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From: SummersEchos
Date: 09-27-2005, 10:08 AM (1 of 15)
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In spite of what you knew, guessed or had been told, what surprised you most about being married/in a long term relationship, having a child?
Summer
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User: SummersEchos
Member since: 09-29-2004 Total posts: 884 |
From: MaryW
Date: 09-27-2005, 10:25 AM (2 of 15)
What surprised me most about the long term relationship OR having a child? Which one? 
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
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From: SummersEchos
Date: 09-27-2005, 11:49 AM (3 of 15)
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Your choice, or both.
Summer
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User: SummersEchos
Member since: 09-29-2004 Total posts: 884 |
From: DorothyL
Date: 09-27-2005, 06:25 PM (4 of 15)
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I think the thing that surprised me the most about a long term relationship is that it lasted long term -- with half ending in divorce I don't know how we did it. As for having kids, at 25 and 32 they still manage to surprise me every day. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: Chrysantha
Date: 09-27-2005, 09:59 PM (5 of 15)
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I was never allowed to be a child, so nothing suprises me. (thank heavens I don't LIKE surprises anyway.) I think I surprised my mother when I was 12 and told her I'd never have kids. (she said I'd change my mind...I'm gonna be 51 in Dec...I haven't EVER changed my mind). I think I'm not really surprised, but astonished that I haven't killed my husband by now. ( I learned early on I married my 'mother' in a mans body, but by managing to tell him off, what I think and what I want, he's managed to stay alive...he doesn't realize how lucky he really is...) 
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: Magot
Date: 09-27-2005, 11:27 PM (6 of 15)
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Tony and I will have known each other for 30 years this October - what surprises me about that is that I still have things that I haven't told him and there are things that I don't know about him...mystery! adds to the spice.. About kids - Having had one child and been a successful mother - when no. 2 arrived I was completely flummoxed that the same things didn't work on the next child. KAtie would scream and need comforting before a nap, Rosie screaming meant " for crying out loud leave me alone and let me sleep!" Good Lord - these children are different - even as 2 week old babies! love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: SummersEchos
Date: 09-28-2005, 12:47 AM (7 of 15)
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For me it was being married. I was married 25 years before my divorce, and thinking back on it, it was not what I had thought it would be. I shall not lie, I was brought up in Ozzie and Harriet world. My folks never argued or fought in front of the kids. I thought things just went on like my parents. Oh what a discovery I had coming. My dad told me that marrying this man was not what I had thought. He did everything in his power to stop it. He tried in so many ways to tell me and show me what my life would end up as, and of course I told him he was wrong. Well 25 years later I told him he was right. Marriage is a two way street, you work things out, you give a little and take a little. I gave and he took, until I said no more. Having my kids, well each and everyone was different. I had the one who got up at 6am and never napped and fell a sleep at midnight. I had the one who slept all day and night till her feeding time. I had the one who needed me all the time, and the one who was independent from the beginning. The last one of course all the older siblings would never giver her any peace. Having 5 I know I have had quite a few of the experiences, not all of them, but enough. I always took everything in stride, knowing that they would grow up to become adults and have to deal with the real world. I never much took in the latest doctor or authority on how to raise a child. I guess being in the teaching profession made me look twice at advice from a book. I do know that I cherish the times they were little, life seemed so much more easy for me. Summer
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User: SummersEchos
Member since: 09-29-2004 Total posts: 884 |
From: MaryW
Date: 09-28-2005, 08:43 AM (8 of 15)
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What surprised me about marriage is ??? everything. I have known him since we were on the school bus together.About 10-11 yrs. old. I have been with him since I was 14 and we will be married 39 yrs. in March. It's a lot of hard work. As I look back, we were both just kids. We have grown a LOT since we married. I was 17 and he was 19 and the day we got married it snowed with hi winds and I got to step over snowbanks in my wedding dress. He was unemployed and I had a minimum wage job in a factory. If we hadn't been so young and foolish we might have looked at it as a poor beginning. LOL. What surprised me about kids was that they were just as much work as teenagers as they were as toddlers. I still worry about them all the time and they are 32, 34 and 36 with spouses, kids, etc. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: LauraM62
Date: 09-28-2005, 10:07 AM (9 of 15)
What surprises me about marriage/relationships - is how different it can truly be when you are married to someone that is your friend. My 1st marriage we were young, thought he would grow up, change, etc, I gave, he took, we divorced, I thought I could never be married again, married life was just not for me. Years later I meet another man, one that made me laugh, shared my dreams, made my heart sing, and still does. Love & friendship within a relationship & marriage makes a wonderful marriage  What surprises me about kids - is that for many of us we put our own hopes, dreams, into what we want for these little darlings that we are given. We strive through the years to give them the things we think will help them to achieve these goals. But some where they assert their own ideas, and dreams, head their own direction in life; some times directions that we know in our heart will bring them pain, or a much harder life then we would have ever dreamed for them. Some days it is hard to let go, to let them fall, to feel the pain they must to grow as the adults they are now becoming. To figure out life's' hard roads. It would be so much easier if they would listen & learn instead of doing & learning  I just hope my 18 year old learns before she loses too much, but my 15 year old is another story, she is more of a listen & learn kid. Kids as someone mentioned, can be raised in the same house, by the same parents, but take each piece different, use it different, to become different people ....
