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From: swartzrn
Date: 04-14-2006, 12:39 PM (1 of 20)
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I need to know your opinions on a discussion (argument)that is going on in my house right now. My oldest picked out 2 Easter dresses both of which are very pretty but they are also very strapless. She's 5'10" and really slim and they both look like a million bucks on her but I am not happy with the strapless part. She's 15. I have learned that everything I like, she doesn't. I try to let her pick out her own clothes and she always does very good. I have come to the conclusion that I want her to feel good about how she looks and if she feels good in something I might not have picked out for her then that's worth it. Of course, she's never asked to wear anything strapless to church. I have seen young girls wearing similar style dresses that are strapless and I know they are stylish but I just am having major heartburn over this. She went shopping with her girlfriends last weekend and the 2 dresses is what she brought back. The dresses are both retro (like 60's) prints and very cute. In fact, I think they remind me of the dress she wore last year except they are strapless. I have insisted that we shop some more tomorrow to find another dress but she's dead set against it. I don't mind so much the strapless dress but it was wearing the strapless dress to church that bothered me. But like I said the dresses I see some of the girls wearing now are strapless... Do I need to let up a bit? Maybe this sounds trivial but I guess it's hard watching your kids grow up. I reckon if I had her body though I would wear a strapless dress too LOL! The dresses are similar to the dress (http://groups.msn.com/SwartzFamilyPhotos/winterandspring2005.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=46) in this picture http://groups.msn.com/SwartzFamilyPhotos/winterandspring2005.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=46. It's from last year..this is her more recently in this picture (http://groups.msn.com/SwartzFamilyPhotos/spring2006.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=225). Thanks in advance..Julie Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436 
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From: bluebirdie
Date: 04-14-2006, 01:15 PM (2 of 20)
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Your daughter will look pretty in any dress. I don't have kids but I can see you are right to worry. I don't tell my sisters teenagers my standards. Instead, I tell them they'd look even better with something hip over that dress. Will a short/mini shrug (loose or tie-front) helps lessen your worry? Something like these: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EJGHC2/104-1978062-3435947?v=glance&n=1036592 http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EZGUQ4/qid=1145034340/sr=1-8/ref=sr_1_8/104-1978062-3435947?%5Fencoding=UTF8&s=apparel&v=glance&n=1036592 They're in fashion now so it's very hip wearing one. They also go well over a tshirt or camisole so she can wear it after Easter. - Robin
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User: bluebirdie
Member since: 03-12-2006 Total posts: 139 |
From: DorothyL
Date: 04-14-2006, 01:24 PM (3 of 20)
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If your daughter can't dress herself at 15 -- you really screwed the pooch!! But, at 15 sometimes they don't think about "appropriate attire." You might want to have a calm discussion about that. You might be able to convince her to wear something more appropriate for church if it means you are willing to foot the bill for another new dress and let her change into the other dress as soon as she gets home. But let her decide. Having raised two daughters and half-a-dozen of their friends, I'm telling you that from 15 on it's not a matter of you compromising with what they want. From here on out you will be lucky if they will compromise with what you want. Pick your battles with care -- and a strap on a dress isn't worth it. Be glad she doesn't want to wear pants with AVAILABLE Printed across the butt (I've seen them). My youngest made national news with an eyebrow ring -- so I know what I'm talking about. Rule # 2 In all things with teen-age girls -- it's going to cost you no matter what. Gotta love 'em. Just a thought (or two). Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: mommydionne
Date: 04-14-2006, 02:02 PM (4 of 20)
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What about some ribbon straps etc for church and them remove them later? I like the idea of a shrug or light cardigan too.
