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From: Bama
Date: 12-11-2006, 08:13 PM (1 of 30)
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I have been shopping 3 times trying to find a gift for my MIL. This happens every year. She does not need or want anything. She always says so. She is kind of a Scrooge when it comes to Christmas too. She hasn't had a Christmas tree since the 80's when my husband sneaked one in and decorated it. She didn't act pleased. I don't think she would be happy if we donated money to a charity in her name or anything like that. Of course DH still feels he needs to get gifts for his parents, BUT he leaves it up to me to pick out something for his mother. She wouldn't use a gift card. She rarely goes anywhere except to the doctor. She doesn't need money. I've rarely seen her wear anything that I picked out for her. She's "saving" the gowns and robe I bought her for Mother's Day in case she goes into the hospital.  She complained a few years ago that it was hard for her to hold her hand mixer so we got her a stand mixer. It's still in the box. Last year she complained that she could no longer open jars and had to wait each time until my FIL came into the house to open things for her. I got her an electric jar opener. Still in the box. I told hubby tonight he would have to think of something, I give up. He said she needed something to occupy her time. She does word search puzzles all the time, but I don't want to get her those. She has dozens already. Can anyone think of anything that might please a woman like this? If I do leave it up to hubby, he'll wait until Christmas Eve to go. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116 
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 12-11-2006, 09:04 PM (2 of 30)
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(I'd say give her a dose of her own medicine, but thats nasty .) Does she eat ??? www.harryanddavid.com www.wolfermans.com www.williamssonoma.com does she like jigsaw puzzles ??? (get one where all the shapes are the same and the picture impossible... )Barnes and Noble have these cute little boxes full of 'things', Zen Garden, Voo Doo, Hexes, Puzzles, plants, they're all weird little things... Maybe a DVD of some show she likes...(yes I read, she doesn't like anything...). Coffeetable book of something she might enjoy. (dragons, monsters, etc... )How about a nice copy of Dracula. (since she sounds like she sucks the life out of everything... )Kath (the ornery....) Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: icetbear
Date: 12-11-2006, 09:45 PM (3 of 30)
Your time and effort spent in trying to find a gift for her. She loves the attention  I spent years in the same situation. I finally tried a handmade card and sewed a blouse in her favourite colour for Christmas.The response? The card is cute - did my granddaughter - age 2 - make it? The blouse ended up in the Goodwill bag in January. My response? I'm done lady. For the next 25 years, her son bought her a bouquet of flowers.I learned a valuable lesson though, it is indeed the thought that counts. Good luck Take care.NanaBear from the north 
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User: icetbear
Member since: 09-04-2004 Total posts: 66 |
From: Bama
Date: 12-11-2006, 10:21 PM (4 of 30)
Thanks Chrys. I hadn't thought about looking at the bookstore for anything other than books. She says she can't see well enough anymore to read for long periods of time so I didn't think of trying there. She might actually like a Zen garden.  You made me remember one Christmas when someone got her a Chia pet. She loved it. Maybe I'll go the gift basket route again this year and fill it with weird things like that.  Nanabear, Was your MIL always like that? Mine seems to be getting worse the older she gets. She's getting very blunt and hurts people's feelings all the time now. She'll say she doesn't mean to sometimes and sometimes she just doesn't care. Depending on whose feelings she's hurt. She seems to love me, but can't stand another one of her DILs. She was not like this years ago. It's funny, when I first met her she complained about HER MIL who lived next door to them then. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Bama
Date: 12-11-2006, 10:32 PM (5 of 30)
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My daughter and I went shopping Saturday and I splurged and had us both professionally fitted for new bras. Never done that before. Well, I've never been blessed with much up top, but I'm not flat either. I stopped to check on my in-laws when we got home and she asked what we had bought. I told her about going to the bra store and being fitted. She said, well what size did you get? (I had been wearing 38 Bs and measured a 36 C) I told her and she said, "You? A 36 C? I AM a 36C." (She has large breasts.) When we got into the car my daughter said, "She's just been trying to stuff her old double d's into the C cups." I got a laugh out of it.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 12-11-2006, 11:31 PM (6 of 30)
LMAO !!! maybe you should buy her a new bra ??? and some of that lovely old lady underwear we all love... 
