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From: Bama
Date: 03-20-2005, 06:23 PM (1 of 4)
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My almost 18yo niece started dating a young man (19) about 3 weeks before he was sent to Iraq. He left in November and is home on leave. She brought him over to meet us and have dinner with us. He seemed to be crazy about our niece, but I think they rushed into things because he was going to Iraq. He goes back Tuesday and won't be home again until next November. He looks sooooo young. Just a kid. I was thinking, this kid can't buy beer yet, but could die in a war. This post is not to start a debate about the war in Iraq. It just got me to thinking about how young alot of the soldiers there are. My son is not far from his age and I can't imagine him being sent off like that. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116 
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-20-2005, 07:16 PM (2 of 4)
I know the feeling, sorta....we're retired AF...my littlest brother-in-law is still in (3 1/2 yrs to retirement) and my husband neice and her husband are in the AF (newlyweds yr before last....they're about 21 now). I see the faces on t.v. and around me. (here in FL where we live are 3 AF bases, and we're near Pensacola NAS, and Whiting Field (they train Navy pilots there). Some of'em look so young (and the older I get  , the younger THEY look).It's hard to see someone going to war, harder still to see your family in that situation. I'm of the 'war is not right or wrong it's just war'.....people have been waring over different reasons for all time.....you can't always stop it and you haven't always started it...it just is. So you make the best of a bad situation. Sometimes when we're young, we look without leaping and have to suffer the consequences...but sometimes things have a wonderful way of turning out just right....I'd say your neice and her boyfriend are probably gonna grow up..him faster than her...(maybe)....I'd say give them time.... Maybe they are rushing, but they'll have plenty of time to think while he's gone..... (my husband was always gone...the first 5 yrs we were married, I calculate I saw him 1 yr TOTAL...the first yr we were married he was in Greece..the 3rd yr we were married he was in Greece...in between he was TDY (traveling) all the time.....and btw he spends 2-4 wk's out of the month...STILL traveling and still working for the government.....you either learn to live that way or get out of the relationship, fast...I've been married 26 yrs...it's not all been good OR bad...it just is...deal, or whine/cry/do without.....) I've had friends and friends families die in war (vietnam, iraq, etc). But they could have easliy have died here at home from accidents, or other things. (lots of military have never gone to war, and have killed themselves while in the military...it happens more often than you would think...) So don't think about the 'bad thing's' that can happen....think about the good stuff they have done, will do. Remember mostly only the bad stuff ends up on t.v....not the many good things/people that are here on earth. Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: Bama
Date: 03-21-2005, 11:31 AM (3 of 4)
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I'm not sure I could handle it if my dh was in the military. My BIL is retired from the navy and I saw how it was for his family when he was overseas. This young man has really fallen for my neice. He bought her an engagement ring but she told him she didn't want to be engaged. She said she doesn't know him well enough. At least she's using her head, but I can't help but feel sorry for him. He seems to be a great guy. Hopefully he'll realize it was too fast when they are apart again. He was talking to my husband about Iraq one minute and then talking with my 16yo like one of his teenaged friends the next minute. He told my mom it would be harder to go back this time than it was the first time. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-21-2005, 07:57 PM (4 of 4)
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Yes....it's hard when they come back home....they've lived a different life, usually 'alone' (with only men or few women and not always in the same places..sometimes they seperate them). They've eaten different food, had only their conmmanders to answer to. (and it's not like living with a spouse). The first time my husband came back from Greece (and we'd known each other for 4 yrs BEFORE we got married and he joined the AF...we were 24 when he got back...). I AND his father (a 25 yr Airman) noticed he was WAY different than he was before he left....he didn't tell me much when he got home, but yrs later things come creeping out in conversations, when you don't expect'em. (He had to carrry a gun to Athens, the locals would shoot at the military on the street and no one would stop them) And yes he was shot at, but took 15 yrs to tell me this....the second time he was near the Yugoslave border in N. Greece at a 'remote' site.....they didn't leave the site alone, EVER, only in groups, with guns. The radars were deadly (GIGANTIC ones like you see on t.v.....but they didn't tell them they'd be sterile till they were ready to leave the site..even though the wildlife in the area was weird looking from perching in front of the radars...crows that should be black, but had white heads and weird feet and beaks) They for some reason, like to be alone a lot...(I've heard this from many wives...)it's like they leave and come back, only to have to learn to live with you over and over again....I think continuity is the key...that and patience (something I'm REALLY not known for....)(I cut my hair once, from waist to chin and he walked by me in the airport...even when I called his name he looked like he didn't know me and we'd been married 6 yrs....plus the 4 before) She smart to hold off the engagement....she's young and heaven knows whats gonna happen, tomorrow...let alone 6 months or more....they need to talk....and get to know each other...I have a feeling he wants an anchor back home...thats why the sudden engagement....he doesn't wanna be lonely overseas and he wants someone to hang on to. (not in a bad way, just so someone is there...parents are good, but it's not the same as someone to 'love') He'll find out he's probably gonna be busier than he thinks...the mail is gonna be slower....e-mails few and far between...he's gonna have to concentrate on himself and his buddies...that leaves little time to dwell on anything else.... I know the waiting is hard....but working, volunteering, living a life is the best thing to do....(most military wives learn to do everything, because they have to and then the men come home and feel displaced....it's not true, but women can and do multitask....men can only do one thing at a time...) You always have to know each others strengths and weaknesses...(my husband is not good with people and he's an introvert....I however am an extrovert (like you can't tell on here, right ?  ) and I'm great with people....(but I also tend to speak my mind and thats sometimes a bad thing in the military....I've gotten in trouble with it more than once. Since retirement too....)The truth is...military life is what you make it...it's said over and over again....but it's true....really.... ::off my soap box now:: aren't you glad ???
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414
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