LauraM
SW Indiana If everyone cared and nobody cried; If everyone loved and nobody lied; If everyone shared and swallowed their pride; Then we'd see the day when nobody died --'If Everyone Cared' by Nickelback |
User: LauraM62
Member since: 08-10-2003 Total posts: 246 
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From: grandmasue
Date: 09-28-2005, 11:39 AM (10 of 15)
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My second marriage-husband surprises me everyday. After a first marriage built on distrust I never thought I would find a man who truly does trust me and enjoys who I really am. And I return the favor. My biggest surprise about my children is that when you have 3, you would guess one of them would sorta be like one of the other 2...... HA! somehow mine have figured out how to be 3 opposites. Which is fine because as I learned while raising them I had to learn about each as an individual and love them for their unique-ness. Never a dull moment! Grandma Sue
------------ At the end I am not showing up at my grave all pretty and well preserved...I am coming in sliding, yelling "What a ride!" |
User: grandmasue
Member since: 10-26-2004 Total posts: 138 
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From: Mom of Six
Date: 09-28-2005, 12:49 PM (11 of 15)
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I have 6 opposite children! That is what surprised me the most. Just when you figure out 1 stage they start another & the next one is doing something completly different. My boys were the most like each other until they hit puberty & then they went different directions. I guess I was just lucky though (knock On Wood) I have never had one skip school or get into drug/ alchohol abuse. Last 2 to get through high school & then just the Grands to worry about. Dr. Phil had a great show on yesterday to open conversations but that should be another post.
Barb
Happiness is having time to sew!! |
User: Mom of Six
Member since: 11-03-2001 Total posts: 1115 
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From: suesodyssey
Date: 09-28-2005, 01:27 PM (12 of 15)
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Wow, what a thread. Lets see...marriage/relationship. Big surprise. My 1st husband and I married when we were 18. Too young, had a kid too young. I was shy and never had an opinion. He left me and 2 kids for an older woman after 11 years of marriage. #2 seemed like the perfect match. He had 2 daughters from previous marriages, we seemed to get along...I had learned to speak my mind. We moved a lot because of his jobs (new ones all the time). He had a stroke so was on disability...we lived in our RV and traveled during the summer, stayed in Florida in the winter. Then after 24 years of marriage, he told me he prefered men! A real shocker there. Met #3...a wonderful man. His wife of 27 years passed away. Neither of us had any plans on getting married, but we did. He is a loving and caring man...he worries about me! That is a first for me. He retires in a couple of years and we will be off on the road. He has always wanted to travel, and I have missed the travel. Now we enjoy our lives together, he is getting used to having grandkids call and send pictures, and he is getting used to me sending stuff to grandkids. Children...the best part is the grandkids! My son is 40 and has never married...still trying to find himself. My daughter is a happy, wonderful wife and mother. She teaches school, special ed, and is very solid in her life. My two step daughters are still a part of my life. Both are wonderful moms and wives. Having 3 teens in the house 13, 14 & 18 was a real experience. But we made it through. I think for the first time in my life, I can truely say I am happy. I miss being close to the kids and grandkids, but there is the phone and I get pictures in e-mails. Sue |
User: suesodyssey
Member since: 03-29-2005 Total posts: 86 |
From: Jayde877
Date: 09-28-2005, 09:20 PM (13 of 15)
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Suprises about marriage- I guess one thing that suprised me was that I thought my husband and I had SOOO much in common, then after we got married I kept discovering things that we have completely different opinions about. I have also discovered that there are things he doesn't like, or does like that he never told me before we got married 'just to be nice'. But now that we are married he tells me these things and I'm like, why didn't you tell me this before?!?!! After over 3 years of marriage he finally told me that he doesn't care much for pasta or rice, both of which are main ingredients to almost everything I cook. No wonder he never really cared for what I made for dinner. Also, that he can be so macho about almost anything, but when he gets sick he's a big baby. Suprises about having kids- I always heard that childbirth was painful but everyone always said "You'll FORGET the pain." Like hell!! (pardon my language) I to this day remember the pain I felt having both of my children. In my opinion, it is impossible to 'forget' the pain, however, you 'forgive' the pain when you see the beautiful baby that has just been born. I also agree with pretty much everything else that has been said with the exception of the teenagers, I don't have one of those yet. Charity |
User: Jayde877
Member since: 07-27-2005 Total posts: 106 
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From: bridesmom
Date: 09-28-2005, 11:05 PM (14 of 15)
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I was surprised that marriage was so much work. I figured you got married, lived happily ever after and got that bubble burst after the first two years. But now I have been happily married to my 2nd husband for 19 years, only by the grace of God, cause we are so totally opposite. We almost didn't make it, but we both had commited to making this work and it has. Kids - I was surprised that no matter how old they get, they are still your babies and I am still as protective of them as I was when they were babies. And they are now 29 and 26. And I was totally surprised at how much I fell in love with my granddaughter the first moment I saw her. Laura
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D |
User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004 Total posts: 2026 |
From: Sancin
Date: 10-08-2005, 05:27 AM (15 of 15)
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I didn't answer this question earlier as I wasn't sure whether it was the marriage that was a surprise or the man, and I had to think about it , but concluded neither was particularly right. I am still surprised at things that change now that I am 65. I keep thinking that some things, like family, won't change much, even though I know better. I have been single again for as long as I was married. I tend to try to be contented where ever I am but I married a man who had so many expectations that he didn't describe until he was walking out the door. He was surprised I wasn't a mind reader. I was surprised that he thought I could mindread! If I was ever to marry again, and I am running out of time to walk in the sunset with 'my old man' I would definitely look for friendship first. Romance isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Cause as Bridesmom says, marriage is a lot of work! Regarding children: I had had a lot of experience with children of types when I had became a mother - something that had always been a dream of mine. I knew each child is unique. I even recognized the differences in newborn nurseries. My children are only 14 months apart in age and 180 degree different in temperment - even though they looked like twins. They got alone fine and part of it was because of the order of birth and their temperments. If the first had been born second it would have been hell! Fortunately I recognized the difference almost immediately, but many others including their father and school teachers didn't. *~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895 
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