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414
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From: PaulineG
Date: 12-12-2006, 06:17 AM (7 of 30)
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If she likes word puzzles why not get her a Sudoko book (number puzzle) or an electronic thesaurus to use solving the puzzles she already has. Or a really nice pen to do her puzzles. Or a magnifying book stand thingy to put the puzzle books under. Or a table that you can pull right up to a lounge chair and adjust the height on (I've only seen them in mail order catalogs). They have a cantilever frame so the legs don't get in the way of access. A lovely large framed photo of her grandchildren (she can't say anything bad about that - I hope). Audio books if she can't read for any length of time. Or if it doesn't matter what you get her because she'll hate/not use it - just get her something really hideous. This will be especially fun if she is compelled to be polite and tell you how much she likes it. Good luck. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: SheliaHC
Date: 12-12-2006, 07:37 AM (8 of 30)
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Hey Bama I think we have the same MIL. I've been trying for 23 years to give mine something she would like and I haven't figured out what that is yet. And to make it worse her birthday is Christmas day so we have to buy 2 things. If you find something that works let me know and maybe I'll try it next year. Shelia |
User: SheliaHC
Member since: 12-28-2005 Total posts: 95 |
From: dmoses
Date: 12-12-2006, 07:53 AM (9 of 30)
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Hi Bama, I find it hard to shop for in-laws as well. It is one of my big stresses at this time of year. One thing that I would suggest, not as a gift, but as an idea to get her to start using those nice appliances, is to get your husband to go there and set them up for her. She may grumble about it, but once they are set up, and she sees how easy and convenient they are to use, she will probably enjoy having them. Take care,
Donna |
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002 Total posts: 964 
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From: DorothyL
Date: 12-12-2006, 08:15 AM (10 of 30)
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Wow, I guess I was just very lucky. I had the nicest mother-in-law and at Xmas she was in her glory. It didn't matter what you got for her it was wonderful. For your mother-in-law I like the idea of framed photos of the grandchildren. For my mother-in-law's last Xmas my sister-in-law took all her old photos and had them put on DVD slide shows. So we all had to spend Xmas looking at them and hear the old stories (for the 1,000th time) but it was worth it to see her so happy. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: SheliaHC
Date: 12-12-2006, 08:53 AM (11 of 30)
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We've tried the photo thing but she didn't like that either because she doesn't want pics of the step-grandchildren. We've tried everything. One year we bought paint and told her we would paint her kitchen and living room but she didn't like that either. She told us she would rather hire someone to paint. So I can definitely sympathize with Bama. My husband always buys her something and I don't worry about it anymore because I know she won't like it. Shelia |
User: SheliaHC
Member since: 12-28-2005 Total posts: 95 |
From: Reta J
Date: 12-12-2006, 09:23 AM (12 of 30)
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I am not sure if this will help, but, maybe she just wants the attention so give her some. Make an appointment for both of you at a full service hair dressers, do a manicure, pedicure and hair, or whatever services you can afford. Then tell her you are picking her up on a certain day at the certain time and take her. You get pampered and so does she. Tell her Merry Christmas, this is your present! Just spend the day with her, do lunch before or after. Listen when she talks at beauty shop, because most older women open up at hair dressers to the one doing their hair then they do to any other person. You will find out a lot. lol Hope this helps Sewing Forever
Housework Whenever Reta J |
User: Reta J
Member since: 01-30-2002 Total posts: 136 
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From: DorothyL
Date: 12-12-2006, 05:17 PM (13 of 30)
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I don't think spending the day with a cranky old lady sounds like pampering. Just get her something she will hate and fagetaboutit. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: Patty22
Date: 12-12-2006, 06:39 PM (14 of 30)
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Bama, Your daughter is a hoot......between comments about gma's boobs and Jimmie Hendrix, this child is mature beyond her youthful years! Before my MIL developed dementia we would give her a basket filled with greeting cards (birthdays, thank yous, etc.), stationery and decorative postage stamps. She enjoyed having these on hand and looked forward to her new supply each year. Does anyone see the pattern here? Happy people are appreciative of any gift they receive and those people that choose not to be happy, also choose to make gift giving a chore. Or is it, you only hurt the ones you love? Patty
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User: Patty22
Member since: 03-29-2006 Total posts: 1194 |
From: Mom of Six
Date: 12-12-2006, 06:46 PM (15 of 30)
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I am giving my MIL vintage jewelery. It belonged to my Aunt but really has no meaning for me. My MIL collects everything but jewelry is her favorite. If I buy her something new it will sit in the box & be put away for someday. We usually just give them both a gift certificate. Check with their utility company. one year we got them certificates that they put in with their gas bill to pay it or if you can get their acct. # you can pay direct.
