Sew What’s Up Presents
The Sew What’s New Archive
This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and
quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was
retired in August 2007. It is being provided by
“Sew What’s Up,”
which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: Midwest Quilt Builder
Date: 03-09-2006, 09:10 AM (1 of 29)
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Hi Everyone, I'm learning to speak Alzheimers as my mother has the disease. I'd say she is in a mid stag 2. She knows us but has many delusions. Often she is very frightened due to things and circumstances that are not really present. My family and I keep educating ourselves so that we know how to talk to her in the most advantageous way to calm her down. This Sat. we are moving her into Reminiscent Community (Alzheimer unit). She is currently in an assisted living setting and needs more care now. I can't believe how incredibly painful everyday is. My mother says unimaginable things to me - she was always a person that was the peacekeeper in the family - always very pleasant personality. You know, I miss my mother - the mother that I've known all my life is gone now. But aside from it being so painful for me and my family - she suffers so much anxiety that is heartbreaking. Are any of you also learning to speak Alzheimers? MQB |
User: Midwest Quilt Builder
Member since: 12-03-2002 Total posts: 17 |
From: MaryW
Date: 03-09-2006, 09:26 AM (2 of 29)
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My husband and I dealt with Alzheimers years ago with his mother. It is gut wrenching for the family to watch their loved one fall farther and farther away. We went thru many terrible situations. She lingered on for years in a secure facility not knowing anyone or able to care for herself.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
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From: SummersEchos
Date: 03-09-2006, 09:58 AM (3 of 29)
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I am taking care of my mom who has Alzheimers. I live with her at her house to make it easier for her. I guess I am one of the lucky ones, mom is very passive. She mostly sleeps. She can't do anything for herself except eat, and that is with coaching and a little help. It is very hard to see this. I miss my mom even tho I am with her. It is terrible to watch this, breaks your heart into little pieces.
Summer
FREE FALLIN |
User: SummersEchos
Member since: 09-29-2004 Total posts: 884 |
From: Midwest Quilt Builder
Date: 03-09-2006, 11:00 AM (4 of 29)
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Mary, I'm so sorry that you also went through this. Summer, you are a blessing to your mom. I am always feeling bad because I can't spend more time with my mom as I have to work about 50 hrs. a week. I devote my Saturdays and Sundays to her and I also take vacation time to take her to her many doc appts. when she needs to go during the week. But still.... I don't feel that I'm doing enough. |
User: Midwest Quilt Builder
Member since: 12-03-2002 Total posts: 17 |
From: MaryW
Date: 03-09-2006, 11:38 AM (5 of 29)
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I bet if you were there 24/7 you would still feel like you didn't do enough. There are always twinges of guilt.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Magot
Date: 03-09-2006, 11:53 AM (6 of 29)
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A good friend of mine is going through this at the moment. Her Mum is the stay in bed all day type but also says unspakable things to my friend. Do you have a close friend you can talk to about how you are feeling?
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: swartzrn
Date: 03-09-2006, 01:21 PM (7 of 29)
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Alzheimers is a very hard disease process to deal with. My husband's grandmother who has always beein the epitome of a lady had alzheimers and went from a fiesty little lady who never left the house w/out makeup and her hair done to exactly the opposite. She required care all the time and had boughts of aggression which was very out of character for her. She passed away a year ago after having multiple medical problems to boot. The last time we visited her, my husband literally cried when we left b/c he couldn't believe the change in just a few months from the last time he'd seen her. She was a wonderful, sweet, gentle woman and for him to see her in this state and later hear of her aggressive behavior was more than he could stand. My heart goes out to all of you who are having to deal with loved one's with alzheimers. You will be in my prayers. Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436 
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From: AndreaSews
Date: 03-09-2006, 01:53 PM (8 of 29)
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MQB, my heart is with you and your mom. I've dealt with Alzheimer's in my home and in my work. I think tapping in to your mother's anxieties is key. Now that she is headed for the AD unit, she'll be observed in a 24/7 way, and perhaps they'll be able to adjust medications in order to ease her anxieties. I have seen some delightful souls with AD grow older peacefully and experience enjoyment again, once they got their meds tweaked. A change to a more appropriate environment for her changing level of cognitive disability can also make a big difference in her sense of comfort and security. You just keep on loving her, even in your extended time of loss, and you will be rewarded with fond memories to pass down. Thanks for reaching out.
