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From: lendube
Date: 01-17-2007, 01:58 PM (1 of 32)
Oh, get your mind out of the gutter!  No naked bodies in this post! Okay, I just picked up my mail and am invited to a bridal shower for a niece of my husband's. It's a beautiful engraved invitation for the party. At the bottom it says "Patio Dining" and "Money Tree". My question; Can I just give money for the "Tree" or do I bring both a gift and money or can I bring just a gift? Not quite sure.  thx, Lennie |
User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: dmoses
Date: 01-17-2007, 02:43 PM (2 of 32)
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My guess is that it is a 'greenback' shower...money in lieu of traditional shower gifts.
Take care,
Donna |
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002 Total posts: 964 
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From: lsoutherla
Date: 01-17-2007, 04:10 PM (3 of 32)
| I don't like being told to give money. So, I'd pretty much do whatever I wanted. I.e., give a gift. |
User: lsoutherla
Member since: 05-04-2006 Total posts: 72 |
From: Chrysantha
Date: 01-17-2007, 04:24 PM (4 of 32)
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I think it's in poor taste to ask for money too...but more and more people are doing it...I'd give a gift too and ta heck with the money...let them spend their own, not yours.
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: Kaitlinnegan
Date: 01-17-2007, 04:30 PM (5 of 32)
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Ahh...showers. I say do whatever you want. I feel like when I've seen "money trees" they are usually for small bills, but this might be something different. If you'd like you could bring a gift and $10 for the money tree or something like that. Seems a little tacky to me, but it's probably not too uncommon. They've done the dollar dance at a couple weddings I've been to. I didn't want to have a shower for my wedding, but my mom and sister insisted. I had wanted to just make it a luncheon or something that would not imply gifts, but that did not fly with my mom and sister. So I said I wanted to have a recipe shower, which traditionally means the recipe is the gift, but I wanted them to put something on the invitations to the effect of "the recipe is your gift," since everyone would mostly likely be getting us wedding presents anyway. We have a lot of friends who are either still in school or just out of school, so we didn't want them to feel like they had to get us another present. Well, they hemmed and hawed and ended up leaving that little detail out of the invites. So, everyone brought a gift of some kind. I guess I can't really complain...but for me the point was to spend time with people, not to get gifts! http://www.sew-whats-up.com - the new home for Sew What's New
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User: Kaitlinnegan
Member since: 03-20-2006 Total posts: 222 
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From: Patty22
Date: 01-17-2007, 04:53 PM (6 of 32)
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Lennie... If they want the tree to be green......bring a bucket and water it.  Not being a fan of being told what to do, especially when giving a gift, I would just put some money in an envelope and forget the gift. Kaitlinnegan..you are such a sweet soul; you are going to make a wonderful, compassionate doctor. Patty
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User: Patty22
Member since: 03-29-2006 Total posts: 1194 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 01-17-2007, 05:02 PM (7 of 32)
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Worst case scenario Lennie - what can they do if you come with a gift instead of money - it's not like you'll be told off in front of the other guests. To me the concept of being asked for money (and even vouchers sometimes) instead of a gift sort of implies that my taste is so suspect I can't be trusted to buy one. I have a SIL like this - I haven't been allowed (and I'm not alone - nobody else has either) to buy a gift for in over 5 years. She also goes out several weeks before her fiances birthday or Christmas and buys him something and then informs everyone else how much they owe her. To me gift shopping and giving is a way of showing somebody that you have thought about them, their likes and dislikes, needs, taste etc. Sometimes it's not easy or possible but there is a lot of joy when you hit the jackpot. Maybe you could do both - make something small for her/them that you could also use as a delivery method for a small gift of money (a birthday type example might be a purse - I can't think of anything suitable for a shower gift). In the end it won't matter too much anyway - think about how you'd feel in her shoes - you might have a preference gift wise but it's not exactly life altering if somebody brings you one or the other. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: AndreaSews
Date: 01-17-2007, 07:16 PM (8 of 32)
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Hmm...I've been to many showers that say "Wishing Well" on the invitation, and that means yes, bring a wrapped gift, but also a small unwrapped gift, often a kitchen gadget, to toss into the wishing well. (The WW is usually some kind of laundry basket or bassinette, depending on the occasion). I had the idea that the money tree would be the same kind of thing. And YES, it is always optional. The RSVP is a great opportunity to clarify the intentions of the hostess, but as a guest you can do as you please.
