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The Sew What’s New Archive

This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: carman
Date: 11-23-2005, 04:21 PM (1 of 12)
every year at this time i renew my admiration for working moms. i am pretty much full time, volunteering, at a Christmas program the city has been running for 50 years, i have been involved in some capacity for 5 or so years. we deliver toys to nearly 27,000 kids, yep that many EVERY year, the campaign goes form the November 21 to December 24, we have the big delivery days the 17th and 18th of December(all volunteers, thousands of drivers every year come)

i come home after a 10 hour day or so and i am EXCHAUSTED :re: i have no kids, two dogs that then want to be walked etc. all i can think is how do "they" do it.

so kudos's to you working moms, and moms in general too :bluewink:
User: carman
Member since: 04-17-2000
Total posts: 692
From: MaryW
Date: 11-23-2005, 07:13 PM (2 of 12)
This is a huge topic, thanks Carman for bringing this to light. Their responsibilities must hang very heavy on their shoulders. This time of year is especially tense for them.I am in awe of those who are single parents. I tip my hat to you!

I have a daughter who is a single parent, I can see the weariness and the the lonely mood that happens.
owner/editor of Sew Whats New
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
From: bren
Date: 11-24-2005, 07:25 AM (3 of 12)
I work full time ...come home so tired I can hardley stand it ...I don't know how moms do it with children......I was very Lucky ....I never worked out side the home till my daughter was fourteen...
I try to help my daughter by babysitting my DGS ...Once a week ...I realy wish I could do more but energy is just not there.

I also take My Hat off to all you single moms and married moms with children.
Don't let anyone ...Live Rent Free In Your Head
User: bren
Member since: 11-30-2002
Total posts: 489
From: DorothyL
Date: 11-24-2005, 08:04 AM (4 of 12)
I was one of those lucky moms that had it both ways. I was able to have a good job working from home (still do). I had a wonderful boss and a funny little computer that made it possible.
I also had a partner raising the kids. I don't know how single moms do it. But as one of my daughter's friends said yesterday, "You just do it."
And single dads too -- we have one of those on here don't we.
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883
From: carman
Date: 11-24-2005, 09:14 AM (5 of 12)
Dorthy that is a great remainder too, there are many working single dads too, and we seem to forget about them.

my sister is a single mom too, and i have over the years been Auntie Mom to them, now that they are 10 and 15 the load is much lighter on my side, we still do the the evening runs to there functions that they are in and i volunteer at the schools to keep up on whats happening there, keeps the kids honest lol but my load is still much less stressful than my sisters, two dogs are my worst stress and that is a drop in the bucket :bluewink:
User: carman
Member since: 04-17-2000
Total posts: 692
From: bren
Date: 11-24-2005, 09:55 AM (6 of 12)
Thanks Dorothy...your so right ...the single working dad's with children...have a load to carry also...I also will add the working married men...My daughter's hubby 's job keeps him at work till 6pm and then by the time he gets home from Toronto hour drive ...its he works 6 day's a week ...and happens to be a wonderful father when he gets home...thanks again Dorthy for the reminder.
Don't let anyone ...Live Rent Free In Your Head
User: bren
Member since: 11-30-2002
Total posts: 489
From: Sancin
Date: 11-24-2005, 06:38 PM (7 of 12)
I have done all the stages. I was at home for 5 years with 2 children a year apart. That was a rather fun, but not stimulating intellectually. My house was spotless and absolutely everything was handmade from scatch - food and fabric. Parent participating preschool. I worked through my children's primary school years although marriage was rocky and emotionally draining. I was able to hire someone to come in after school to be with the children and do some housework and laundry. Evenings were spent driving around. My children often tell me I was a single parent during this period. But I sure wasn't a single woman - entertaining was de rigor. As I am not a morning person I made a concious decision not to encourage early swimming or skating activities. I became a full time single parent when my children entered their teens, and to tell the truth, other than a few financial concerns, it was easier parenting - no one to contradict the rules. My children were wonderful in helping around the house - the house stayed clean, but not spotless, we ate well and the children learned to cook but no fabric made decorations or clothing, except for a skirt or two for myself and costumes for plays. I seemed to have energy in those days, but these days I can't recall what that felt like. I did work long hours, some at home, but it was stimulating and energising
My house had an open door for all their friends and my children learned a great deal about responsibility, independance and being supportive of others.