Andrea
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User: AndreaSews
Member since: 02-18-2005 Total posts: 1007 
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From: Bama
Date: 03-09-2006, 05:03 PM (9 of 29)
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My grandmother had Alzheimer's. We were lucky she never became aggressive. She was always happy and became very child-like. My parents and aunts and uncles learned that it was best to go along with whatever she said. She would get upset and confused if they tried to correct her. She had moments when she would suddenly remember people or things she hadn't remembered in a long time. Before Christmas one year, she hadn't said anything in several weeks. My mom told her that Christmas was just a few days away and she grinned and said, "fruitcake".  My 60yo aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few months ago. She called all the family and asked for a family reunion while she still knew everyone. She's slowly getting worse. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116 
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-09-2006, 07:37 PM (10 of 29)
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My grandmother died from it in 87. Since there was only my sister and I left, I got to take care of her. She was also childlike. She'd hold my hand, call me by my mothers nick name (her daughter). I'd just answer and make sure I was holding her hand so she wouldn't wander off. She was also deaf (from her 20's) and that didn't help. Luckily she went fast. (and I don't mean that in a mean and harsh way. If I had MY way, I'd have traded places with her). I miss her every day. She taught me to sew, garden and kept me alive. Without her and her love I'd probably be dead. It was hard to watch her, but since she always smiled and loved me, whether she knew it was me or not, it wasn't so bad. (not as bad as the poor people who turn into someone else and get violent.) Thats why when my home phone rings, it plays, 'When Irish Eyes Are Smilin', in honor of my grandmother and her Irish smilin eyes. (and my sister and I celebrate St Patricks Day, with presents even.) I'm sorry so many others are going through the same thing. It's the hardest thing to watch or 'live in'. I hope one day they find a way to stop it, or at the very least, slow it down. Get as much help as you can, from as many people and places as you can. It's tiring, emotionally, physically and monetarily it will drain all your (their) savings. Remember to take care of yourself too....and if you feel the need to rant, rave or cry....we're all here..send e-mail if you want. I answer mine. [[[ ]]] Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: beachgirl
Date: 03-09-2006, 10:45 PM (11 of 29)
| My mom had Alzheimers for over 10 yrs. She passed away in 91. Alzheimers is a living death for the ones that love the person. My mom was so gentle all through it. We have a wonderful Alzheimers group here & I learned all I could about it & sent books & paid for phone calls for any questions her care giver at the time had. Mom lived in Mo & me in Fl. I spent most of my time going back & forth. I wanted to take care of her here at my home but my 3 brothers said no. I nearly had a break down over that but finally realized they were looking out for me & my family. I took care of patients here in town to relieve their caregivers. They go through so many stages & all is heartbreaking. I remember the last time my mom knew who I was. I tried everything for her to do that again. I dyed my hair, let it grow longer, etc but nothing worked. One trip up we were talking to her & DH put his arm around me. She got so mad at him as she recognizedhim but not me. She thought he had another woman with him. We still laugh about that. She really told him off. Everytime she passed a mirror shed look at herself & say " I don't know who that old woman is but she's here every time I come in this room ". She had no idea it was her in the mirror. At that time she though she was real young & single. I still have the tapes where I taped talking to her on the phone checking on her. My daddy as well when she was still home.I miss her so much. We were best friends. If I get stumped on a quilting piece I look up & ask her how she did that. No, I don't get an answer but it won't be long before I picture her doing the same thing & I figure it out. It's just calms me to remember I think. Enough of this but enjoy all that you can & treasure the moments.Prayers are with you. |
User: beachgirl
Member since: 08-31-2004 Total posts: 615 
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From: plrlegal
Date: 03-09-2006, 11:05 PM (12 of 29)