Barb
Happiness is having time to sew!! |
User: Mom of Six
Member since: 11-03-2001 Total posts: 1115 
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From: Sancin
Date: 12-12-2006, 06:54 PM (16 of 30)
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Bama - I could be like your MIL, maybe. While I love receiving gifts, I am getting to the stage where I don't want anymore STUFF in my house - I buy enough of my own. If she didn't like the clothing you bought her she probably wouldn't like the pampering - it's a money and age thing - like taking a taxi. In the past few years I have been going the food route. She can either eat it herself or donate it to a food bank, but at least it is gone. Our local seniors columnist had a list of good gifts for seniors and I would put it here except my scanner is not working and ..... I seem to have misplaced it. It contained things like services - in my case I would like a year's supply of LifeLine service. How about a cleaning service or taxi vouchers? Pool punch cards. It also suggested promises to do something during the year. Don't get her anything too complicated as she probably can't problem solve how to use new things and doesn't want to admit it. Your husband, you or the children should do the something new with her a few times till she knows how it works. Would she eat the meals if you ordered a restaurant to deliver meals x times a year? Bama, as your mother recognizes she is a little crotchety and it sounds as if she has changed, she is probably depressed. Could you think of a story she could tell her physician (whom she appears to visit frequently) to get herself on antidepressants? She may not want to admit it so it would have to be something she heard about related to whatever is wrong with her.... like waking up not rested or jittery, ...... Perhaps your husband could talk to her doctor. Where I live, physicians seem to like to put everyone on antidepressants. I often wonder if it to cut down on boring office visits. Or she may be on a medication that is causing her to be so irritable. I had a mother in law from Hell. Gifts were only one of the problems. I like to shop at Christmas for things I think the other person would like as I would like. If she didn't like it, tough. I didn't want to hear anymore about it. Perhaps permission to regift would be in order. Good Luck - if something works, let us know! *~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895 
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From: Bama
Date: 12-12-2006, 06:58 PM (17 of 30)
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Thank you thank you thank you everyone for all the ideas!! I think I'll look for a small table or lap desk for her to work her puzzles on. And a Zen garden. And a tacky Chia pet! Keep the ideas coming! And yes Patty, my daughter is a hoot! She keeps me in stitches. You should hear her impressions. She's so good at Molly Shannon, I told her she should be on Saturday Night Live. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Bama
Date: 12-12-2006, 07:04 PM (18 of 30)
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Nancy, My MIL started changing around 8 years ago after she had a mild stroke. She was alot friendlier then. She's been on meds for a while now. I don't know what kind. She only allows her youngest son to take her to that doctor now. I occasionally take her for things like mammograms. She also had arthritus. I guess she gets tired of not being able to do the things she used to do. She has been very good to me since I've been in their family, but she gets on my last nerve sometimes now. Especially when she's just mean to my SIL. She has no reason to dislike her the way she does. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: esrun3
Date: 12-12-2006, 09:44 PM (19 of 30)
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If she likes to read but "can't anymore" how about a book on tape or cd? She sounds like my mother was. Doesn't want/need anything, doesnt' like anything, everything either isn't used or is given away, etc etc. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Or, just send her a nice bouquet of flowers or a plant and be over it-you shouldn't have to stress over this every year.
