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The Sew What’s New Archive
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From: swartzrn
Date: 03-24-2006, 11:55 AM (1 of 14)
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After browsing through the topic about who works, stays home, retired, etc, I wanted to share what I heard from a speaker at a women's conference I attended this week. This lady was PHENOMENAL! She is an RN/BSN, Mother (soon to be grandmother,) writer, motivational speaker and personal motivational coach. The conference was geared towards military wives so it focused in part on our roles in that but basically it was about women in general. She had different hats lined up in front of her (our mommy hats, her nursing hat--GRRRRR, a couple of dressy hats, a BDU cap, etc) and then she had her "party hats." She had a "feel sorry for me" hat and a "martyr" hat. She talked about how we can sometimes get into our pity party hat mode which is OK b/c it's part of life or we can be the martyr and tell everyone what we've done to help something or some cause and try to make ourselves look better. I thought at first she was going to tell us that it was not good to put on the party hats and we should keep on our other hats at all times but it seemed that it was healthy to go through some of the party hat wearing as well b/c out of it comes "emotion promotion" as she called it. VERY INTERESTING! I did not feel like such a pogue for complaining that I was simply running out of time for everything it seemed I had to do (most of which I volunteered myself to do.) She also talked about self preservation of sorts and that often how we feel is based on what someone thinks of us or perceives us and we take ownership of making everyone else happy (husband, kids, etc.) Of course, we are responsible for our children and our families, don't get me wrong but she stressed that each person (adult basically) is responsible for his or her own happiness and happiness isn't based on someone else being happy WITH us. I have spent alot of time worrying about what other people thought. I have realized with time that it really doesn't matter what other people think of me. Granted, we like everyone to accept us but it doesn't make us who we are on the inside. For example--I got really ANGRY b/c someone I thought was a friend said something ugly about my husband simply b/c he wasn't deployed AT THE TIME and her husband was. It made me so mad and hurt that she would say that when she was supposed to be my friend. My husband laughed. I couldn't understand why he would laugh b/c it made me so angry. He said it was because what she thought about him and his career in the Army didn't matter at all to him. He said he knew what kind of soldier he was and her opinion of him wasn't worth a hill of beans. He's right! This woman the other day stressed basically that point and that amongst all of the hats women wear and all we do for alot of people, we are our worst critics. I have found alot of self assurance and confidence since I started sewing again. It's a nice feeling to start a project and finish it and be able to see the end result. She stressed hobbies such as that. Anyway, didn't mean to ramble. I just have felt so good since I heard that lady speak that I had to share it. I had actually thought when I got up that morning to go to that conference that I truly needed to be staying at home and doing housework, etc but I went anyway and I'm glad I did.. Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436 
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From: Dede
Date: 03-24-2006, 04:50 PM (2 of 14)
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I think we all go through ups and downs (ask me how I know). Reality checks hit us when we least expect it. I love the part where you mention "He said he knew what kind of soldier he was and her opinion of him wasn't worth a hill of beans." HURRAY!!!!. It takes a while to get there and some people get there before others. That's life. It is important in life to do what we like(love). Our whole life shines from it and it puts us in a better position to cope with these people who get a kick at pushing other people's buttons. Thanks for this post. It is most welcome in this household. |
User: Dede
Member since: 03-23-2001 Total posts: 469 |
From: MaryW
Date: 03-24-2006, 07:06 PM (3 of 14)
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Dede, I am so glad to see you post. I know how heart wrenching your job can be. It is a labor of love for sure. I WISH I had my Dad around to look after. He left us far to soon.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-24-2006, 10:30 PM (4 of 14)
 ......
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: ninifav
Date: 03-25-2006, 12:03 AM (5 of 14)
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I have been enjoying your posts; probably b/c I see a little of me in you about 20 or so years ago...Being an ex-RN, I recognize the compassion that you have for others...It can also get you in trouble if you let yourself "own" others' problems...even within immediate family members...And you are a military wife which means that you have to be very independent and self-sufficient when needed... We all care somewhat about what others think of us; but it is not until later that most of realize that most people don't care....I always thought that women should be born 40 yrs old b/c by then we don't give a rat's a*s what the world thinks of us....lol... By the way, my dd and sil were in Columbus for three yrs before getting out of the army...I found it very southern and charming...where will you be stationed next??? |
User: ninifav
Member since: 09-06-2004 Total posts: 204 |
From: bridesmom
Date: 03-25-2006, 01:47 AM (6 of 14)
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Good stuff Julie, thanks for sharing!! Keep that party hat on for a bit, celebrate who you are, and what a great job you are doing of being you!
Laura
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D |
User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004 Total posts: 2026 |
From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-25-2006, 01:57 AM (7 of 14)
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Alas....I gave all but one of my hats away...it's a Vietnamese gardening hat. (I'm not Vietnamese. I can't garden..why do I have it...my SISTER insisted I buy it, the last time I shopped with her...I'd kill her, but they might gave me an ugly prison hat...) 