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I'm so sad to hear about your Mom. My mom is 89 and suffers from dementia which is not alzheimers but has some of the same characteristics. We finally had to put her in a private care home and she has a wonderful caretaker who is an absolute angel. When my mom is having one of her episodes, she stays awake for several days and talks almost constantly and then when it's over, she sleeps for at least 2 days, nonstop and the lady that takes care of her adjusts her schedule accordingly and stays up with her and then sleeps when she sleeps. Like everyone else, what she sees is real to her so we all have to agree with her and conjole her or she gets extremely upset and says we all thinks she crazy. It is very sad and hard to relate to that person who was my mother for so many years. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: SummersEchos
Date: 03-09-2006, 11:33 PM (13 of 29)
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MQB, I give you a lot of credit for doing what you do. Going on the weekends to see mom. I myself believe it would be easier to take care of your folks at home than somewhere else. You, to me, have to be dedicated to going to see them. I know life gets in the way and to make the commitment to go like that is a BIG one. For me it was better I do it this way. I am single with grown children, and all the pieces fell into place. It is a long story, but it has worked out. I hope you stop the feeling of guilt, you are doing what YOU can do and that is what is important. This is a hard road to walk down, keep people around you who you can talk too. Summer
FREE FALLIN |
User: SummersEchos
Member since: 09-29-2004 Total posts: 884 |
From: paroper
Date: 03-10-2006, 07:20 AM (14 of 29)
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I took my family of five and moved in to take care of my mom seven years before she died. She didn't have Alzheimers, she had Parkinsons. When she was diagnosed, I felt blessed that it wasn't Alzheimers. In the later years I came to realize that Parkinsons is just Alzheimers with a twist (mobility problem). The pain of watching an English teacher (49 years) slowly turn out the lights was terrible. With Parkinsons' the hallucinations always deal with living things, usually people. We spent many nights comforting a woman that was experiencing hallucinations. (They happened in the daytime too, it is just that it was more difficult at night.) It was difficult for family members to visit on occasion and realize how far she had declined. It was excruciating to see it happen day to day. My grandmother suffered from dementia when I was in high school/early college. In the end she ended up living with my family. I was closer to her than any living being I've ever known. She was a true pioneer, coming to Oklahoma in the first few months of statehood and setting up a as a farmer/rancher. She was very strong from years of carrying calves, loading hay and feed. When the dementia set in she was dangerous because she could hurt people (and sometimes did). When she died I was devastated until I suddenly realized that she had been gone for a while and we had been slowly mourning her passing all that time. My hat is off to all of you, whether your family member is in your home, or away, it is still a slow agonizing time. As far as caring for your loved one at home or in a facility, there are no right answers, it really depends on your situation. Whether they are with your or away, the pain is the same. You just have to deal with it the best you can. Try to keep a sense of humor. Sometimes little blessings come at the most unexpected times with these diseases. pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
From: Midwest Quilt Builder
Date: 03-10-2006, 09:01 AM (15 of 29)
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It is very consoling to hear the wisdom from others that have walked the path. Thank you. You made me cry and laugh…….. Bama, “fruitcake”; what a delightful memory! Jan, I do have my sister. Her and I share the responsibility for my mom and I thank g-d everyday for her. Andrea, you sound very knowledgeable in the field of Alzheimers and I appreciate your advice. Chrys, incredible touching memories. My heart also goes out to all of you that have gone, or are going through, this journey. We move my mom tomorrow. My sister and I went in again last night to the care center and looked at the apartment again, talked with the staff and signed papers…. Everyone needs papers. My co-worker, Maureen, had her mother in the same center several years ago (her mother has passed on). Maureen had nothing but good things to say about this unit and the caring people that work with the Alzheimer’s patients. Some of the same staff are still there – which is very comforting. I have a good measure of anxiety about moving mom tomorrow. I’ve received many suggestions from the staff at the unit to make the move go smoothly for mom. I’ll let you know how it goes. Thank you all for sharing your memories. It really helps me tremendously. Rose |