Lyn
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User: esrun3
Member since: 12-02-2004 Total posts: 2345 |
From: Sancin
Date: 12-13-2006, 01:20 AM (20 of 30)
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Bama - if she had a stroke, even a mild one she could have some symptoms that affect how she perceives her world. Arthritis causes chronic pain, which I can attest is not pleasant. It must be a very frustrating and unfulfilling life for her. The stroke may preclude her being on anti depressants, but it is worth talking to the other brother just to see something can help. Is it his wife that you MIL doesn't like? One thing a cousin of mine found her father liked was an etch and sketch, which, once he got over that it was a children's toy, he really enjoyed - it did take some encouragement however. A zen garden is a little like that. Some of those executive desk toys could be fun as well. I don't know the name but those balls on wires that hit each other and move through the air are facinating. Think of her entertainment and not the money a gift costs, something that is hard to do when we are trying to please someone. After I divorced I encouraged my children to stay in touch with their paternal grandmother as I thought I would be heart broken with a broken tie with a grandchild. My daughter phoned her grandmother, who was visiting her father, one night after a lot of encouragement from me and was told to never call again at dinner time. Another time when my then 16 year old daughter was working at a fast food place her grandmother dropped in and the only thing she said to my daughter was "My God you have got fat!" My perceptive son always said he never liked her and never would so refused to contact her. She died a very unpleasant lonely death, something I would not wish on anyone. I often said the best thing about my divorce was I never had to have anything to do with her again!
*~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895
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From: DorothyL
Date: 12-13-2006, 07:28 AM (21 of 30)
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What a great idea Barb. Everybody can use a payment on the gas bill!! Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: Mom of Six
Date: 12-13-2006, 02:46 PM (22 of 30)
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Thanks Dorothy. That year the kids pitched in on the gas bill & the Grandkids bought grocery or gas station certificates. It really helped get them through the winter.
Barb
Happiness is having time to sew!! |
User: Mom of Six
Member since: 11-03-2001 Total posts: 1115
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From: Bama
Date: 12-13-2006, 09:51 PM (23 of 30)
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Nancy, No, the son she favors never married. I think that has alot to do with why she trusts him more. It's hard for us to talk with him. He knows everything.  He pets her and allows her to sit in the house and do nothing while the other siblings try to get her to go walking, shopping, out to eat, or anything just to get her out. She prefers the babying.The DIL she dislikes so much already had 3 children when she married DH's brother. After trying for years, she was never able to have a child with my BIL. I think my MIL resents her for that even tho my BIL raised her children as his own. Funny you mentioned your ex MIL tell your daughter she was fat. My MIL always makes comments like that to people. She told me once that I sure had gained alot of weight. I said, "Really? Thanks for telling me. I hadn't noticed." Of course when I lost 25 pounds last summer, she told me I needed to stop. I was thin enough. You have all given me some great ideas! I'll keep them in mind as my own parents age. A trip to a salon or manicurist would be something my mother would like. I've been doing my MIL's hair for over 20 years. She would never go to anyone else. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: SummersEchos
Date: 12-13-2006, 10:21 PM (24 of 30)
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One year for Mother's Day I took my mom to a nail salon to get her nails wrapped. She had always liked my nails and wanted to have nice nails herself. She went every other week for years afterward to have them touched up. When she went deeper into Alzhemiers, I stopped the nail wraps and just took care of her nails myself. She still has nice looking nails but she doesn't know it.
Summer
FREE FALLIN |
User: SummersEchos
Member since: 09-29-2004 Total posts: 884 |
From: Chrysantha
Date: 12-14-2006, 12:33 AM (25 of 30)
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[[[ Summer ]]] My mother-in-law has never said anything bad about ANY of 'us' in-laws. (three women and 1 man). (I know my father-in-law likes ME best, but thats because he's like me and I talk to him e-mail all the time...I also don't treat my husbands parents like they don't exist (like my oldest sister-in-law who can't be bothered to visit, even though her husband is the oldest, their kids are grown and gone and they only live 45 min away.) My husband has only had my sister as an in-law (and she won't visit me, because she doesn't like him...so I visit her.) So all in all, my in-law situation isn't quite like anyones... (thank heavens...but I do wish one thing....that my husband and his family knew the words, THANK YOU. None of them say it...it's weird...I was brought up with manners...please and thank you are always said, for everything thats done for you by everyone.) BTW ya'll...thank you !!!