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414
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From: Almajanesattic
Date: 03-25-2006, 09:04 AM (8 of 14)
Julie......Good for you that you have been able to come to realize those exact points at such an early age. Be sure to print that and hang it on your wall so you don't forget about that party hat while you are still in the midst of your life! Also, please give your hubby a hug from this American for the job he is doing. I know this  isn't a salute but it's the best I can do! And keep up the sewing......when it doesn't drive me nuts it actually keeps me sane...........Sharon |
User: Almajanesattic
Member since: 01-20-2006 Total posts: 42 
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From: swartzrn
Date: 03-25-2006, 12:31 PM (9 of 14)
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Thank you all for your sweet replies. I guess what I got out of all of that was that, like someone said, life is full of ups and downs. I haven't always handled my downs like I should (sometimes having the pity-party) and haven't always learned what I should from the downs (making the same mistakes again.) I have found that I tend to be less trusting than I should be--getting my feelings hurt quicker than I should and potentially losing friendships over getting my feelings hurt but I guess that's a learning experience too. Sometimes it's hard to walk in the other person's shoes when you haven't been there yourself--much less understanding how they feel (such as the case of my friend.) Unfortunately, in that situation, I reacted in a way I shouldn't have but...doesn't make me think less of her b/c I do think she is a good wife and mom and I DO NOT want to ever be in her shoes. Anyway, to all of you wearing any pity-party hats--keep them on until you feel like taking them off! Wear them with pride b/c we all deserve to wear them sometimes!! Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436
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From: swartzrn
Date: 03-25-2006, 12:45 PM (10 of 14)
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Just wanted to also say thank you for the kind words bout soldiers..they are all very special no matter rank, branch, job, etc. I have been very fortunate that my first experience as a military wife was here. He was in a good unit and there wasn't anybody in the unit that I didn't like. We saw alot of people come and go and I really liked every one of them and their families. Very good group! Made things alot nicer!thank you again!
Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436
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From: Magot
Date: 03-25-2006, 12:48 PM (11 of 14)
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Might look better at that than the lampshade Chrys.. Being an ex army brat I remember how you build a lot of self sufficiency into your life - moving so frequently it was hard to invest in long term friendships which wouldn't last. It has taken me many years to build some good solid long term friends and now I am likely to move again in the near future having spent 22+ years in one town I am having an epiphany in realising that just because I move doesn't mean that I lose my friends. There is a great freedom in being so uncaring of what other people think of you that you do what you want rather than what they think you should do. I own some very nice real hats - but my favorite is the close fitting fleece hat with many multicoloured fleece dreadlocks hanging from it. I wear this around town with pride - it is amazing how many smiles I get and although I may look stupid I feel better from all the goodwill coming my way. Sometimes our hats wear us, and sometimes we wear them! Remember who is in charge! love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: ninifav
Date: 03-25-2006, 09:11 PM (12 of 14)
| Okay Jan, how much would you charge to make me one like that??? Although we don't have too many cold days, can you imagine the fun I would have...Seems to me that I have a couple of grown kids that have payback comin' to them....Oh, my gawd, that would be so much fun...(see the note from Julie on not caring what the world thinks...lol...) |
User: ninifav
Member since: 09-06-2004 Total posts: 204 |
From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-25-2006, 10:07 PM (13 of 14)
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I usually wear my 'roll with the punches' hat....if you don't. Life will knock you down and you might not make it up again...
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414
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From: swartzrn
Date: 03-25-2006, 10:18 PM (14 of 14)
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"Roll with the punches hat"--I seem to wear that one alot lately!! LOL!! A friend of mine over on the other side of GA told me once that Southern ladies all had to wear ugly old hats and grow tomatoes. I always think about that when I see the Red Hat ladies around! Funny thing, my friend REALLY does own an ugly old hat (or three) and does grow tomatoes! I am giggling about the fleece hat and Vietnamese hat! I feel like I am about to topple over with some of the hats I've had on lately--let's see there are: The mommy hat--mom of a toddler and mom of a teenager Wife Hat-- Daughter hat--changes styles frequently as I age (you know, my mom isn't nearly as stupid as she used to be!!) Nurse hat--you know ALL moms are nurses (even if you don't have a degree in the profession) Church hat--self explanatory Friend hat--some of these hats have grown and I've put some of them away. Magot--building long lasting friendships is very hard. People come and go so often. I always heard that people come into your life "for a reason," "for a season," or "for a lifetime." Guess it's true, huh? Angry hat--trying not to wear this one as often but let's face it, it gets put on from time to time. "Roll with the punches hat"--good one, Chrys..I think I'll use that one!! It's a good "catch all" hat to wear. Then there is the pity party hat and "I don't care" hat. I always think about The Cat in the Hat b/c of the tall hat he wears!! Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436
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