User: Midwest Quilt Builder
Member since: 12-03-2002 Total posts: 17 |
From: LeapFrog Libby
Date: 03-10-2006, 02:23 PM (16 of 29)
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Rose, I lost my beloved Mother 3 1/2 years ago .. She was in a care facility the last 2 years , but it was close to my home so I could go frequently to see her.. I was the oldest , so she remembered me the longest., but I know the heartbreak when she looks at you with absolutely no recognition in her eyes.. Try to concentrate on the good memories, and find things she remembers that you can laugh with her about.. We could always talk with Mother about her young years.. She never lost her social skills.. She always loved to talk.. The drastic change in my Mother was all her life she was feisty and outspoken and then, all of a sudden she became this sweet, mild mannered little old woman.. Strange as it sounds , we missed the old version of her. She always loved children and ran a day care for years.. When they brought young kids and babies from a day care to the nursing home, I wish you could have seen how she would smile.. And all the babies would go right to her..There is a book, I forgot whe wrote it but see if you can find it.. The 36 hour day is the name of it.. Check with your local Alzheimers assn..or support group.. If you would like to correspond with me further, send me a pm and I will send you my e-mail.. I send you thought of love and I pray for you.. Sew With Love
Libby |
User: LeapFrog Libby
Member since: 05-01-2002 Total posts: 2022 
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From: paroper
Date: 03-10-2006, 02:49 PM (17 of 29)
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It is a wonderful book and a real comfort!
pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
From: Sancin
Date: 03-10-2006, 06:00 PM (18 of 29)
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My mother's death is too recent to discuss this topic in much detail, but much of what has been said I went through. Now this is the nurse talking - Others should be aware that while there are many forms of dementia, there is also temporary dementia (aka confusion). I received a phone call from my ex in another city and scared because his 98 yr old father was rambling and had to be restrained. It turned out he was confused due to dehydration and reaction to medications (he had fallen and broken his hip). Once he had had IV's and his medication adjusted he returned to his old self. While I did not work much with the elderly as a nurse, I did see confused patients. Some people who have surgery to eyes or ears become confused as they literally lose a sense temporarily. So if you have a loved one or one you know who suddenly becomes confused have them checked our quickly and don't panic that the change is permanent and will continue. Not drinking enough fluids leads to confusion very quickly in the elderly as it does in infants. On the other hand, sometimes we wish that the dementia/confusion is only temporary. I understand your anxiety about moving your mother, Rose, and she probably will have some changes in behaviour as she settles in. It will be a BIG change to her. I have found that care workers who work with the elderly understand this and care appropriately. She will settle in in a few days. You and your sister need to take big breaths and not let the situation upset you too much. You are doing the best thing for your mother. Sometimes confused people do say some funny things, but they also can say some angry and hurful things. They won't remember them, so you shouldn't. My thoughts are with you. Something to think about if others need to move parents. My mother was initally placed in a single room, which turned out to be more confusing to her as it was isolating. Once she was moved into a shared room, which horrified myself and my very private brother, she was much better. She didn't interact much with her roommate, but it was a sign to her that she wasn't alone. I used to think about common practices and comforts with hospitalized patients and felt for those patients who slept in little narrow hospital beds when they probably slept in bigger and even queen size beds at home. My thoughts are with you and all others going through major transitions. *~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895 
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From: paroper
Date: 03-10-2006, 08:15 PM (19 of 29)