I do feel for parents who barely have time to know themselves before they are parenting. The pressure must be incredible to make decisions and discern what is the most important thing to focus on let alone have some time to themselves. I worked with quite a few parents in that situation. Also parents who have financial concerns. My blessings to all in that situation.

I was fortunate to have completed my education before I married and have always had a little more than sustaining employment.
*~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005
Total posts: 895
From: Jayde877
Date: 11-29-2005, 11:38 AM (8 of 12)
I must say this is definately an interesting topic. I am drawn to it, simply because I am a working mom probably. For the first few years of parenting I was a single mom. I had two children, 13 months apart, living in an upstairs apartment. That was always interesting to get two kids(neither of which were walking), diaperbags, me and all that I needed, downstairs at the same time. I had a sitter most of the time, though my mother lived close by, she charged me as much if not more than a regular sitter. She said her reasoning for charging me was so I wouldn't take advantage of her and just leave the kids there whenever. After a few years of this I moved away from my mother with a boyfriend and everything went downhill. He wouldn't keep a job and we ended up living in a shed for a while. During that time, my children went to live with my mother, allowing me some time to fix my own problems. I kept in contact with my children quite regularly and would go visit them and have them come stay with me whenever time allowed. After not quite a year with my mother, she called me to inform me that she was having back surgery and needed me to come live with her to help her out and to return to raising my children. I did, having split up with my boyfriend months before this happened. A couple of months went by and I had a court date with the Attorney General about child support. I hadn't seen my son's father for nearly 5 years. When we actually talked it was amazing, less than a week after that we were back together and making plans to get married. We were married four years ago and I haven't been a single parent since then. Yes, we argue from time to time about parenting, but we agree for the most part. I prefer not being a single parent and I love my husband very much. My kids love him too, and he treats both our son and daughter the same, even though our daughter is not his. I just can't help but smile when he introduces the kids to friends of his and says this is my son, and this is my daughter. Most people don't know that she's not his, and quite a few people even comment on how she looks like him.

Well, now that I have gotten completely off the subject, and probably bored all of you to tears, I am still and will always be a working mom. I know what it's like to be both a single and a married working mom, and both are hard. I would love to be able to quit my job and stay home so that I never have to worry about what time the kids get home from school. I have tried different 'work from home' things and they never are as good as they sound. So to all my fellow working moms, single and married, and not to leave out the dads, because you guys are awesome too!! Good luck, keep your chin high and remember, someday the kids will be grown and will realize all that we have done, and love us for it.