Jeanette
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User: mommydionne
Member since: 01-08-2004 Total posts: 838 
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From: Magot
Date: 04-14-2006, 02:37 PM (5 of 20)
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The little shrug things are very popular here too - but to be honest is it worth making the fuss over this? Think about it - she still wants to come to Church with you so that is a winner already! I think she will look stunning - if she feels comfortable with herself and the Almighty tells her she is fearfully and wonderfully made I can only assume the problem is what others might think. An arguement I have used with my girls is that it is unfair to young men to dress provocatively, and while such a dress may not be provocative in a normal context - in a church situation it is unusual enough to provide a distraction. Having said that, I wore a strapless black cocktail dress to church on Christmas morning! I did have a gauzy shawl.... not much help, Huh? love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: DorothyL
Date: 04-14-2006, 03:37 PM (6 of 20)
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I like Jeanette's idea about removable straps. Shrugs are cool too. Just don't fight with her -- it really ticks them off when you don't. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: beachgirl
Date: 04-14-2006, 03:52 PM (7 of 20)
| Well, I know it's a different situation but, women do wear strapless wedding gowns in church at times. Do you really think God or the people frown on that ? I do understand how you feel & I raised 3 daughters & one son. At times they can drive you up the wall. Believe me you'll both laugh about some of the stuff together. The rest will either be forgotten or they'll tell you how sorry they are that they drove you bananas. As someone said " pick your battles ". All kids want to be like their friends & one of the crowd plus are simply trying to find their own way & ideas. Remember they think we're old fashion & don't have a clue about "today." When they get a little older they are amazed at how smart we are. LOL. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughter. I did & do with mine, believe me it all works out somehow. I used to wish that each one of mine had come with directions as they all 4 reacted different. Even the twins. Enjoy. |
User: beachgirl
Member since: 08-31-2004 Total posts: 615 
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From: Sancin
Date: 04-14-2006, 04:27 PM (8 of 20)
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You are thinking about context but consider. Consider what church is all about, who it is about, who makes rules and why. God loves her. Period. Those in church who have raised children will understand completely what teenagers wear whenever. Those who haven't raised children will understand when their turn comes. I remember being pregnant and living near a primary school. I was shocked at the number of little girls (all) wearing pants to school as I think little girls look cute in dresses in spite of being one of the original femininsts. Then I had a daughter and found out. *~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895 
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From: SummersEchos
Date: 04-14-2006, 06:34 PM (9 of 20)
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Here is what I guess I just don't get. She is baring her shoulders, and putting two straps on the dress, she is still baring her shoulders. What difference would it make to have these straps? I think a light cover up like a caplet, shawl, short sweater, whatever the kids today would wear, might make you feel better. Maybe she would go for that for church. If not then let her wear her dress, is it all that inapproiate? I know some churchs tell the women they must cover their shoulders, is this the case at yours? I agree pick your battles. She is only 15, the battles will get harder.
Summer
FREE FALLIN |
User: SummersEchos
Member since: 09-29-2004 Total posts: 884 |
From: Kaitlinnegan
Date: 04-14-2006, 07:38 PM (10 of 20)
What a beautiful daughter! I don't think you're being to harsh in wanting her to cover up a bit more for church. A 26 year old bride wearing a strapless dress for her church wedding is a bit different than a 15 year old wearing a strapless dress to church on Easter, in my opinion. Although I definitely agree that a 15 year old should be able to pick out her own clothes, I think 15 year olds are still developing that sense of what is socially acceptable. In some ways they just need to find their own way, but in this case I think she needs a bit of guidance from mom, whether she realizes it or not. Would she be allowed to wear a tube top to school? I went to public school (only 5 years ago), and they still had a dress code forbidding that. Anyway, a little shrug or light cardigan would probably look very nice, and if she wanted to wear the dress to a party later on, let her go without the cover up. I think that's a reasonable compromise.  By the way, I'm 22 years old -- I don't get to church that often, but when I do it's a very informal, liberal student service. I wouldn't even dream of wearing something strapless or low cut to that! I know God wouldn't care, but it just doesn't seem like the right place to wear that sort of thing. I do wear jeans though. 