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Even necessary transitions in their own home enviroment can be terribly traumatic. The most horrific thing for my mom was when we took away the bed that she and dad had shared for years and put her in a hospital bed because she was starting to try to get up at night (unable to walk). Small things to you and me, like moving a bed closer to the bathroom can just be more than they can handle. When you are away from your siblings and decisions must be made, sometimes it gets difficult. Remember that their last point of reference was the last time they saw your loved one. It can be very hard for them to accept the way things are at the moment. Also, when they come to visit, they may actually notice things that have changed so slowly that you didn't notice. Always keep a close eye on the meds and what happened when there are changes. The doctors can only judge what they see. If you can relate changes to medication or other events it can help with your loved one's care. My mother was actually institutionalized (mental) because of a change in her meds. I had a hard time convincing a doctor of the cause. When I finally found a doctor that would listen, she started to rebound almost immediately. pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
From: jenny-o
Date: 03-10-2006, 08:32 PM (20 of 29)
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My father was raised by his aunt and uncle so I always called them grandma and grandpa. My grandpa had alzheimers when I was a teenager but they lived in Calgary so I didn't see him until years later. I drove out to visit them with my dad when I was about 22. By this point he was living in an alzheimers home. In the couple years before that he kept wandering away from home and getting lost. My grandma tried to prepare me for the visit but I was pretty young at the time and had never seen anything like it before. I couldn't stop crying the entire week I was there. He was such a kind and gentle man and to see him unable to speak or recognize any of us was heart breaking. I felt so terrible because I couldn't stop crying infront of him and it made him cry too. He used to smoke a pipe after dinner (eventually he forgot he smoked it too) and drink gin, those smells are etched into my heart and if I ever smell a pipe somewhere (which is very rare these days) it brings back such happy memories. He was so funny, once he vacuumed up the water that spilled over the edge of their swimming pool and broke the vacuume so he bought my grandma a diamond ring to make up for it. He died almost two weeks after I saw him. I remember feeling so relieved that he wouldn't have to live like that anymore. I would never have realized how devastating the disease is if I hadn't seen him myself. My heart and prayers go out to all of you dealing with it in your own families. Jen |
User: jenny-o
Member since: 08-28-2005 Total posts: 132 |
From: bridesmom
Date: 03-11-2006, 01:57 AM (21 of 29)
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My dad had Alzheimers and it was very difficult dealing with it. I think I learned mostly to not try to correct him, to go along with what he was seeing or believing, which seemed to lessen his anxiety. He spent most of his time back in the war, and thought he was just staying with us on a furlough, he always had a suitcase packed at the door, that you dared not more. He got quite violent and agressive at times, but was too old and weak to be very threatening. It was really hard on my mom to watch the love of her life deteriorate like that before her eyes. He never did know who I was, though I was a younger sister, and I just went along with it. He finally died of pneumonia. My heart goes out to you, it's not an easy time and I pray that you will have the patience to bear through.
Laura
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D |
User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004 Total posts: 2026 |
From: Sancin
Date: 03-11-2006, 04:39 AM (22 of 29)
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Pam, you are bang on about who sees what. My brother that lived closest to my mother did not believe the initial changes in my mother that my father talked about and that my other brother and I saw when we went to visit and stayed (see thread on visitors!!). My mother was able to 'pretend' things were OK for an hour or two when my closest brother visited, but couldn't keep it up 24 hours a day. She had a different dementia that took a number of years to become incompacitating. Unfortunately the person with Alzheimers is often aware, in the beginning, of changes. I think that would be the most terrifying of all - knowing what was coming. I have an aquaintence who is only 60 and has been diagnosed with AZ. He is a real estate agent and continues to work, but has to have everything checked out for him. No one know how long he will be able to manage but he is keeping his mind busy.