User: Jayde877
Member since: 07-27-2005
Total posts: 106
From: mozeyrn
Date: 12-14-2005, 03:31 PM (9 of 12)
I work full-time driving an hour to work. My husband leaves on Sunday night and returns on Friday. After getting myself ready, I need to get my 2 1/2 year old dd ready. Then I let out our 2 dogs (a 55-lb female shepherd/collie mix and 95-lb male golden retriever), give my dd breakfast and make her lunch. Then it's off to daycare and then work. On my way home from work I pick her up (she's normally the last one to leave) and get home to let the dogs out again. Between getting everyone fed, doing the laundry and cleaning the house I started getting VERY depressed and short tempered. I realized something had to change. I couldn't change my circumstances but I could alter them a bit. I joined the gym and started working out again. Years ago (while I was still single) I was really into body building. After getting married, having a child and then getting a desk job I started to develop the dreaded "secretarial spread" (I'm no spring chicken anymore). Until recently it hadn't bothered me until I tried on a bathing suit, looked in the mirror and almost fainted! :shock: I could pack for a family of 5 in those saddlebags! So I've been going to the gym regularly for almost a month and am just starting to feel normal again. It feels good to get your frustrations out. My dh isn't too happy that I'm going to lose "the girls" but God blessed me with an athletic body type and I'd rather be flat chested and thin than big chested and heavy (no offense to anyone). I want my daughter to realize that it's OK for Momma to do something that makes her happy.
Now if I could just find time to sew.....................
- Maureen.
Learning something new with every stitch!!
Kenmore 16231000
User: mozeyrn
Member since: 11-29-2005
Total posts: 349
From: bridesmom
Date: 12-16-2005, 11:05 AM (10 of 12)
I was a single working mom for about 6 years, it was hard but I got through it with my wonderful mom. Now that I am a grandma, and I watch my own kids with their babies, both married and single, I am almost overwhelmed at what a tough job it is, being a mom, whether single or with a partner. Personally I think parenting is close to the toughest job anyone will ever do. There's no manual, and no two kids are alike, so anything you learned the first time around usually doesn't work with the next. Then by the time you've figured it out, they are grown and having their own, and they need to learn it on their own. Hugs to all you moms out there (and you dads)- you're doing a wonderful job
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D
User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004
Total posts: 2026
From: Dede
Date: 12-18-2005, 11:39 AM (11 of 12)
I raise my hat to all the responsible parents out there. You deserve a pat in the back and a big hug. You also deserve to take care of yourselves, do everything you can to achieve that. If you can afford a cleaning lady, even if just once per month or every second month, do it. If somebody offers to take care of the kids once in while, say yes, thank you. I like hearing your stories and life experiences. Thank you for sharing.
User: Dede
Member since: 03-23-2001
Total posts: 469
From: Sancin
Date: 12-18-2005, 08:08 PM (12 of 12)
Dede -You offer good advice. When I was at home with 2 preschooler who were very much like twins I tried to remember my mother (who lived days away) feeling as overwhelmed as I did, especially as she had a much bigger house. Then I remembered I that I essentially grew up in an extended family community. My father had young sisters who used to love to take me (usually) or my younger brothers off for the day. In the summer my other grandmother would take one of us for days at a time and we had our summer cottage in extended family property. There was always an adult or older cousin around. My mother never really worried where we were and she could garden or cook (her favourite tasks) or even nap without having us constantly on her mind. I think I would have had to organize to death a take away day - clothes, snacks, rules, toys, etc. Like I did for babysitters.
I have my mother's old diaries, which essentially were books of days, and I am surprised at the number of people in her life each day. No modern conviences either, including a car, but expectations weren't as high. I think today we have been 'set up' to do it all and to do it independantly and perfectly. We are also frightened to death by news stories. I can remember when I was a child any adult had to be obeyed. I'm afraid I still have a bit of that in me and don't hesitate to tell children to behave when they seem to be heading for trouble.
I once read a sociology study on the demise of the 'Boston Maiden Aunt'. I had a few of those as well. The maiden aunt was the one who took the children nice places and ensured good manners. :yawn:
I can think of any number of times I wished I had someone to take my children for a day. Just before they started school I started to use my Canadian Family Allowance (now defunct, new promised, and not an awful lot) and take the children to a babysitter for 1/2 day a week. I would do whatever I wanted. Shopped, slept, read, cleaned house, sewed and even treat headaches! :bluewink: I really think it saved my sanity. I realize that single parents can't always do that, but perhaps on a day off they can rethink their finances and eating cereal for a day or two may not be the end of the world as long as they have their own personal rest and growth time. And perhaps the rest of us have duty to society to offer to take children for awhile for parents that may not even be our family. I have a neighbour with 2 young babies that I would love to take for a few hours if asked, but she has 2 sets of parents around.
I am overwhelmed thinking of travelling time to and from work as Mozeyrn describes. I am retired and time to time think of moving until I remember all the traffic in places I would like to move to and how long it takes to get places due to the traffic. In Prince George I can go anywhere in and close by the city in 15 minutes or less. Used to be 7 minutes to my work. My blessings to all parents. Relax and let your children grow, they will anyway! :re:
*~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005
Total posts: 895
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