, but I think that it was the best advise anyone ever gave me. I look for that in my daughter's friends and boyfriends. My answer to you, learn manners, be polite and truly interested in her, and in her family (not gushy, but friendly), and BE YOURSELF. Don't try to isolate her, but enjoy her friends and do things with them and their boyfriends as well as alone with her. Allow her some space. I look for that in my daughter's friends and boyfriends. pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
From: mamadus
Date: 02-14-2005, 02:28 PM (4 of 6)
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my dd is 24... there have been lots of boyfriends through the years... some I liked, some I hated... but like dorothy, I feel I raised an intelligent young woman who will make good choices in the end... that said, there have been some boyfriends that I absolutely cringed over the thought of them as a sil...thank goodness, with those, her intelligence won out and she eventually got rid of them... her current bf may very well end up being the sil... and I think I'm alright with it... why... because he treats her well... that doesn't mean they never fight and argue or that he always lets her have her way, or htat he buys her all kinds of stuff, or spends all kinds of money on her, but he respects her and treats her accordingly. He understands that she and I are very close and is accepting of the time that we spend together. He has taken the time to get to know me and her dad and is willing to spend time with the family...He understands that you don't just marry the person, you marry his/her family as well... He appears to have values and goals very much like those in our family... he has had some difficulties in his past and was right up front about them with me, once we got to know one another... But the bottom line is that he treats my dd with love and respect and is supportive of her... just my 2 cents... MO life is too short, not to explore
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User: mamadus
Member since: 12-31-2004 Total posts: 492 
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From: Magot
Date: 02-15-2005, 10:07 AM (5 of 6)
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Interesting question Dexter - I remember a friend of mine apologising to me that my daughter had met her boyfriend at my friends house. She regarded him as a Very Bad Influence. Katie and Basil have been together now for 3 years, are just finishing their first year at uni together and have taken on a flat for next year. We have a family policy that you don't sleep with your boyfriends in our house - we can chat to Katie about this and we have no problem, we have offered to sit and talk to Basil as well but he won't -he just thought we didn't like him. Now there may be character traits that I don't enjoy but they are both so young and need to grow up a bit that's all! Over the last year we have worked at getting to know Basil and the more we see him the more we tend to think that he and Katie are a good match. Your girlfriends' Mum and your girlfriend are likely to have many of the same mores and was of doing things - it's a fact of life. My daughter at the moment has abandoned her Christian roots and embraced paganism - much of which is probably Basils influence , but I know who she is and where her roots come from. Even if your girlfriends Mum were some evil person she would still be her Mum and therefore loved by her on some level. My husband found it very hard to get on with my Dad as he (my husband) was always aware of my Dad's paediphilic nature and practice. Regardless of any wrongness in our relationship he was still my Dad and I loved him and grieved over his death. Tony was just unable to get on with my parents at all - whereas I found his delightful, sane normal people! It is important I feel if you are in a long term relationship to get on with your partners parents - we have a grreat time with my girls boyfriends and enjoy their company. I don't think boyfriend of 2nd daughter is quite used to it though, but Basil feels quite at home. As parents we look at it from the other side :-will they respect and cherish my daughter and allow her to be who she wants to be, rather than mould her to fit his image of who he wants her to be. For a sucessful relationship there has to be freedom - that doesn't mean licentiousness or liberty but an ability to express self. If you see that happening, you are content. love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: paroper
Date: 02-15-2005, 11:38 AM (6 of 6)
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No matter what you need to understand and accept the parents. If you can't stand the parents you need to walk. Your mate will always take on some of the strongest traits of the parents and you can never escape a the fact that they are a part of their life. They do have influence even if they are not a strong influence at this point in their children's life. My mother in law was a very strong personality and she did not like me, a fact that I did not realize until we were nearly married (up to that point she didn't consider me a threat). That lead to many years of strained relationships between us and between my family and her. It has even shadowed our relationship after her death because my husband has guilt. He didn't spend as much time as he would have liked with her because she couldn't stand to be around me. The problem? She felt that we were in a higher social class than she wanted to be associated..the reality? My family were just average middle class people. My mother was a teacher, my father was a civil service worker with a passion for (very) small-scale farming and ranching.
pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
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