*~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895
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From: beachgirl
Date: 03-11-2006, 09:57 AM (23 of 29)
| I know my mom knew for awhile that she had Alzheimers. One of her sisters had it at the time. Mom was very good at hiding it from others. My dad or my brother that lived close to them couldn't see it. When they stayed one winter with us I sure saw it. Mom was so good with answers, she could answer you with a question of her own & if you weren't sharp you wouldn't notice she hadn't really answered you. She was in the first stage then. After they returned home she overdosed on her meds. She'd forgotten she had taken them already. Ended up in the hospital, survived that but it was down hill from there on. If you really listen when they feel they are in the past you can learn a lot from their life. Ask questions & they will talk to you about stuff. It can be so interesting for you plus it makes them feel good. Thank heavens my mom had a happy childhood & we laughed about the dances she went to, her schooling, her brother teaching her to swim & all sorts of things. She didn't remember my dad except from school so I heard about his antics in school also. It was sad she didn't know I was her daughter but I was a friend to her then. The worse thing a person can do it contradict the person. They are in their own time zone. You have to more or less treat them as you would a small child & make them think what you want them to do is their idea. Each person is different of course. |
User: beachgirl
Member since: 08-31-2004 Total posts: 615
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From: paroper
Date: 03-11-2006, 10:19 AM (24 of 29)
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I took Mom to a hospital very early in her treatment. She had fallen and broken her hip after several falls in a row. As we sat in the waiting room, she was in extreme pain. A little girl who was there had a mother in treatment and the little girl, about 8 years old, was terrified. Just looking for something to divert Mom's attention (and hers), I told mom to tell her something about when she was a little girl. Mom started talking about the telephone system when she was younger. Their rings was two longs, three shorts. She went on to tell how the operator knew everything about everyone. She'd say please ring Mrs. X and the operator would say well, "She's not home, she is at Mrs. Y's place playing bridge, do you want me to ring there?" As her little story unfolded it became one of the most enjoyable stories I'd ever heard her tell. Mom was pretty sharp. In her later days she, too knew how to turn the conversation so that she wasn't talking. She could keep someone talking about themselves for hours and the person, if they weren't thinking wouldn't realize it. Then they'd tell me how sharp she was. After her company would leave she'd be totally exausted sometimes for days. pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
From: Ann Made
Date: 03-14-2006, 10:01 AM (25 of 29)
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My mom passed away 4 weeks ago yesterday and she had had Alzheimer's for 12 years. She was 82. They put her down for her nap and she died in her sleep. My mom was a lady who was always well dressed, sharp as a tack, and strong. It was horrid to see her leave her body. She was in a scoop chair as she quit walking early in the game. She quit talking about half way through but seem to understand us until a couple of years ago. Then the slate went blank. Alzheimer's patients have depressions and mom was on medication for them and hallucinations. She always got agitated around 3 o'clock - about the time children go home from school. She had people living in her private room, thought she was raped by an old harmless coot down the hall, and was pregnant by him. She spent some time looking for my dad. What bothered us the most was loosing her when she lived at home with us for a year. She had a fear of getting lost and would come back to the house 2 or 3 times when going for a walk but my husband was so scared that she would walk to the horses and not find her way home. It was scary. He also had to flick the power off in the kitchen for fear she would burn down the place. He was exhausted when we put her in a nursing home. I was living down south at the time. I felt sorry for my husband as he was accused of stealing her clothes, her money, and her food while having to take care of her and a business at the same time. He did it patiently. At the same time I was sorry for her as she was so confused and ended up hating the son-in-law that she spent so many wonderful hours with. Having mom in the nursing homes was the best thing we ever did. She was well looked after, had her medications tweaked regularly giving her the best life possible. For her, she felt independent again in the first home as she had her own room to look after and went out to the dining hall to eat. It was great for her. When she got worse, we put her into extended care and the workers gave her the best care going. They treated her well, talked to her, teased her, and loved her. For us it was a blessing as we both knew we couldn't look after her; DH had the feedlot and I worked away from home. BTW, DH's mom died of Parkinson's Disease and his 89 year old dad has Alzheimer's Disease. It seems to never end but we will survive it. Learning is a journey, not a race.