http://www.sew-whats-up.com - the new home for Sew What's New
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User: Kaitlinnegan
Member since: 03-20-2006 Total posts: 222 
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From: swartzrn
Date: 04-14-2006, 09:17 PM (11 of 20)
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I guess I had mixed feelings about the dress for several different reasons. It almost seems like I have blinked my eyes and she's almost grown and a strapless dress just confirms the fact that this has happened..it's been harder over the past few months for me for some reason. I'm ashamed to admit that there is a part of me as well that doesn't think a strapless dress is appropriate for a 15 yr old at church but I am proud that she is so excited to go to church. Shes not perfect by any means but she's a good girl and for that I am proud. I haven't put up much a fight about it and believe me I have suggested adding ribbon straps to the dress, searching for a little sweater or something to go over her shoulders but she is insistant on wearing the strapless dress. She usually gets chilly during church so I was worried about that as well and tried to approach it from that point of view but she wouldn't budge. It could be worse I suppose. Thank you for the compliments on her also. It makes a mom proud! Our church is a Baptist church and is a Southern Baptist so we don't have rules about women not being able to wear pants and bear shoulders. We still have some of the little old ladies who still wear their hats to church every Sunday (I love seeing them with their hats on.) I remember well when ladies first started wearing pants to church and it's very common now to see slacks worn. My dad would've never went to church without a tie and coat and now the gentlemen don't always wear ties and coats..especially the younger men. Anyway, I am gonna have to suck it up and not fight this one..It's not worth it. I guess if she gets there and freezes she'll not wear the strapless dress without something on her shoulders again. I just hope that there are other young girls with similar dresses on and she won't feel uncomfortable once she gets there. Thank ladies for all of your advice..geez, I still wish I could pick and choose everything like I do my little one! Makes things ALOT easier. Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 04-14-2006, 09:20 PM (12 of 20)
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I think she looks like a million bucks...I wouldn't stress over clothes...threre are bigger things to worry about than bare shoulders in church. (when I was younger...we were never allowed to go into church without something on our heads. Hats, scarves, whatever...we could wear what we wanted, but no bare heads.) Kath Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: esrun3
Date: 04-14-2006, 10:36 PM (13 of 20)
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Your daughter is a beautiful young lady and as a mother who has been there, that may be part of the problem. They grow up so quickly that you blink and they are no longer little girls. I wouldn't stress over the dress. Suggest a sweater on the way out the door in case she gets cold but if she chooses not to, then let it go. She's going to church and is a good girl as you say so let her exercise some independence and wear what she wants. hang in there....I've often said kids should be hidden away at 13 and rejoin the world at 25-takes care of the all the problem years pretty well! LOL
Lyn
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User: esrun3
Member since: 12-02-2004 Total posts: 2345 |
From: swartzrn
Date: 04-15-2006, 09:13 AM (14 of 20)
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Lyn-I imagine my mom would've probably agreed with your take on what to do with teenagers!!
Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436
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From: Ronda Sews
Date: 04-16-2006, 10:27 AM (15 of 20)
Of course you are wrong! You are the mother of a teenage girl! LOL  You'll be right again after she has her own teenage daughter!  I've got one, too, so I can relate. It looks like her hair should cover up the shoulder area quite well. Just tell yourself it could be worse--- she could need to wear a maternity dress to church!  That's what I try to do when my 15 yo daughter stresses me out over different things.Breathe, mom. She'll be all grown up before you know and you'll still worry and disagree about lots of things.  Of course- until she has her own daughter to disagree with. Ronda Bernina Aurora 440QE
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User: Ronda Sews
Member since: 04-07-2006 Total posts: 25 |
From: bluebirdie
Date: 04-16-2006, 01:40 PM (16 of 20)
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Sorry mom. Not a sweather. Sweathers are uncool. A mini shrug please. And it should be no longer than the rib or midriff. Sorry I can't help it
- Robin
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User: bluebirdie
Member since: 03-12-2006 Total posts: 139 |
From: Sancin
Date: 04-16-2006, 05:39 PM (17 of 20)
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Ronda's message reminds me of a story, especially as it is Easter Sunday. I have a friend who is a strict Anglican and while now really concerned about what other people think, wasn't when we were younger. M seems to have become more aware of other's reactions as she has aged. We (old uni roommates) were at lunch one day when she told of her daughter's boyfriend (or rather a boy who was a friend) who was staying with them for the Easter weekend and volunteered to go to church with them in the tiny little church close to where they live. I am not entirely clear on the ritual they went through but it seems the family was kneeling at the front of the church and my friend looked over to see the young man in sandals and absolutely filthy socks with holes in them. She was horrified as she suddenly thought he was so poor he had only one pair of socks and worried all through the service how she should address this. As she has 3 daughters L and I, who have sons, tried to convice her that it tended to be a male mentality not to worry about such things. She went on about the dirty socks all through lunch which made the L and I crack right up as we used to cringe whenever we went to a sombre event with M. when we were younger as we never knew what she would say! 
*~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895
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From: swartzrn
Date: 04-16-2006, 08:27 PM (18 of 20)
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You know, Ronda, I think about that sometimes when she frustrates me to no end..it could always be worse. You're right--my mom was stupid until I grew up (amazing how mom's get smarter as you get older, huh?) Anyway, the dress ended up being OK. I'll post pictures on my website later on when I get some energy to go download them. She said she didn't get too chilly so that was good. I wasn't ever brave enough to wear a strapless dress (and still am not!!) I guess I should be happy she feels good enough about how she looks to wear that. Last year I was worried to death b/c she was saying she thought she was too fat and I was worried she had an eating disorder. Of course, she didn't and I was overreacting. Now I worry about something else. I guess I'm just a worrier..I bet I drive her nuts! Julie
"To see the future, look into a child's eyes." |
User: swartzrn
Member since: 02-17-2006 Total posts: 436
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From: sweetpea1
Date: 04-17-2006, 01:09 PM (19 of 20)
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Julie, I share your concern about the dress your beautiful daughter choose for the Easter service and, I agree that you must choose your battles wisely. Raising children in a Christian home in this day and age is no easy task. I know that Easter was yesterday and I hope all went well with the dress, but I'd like to weigh in on this topic. I don't have any daughters -- 3 wonderful sons (23, 20, 14). Believe me, as the mother of 3 young men, they do not need any more distractions in this world -- let alone beautiful Christian young ladies showing more than may be appropriate. Our church does not have a dress code per se, but I think growth in our faith and God's word matures us to the point of realizing what is appropriate and what is not. Remind her what God's word says in a loving and gentle way instructing her as you are commanded: I Timothy 5:1-2 - Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. I Timothy 2:9-10 - I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. I Peter 3:3-5 - Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. Proverbs 31:30 - Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. However, sometimes God uses examples that are somewhat stronger and direct: Proverbs 11:22 - Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. And as for you, remember that God's word instructs you to teach your children with all diligence and not provoke them to wrath. Be gentle and kind, and instruct your daughter in a loving manner with the support of God's word. If her desires continue in a manner that does not seem right, love her anyway and continue to instruct her in righteousness. High goals and difficult tasks to be sure. There will be failures and triumphants, but you will have been obedient unto God's word which is your reasonable service. Above all, continue to set the example. Your daughter will never forget it. And finally remember, Proverbs 22:5-6 - In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares, but he who guards his soul stays far from them. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. The jacket or shawl would have been a nice compromise for the church services, but its not worth losing your daughter over. Lover her and continue to be a Godly example. May the Lord give you strenth as you train your children to by righteous and Godly before Him. Sweetpea |
User: sweetpea1
Member since: 10-10-2005 Total posts: 56 |
From: DorothyL
Date: 04-17-2006, 03:39 PM (20 of 20)
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Isn't there some where more appropriate for this. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
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