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414
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From: Sancin
Date: 12-14-2006, 12:39 AM (26 of 30)
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Bama Your brother in law is not unusual in respect to his mother. When I was a student nurse doing community care visits many years ago I was visibly struck by family members who 'felt sorry for' or wanted to protect one of their own elderly or ill when carrying for them at home. One thing I had to then and had to over the years - and for that matter, have to tell myself - moving helps the blood to move and keeps people alive and well. If it doesn't move through insured tissue it doesn't get oxygen and cells to heal, if it doesn't get to the brain, the brain cells stop working. So the old adage that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind is true sometimes. Unfortunately it is difficult to tell this to family members. It doesn't hurt to try. The other side of the spectrum is those family members who are caring for the dying. They often want to get the dying family member up and eating more when nature will take it's course regardless and often the dying person doesn't appear to have any way to escape or have peace. Lecture over!!! Peace and happiness to all. 
*~*~*~* Nancy*~*~*~* " I try to take one day at a time - but sometimes several days attack me at once."
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User: Sancin
Member since: 02-13-2005 Total posts: 895
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From: PaulineG
Date: 12-14-2006, 02:49 AM (27 of 30)
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Movement and mobility are definitely the way to go if possible. My 74 yo neighbour joined the gym at the age of 68. At the time he was nearly crippled by arthritis and the doctor suggested it might help. He has since had to have knee replacements (because of arthritis not gym) but has recovered quickly and still gets up on his own roof (when his wife is out) to clean his own gutters. I've seen at my work (WW) a lot of women who feel unable to move from the pain of arthritis but if they start slowly they can achieve an amazing amount - I have a member who is about 67 or so who has lost 30 kilos (more than 80 pounds) and started walking for 5 minutes a day. She now walks 45 minutes and has reduced her pain to very little and her medication to zero. So it's true what they say. Use it or lose it. Unfortunately beginning the exercise regime is overwhelming to somebody in pain and the results take a while to notice so a lot of people don't/can't press through to get the results. However they are there for those determined enough. Ultimately Bama - you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink (do you guys have that expression). If your MIL doesn't want to get out of her comfort zone then she is a big girl and will live with the consequences. It might be that the pampering she gets from her son is the only way she understands somebody expressing that they care. Best of luck with whatever you get her - you know how much thought and love have gone into it. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: bridesmom
Date: 12-15-2006, 11:22 PM (28 of 30)
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For those really hard to buy for people, especially the ones that want to return what you bought, or never use it, we donate the money we would have spent on the present to a worthy cause in their name. And there is somewhere that you can purchase a cow or a donkey for a third world family as well. My thought is you may as well put the money somewhere that someone will really appreciate it.
Laura
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D |
User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004 Total posts: 2026 |
From: DorothyL
Date: 12-16-2006, 10:13 AM (29 of 30)
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We found this site when looking for Xmas gifts for our girls. One size may not fit all, but there are plenty to choose from. http://www.charitywatch.org/ratingguide.html Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: Domestic Goddes
Date: 12-18-2006, 07:42 PM (30 of 30)
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My maternal Grandma has always been difficult to please, according to my late Ma and her sisters. They would spend all year searching for the next Christmas and birthday present. Early this summer I bought her an orchid - they're all the rage over here at the moment. Beautiful, long-lasting flowers, easy to care for. Was in two minds about whether she'd like it or not. Something to look after, colour would be wrong....... She LOVED it! After 7 weeks the flowers finally died. She was elated when telling me a new shoot had developed, and now each week tells me how many flowers are on it. Amazing. Such a simple thing - and when I think of the small fortune I've spent on expensive porcelain and other trinkets...........AAARRRGGGHHHH! |
User: Domestic Goddes
Member since: 01-04-2005 Total posts: 108 |
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