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User: Ann Made
Member since: 04-07-2001 Total posts: 67 
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From: Midwest Quilt Builder
Date: 03-17-2006, 09:32 AM (26 of 29)
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Ann - so sorry about your mom. No matter how much one plans for the event it is always a shock and difficult. Libby, I do have the book 36 Hour Day - Several copies were given to us from the Community where my mom now lives. I've also read some other good book on the AZ subj. that really helped me understand what is going on. Nancy, interesting that you mention a shared room - I would never have wanted my mom in a shared room (like you) and I don't have her in one now. However she is more anxious and my sister and I get more calls when she is alone in her room. BEACHGIRL: "The worse thing a person can do is contradict the person. They are in their own time zone. You have to more or less treat them as you would a small child & make them think what you want them to do is their idea." I agree with you - that is very important advice. Much of the time AZ patients will ask continually to go home - as my mom does - even though they have no idea where home is. I have tried many times to explain to my mom that where she is, is her home. She rejects that. Her doctor told us to just say "of course" and be noncommittal when she asks now. This has been a very difficult week - my sister and I know in our heart of hearts that we did the right thing to keep mom safe, help her and take care of her but we have times when we do question that, as mom is having a very difficult time getting used to her new surroundings. She has been very upset - she packs up much of her room twice a day! Then the staff unpacks her or we do. They told us that one lady packs up 5 times a day! The first couple of days were absolutely brutal - the anger, anxiety. I'm hopeful for any small glimmer now - there have been less middle-of-the-night phone calls. Possibly this is a trend towards an improvement due to her new care and surroundings. I don't completely know. I do know that we go a baby step forward and then two giant steps back. Blessing to all of you that have been through this and are currently going through this. It is heartbreaking. Rose |
User: Midwest Quilt Builder
Member since: 12-03-2002 Total posts: 17 |
From: MaryW
Date: 03-17-2006, 10:28 AM (27 of 29)
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Rose, your post brings back such memories. My MIL would be up all night, trying to leave, filling anything and everything full of water, I could go on and on. We were all exhausted. Hang in there.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Ann Made
Date: 03-17-2006, 11:28 AM (28 of 29)
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I remember my mom packing also. She was going somewhere but we never knew where. Her other habit was to put on all her clothing. She would spend an afternoon doing it. The nurses found the only way they could get them off her was to announce it was bath time. She loved that so willingly took off all her clothes to have a bath. In the end we only had what she wore that day in her closet. It helped her with that anxiety. We never contradicted mom. It was easy to go along with her and leave her with a vague answer. It was less agitating for her and for us. One of the things I did when I visited mom was to make sure she drank lots. I always gave her gingerale, cranberry juice, and water. She use to drink it all for me plus eat her dinner and cookies. I may have been there 2 hours but she was well fed. The head person (a man) use to come in early every day and feed her breakfast. He donated the hour each day he worked and we are thankful for that. The nurses use to take her and another person who ate slowly and feed them together and planned an hour for her lunch and dinner. She never went hungry thanks to them. When I go in to get her things, I am taking them in a huge bunch of flowers as a thank-you for all they did for her. They were the best bunch of people I know and loved each and every one of their patients. Learning is a journey, not a race.
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User: Ann Made
Member since: 04-07-2001 Total posts: 67
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From: paroper
Date: 03-17-2006, 12:12 PM (29 of 29)
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When everything around you becomes unfamiliar, I'm sure the drive is to try SOMETHING that looks like home, even if you are already there. Toward the end of my dad's life, he started driving to church or to the grocery store with Mom and he would get lost on the way home. It was soooo scary to him not to mention that it hurt his pride. He would have Mom tell him where to go to get home. My Dad had lived within two miles of his home for his entire 83 year life (except for 2 1/2 years during WWII)! He had lived in his own home since 1937 and the road to the church was the same road he had taken to work every working day of his life for over 30 years. It was very hard. Fortunately, he died of an aneurism before his problems got worse. It is so hard to see them humiliated! pam
Bernina 200e, Artista V5 Designer Plus, Explorations, Magic Box, Bernina 2000DE & 335 Bernette Serger, Bernina 1530 Sewing Machine, Bernina 1300 DC Overlock (with coverstitch) |
User: paroper
Member since: 02-03-2004 Total posts: 3775 |
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