Andrea
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User: AndreaSews
Member since: 02-18-2005 Total posts: 1007 
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From: esrun3
Date: 01-17-2007, 09:13 PM (9 of 32)
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I work with a girl who, on the wedding invitation (not the shower!) said they were having a wishing well and would prefer money. How tacky is that? I hate people asking for money-if it were me, I'd bring a gift just cuz they asked for the money!! Lyn
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User: esrun3
Member since: 12-02-2004 Total posts: 2345 |
From: lendube
Date: 01-17-2007, 09:23 PM (10 of 32)
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Thanks, everyone! Yes, I think it's extremely tacky myself and would never suggest money or worse yet, just expect it were I having a shower. I'm afraid I'll look like I didn't understand if I just bring a gift. I like Pauline's idea of making something to put some money into. I would have to think on that. I think what I'll do is just ask. A sil is hosting it along with the wedding party it says. I'll call this sil (not the bride's mom) and just ask her. The RSVP is someone I don't know. I'll let you guys know if it is just a begging fest and thanks. Lennie |
User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: lendube
Date: 01-23-2007, 02:43 PM (11 of 32)
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Okay, mystery solved. I called my sil this morning since the shower is this Sat. I said to excuse my being so naive but I didn't understand the money tree business. She said that I was the smart one ! No one else knows either, she said, but no one else has called.  There had been a misunderstanding between her and the co-hostess, the maid of honor. Mention of the money tree wasn't supposed to be on the invitation at all. She said that since the shower is at her house she was just going to put up a discreet little tree and let people put dollars on it if they wanted. I still think it's tacky but it's not as bad as I had imagined. Now, I still have to come up with a gift. Lennie |
User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: jwright
Date: 01-23-2007, 05:25 PM (12 of 32)
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Still though--the hostess put it on there for a reason... I'll be getting married for the second time soon and I think that the hostess of the shower put it there for two reasons. "Patio Dining" so that you would dress to be outside or bring a jacket if need be. "Money Tree" to let you know that IF you wanted, you could put $$ on the tree and let that be your gift. Then you would not need to shop for one, you could just put $$ on the tree. (In case you had no time to shop, then you would not feel bad.) I would think still that the hostess meant for it to be an either/or type thing. That would mean bring $$ or a gift, not both. |
User: jwright
Member since: 12-28-2006 Total posts: 96 
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From: pretnichols
Date: 01-23-2007, 10:32 PM (13 of 32)
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Boy, am I naive. I understood the money tree, but thought the theme of the shower was for patio stuff, hence patio dining. Suggestions for gifts -- where are they honeymooning? Do you embroider? What about placements, table runners, etc. --I received a Christmas panel, fully quilted, for my bridal shower. I was thrilled & understood the hard work & effort that awent into making it. It was from someone that I knew as an acquaintance. Needless to say, she left a very lasting memory. Good luck with your choice! Peggy
So little time, sew much to do........... |
User: pretnichols
Member since: 10-16-2005 Total posts: 342 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 01-30-2007, 07:26 AM (14 of 32)
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Just a thought - I'm giving my SIL an umbrella which I'm going to trim with co-ordinating (with the bridal party) something or another. This is to ensure that it doesn't rain on her special day.
Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: cowqueenie
Date: 01-30-2007, 12:17 PM (15 of 32)
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Thinking back to one of my bridal showers, I received a BEAUTIFUL tree skirt along with a handmade ornament with my future hubby's name and mine and the wedding date right on the ornament. It is something I bring out EVERY year and I Cherish. It is part of our Christmas now and has been for 14 years. She may not have thought much of giving Christmas things for a bridal shower but I think what she did was a fantastic idea. I also recieved from my hubby's elderly aunt some hand embroidered napkins and a table cloth. I have used that many times for our family dinners we have at my house and when I bring it out, I smile and tell her a little hi! I think anything you make will come from the heart and that is part of GIFT GIVING. It is your GIFT to them. You shouldn't be told what to give or how much. "A trip to the fabric store is my therapy"
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User: cowqueenie
Member since: 10-30-2006 Total posts: 125 
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From: lendube
Date: 01-30-2007, 12:48 PM (16 of 32)
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Well, the shower was last Sat. night and was very nicely done. The money tree was a beautiful little tree covered in pictures of the bride and groom as children. No mention was ever made of the tree and I didn't see any money attached, just one envelope from one of the grandmothers. SIL and BIL have a gorgeous brand new house beautifully decorated, chocolate fountain and all! It was catered by Olive Garden and there were desserts every time you turned around. The games (does anyone really like the games?) were "wedding dress out of t.p." and "remembering each guest's association to the couple after introductions from a list of names."  There were perhaps 30 women. All of dh's family wondered why dh didn't come with me. Couldn't figure that one out. It never occured to me to ask him if he wanted to go. I guess they thought he'd come to hang out with his brother. I guess I figured BIL would have other plans. I ended up getting a rice cooker and some kitchen towels. I have a quilt top that I'd like to finish to give as the wedding present. I'm debating though since it's the first quilt I will have ever made. Lennie |
User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 01-30-2007, 03:37 PM (17 of 32)
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Lennie, your very first quilt is special and it should get a home where it will be appreciated as it deserves. It might also be nice if you could see it from time to time. I've never made a quilt although I'm sure thats my evenutal destiny but if I did I'm not sure I could let it go. If you're not planning to hold on to it yourself please make sure it goes to a good home. It may not be quite as drastic as finding a home for an orphaned child or animal but the concept is surely similar. Your niece and her future husband might love it but will they understand what you have put into it or just pop it into the linen cupboard because the colours don't go with their decor. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: lendube
Date: 01-30-2007, 09:52 PM (18 of 32)
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You're right, Pauline. That's why I'm not sure. I think I'll know when I finish it. If I feel sentimental about it then, of course I'll hang on to it or give it to my son who seems to appreciate things I make for him. I'm not a quilter and don't know if it's something that'll click with me. I also have to admit (and don't tell anyone else, Pauline, this post is well hidden...:wink  but I can't get over the feeling that machine made quilts just aren't as special as hand made quilts. (shhhhh) I put this top together in a class I took from a friend to see if quilting would be something I would enjoy. I'll just wait and see, I guess. Might not even finish it before the wedding on March 3rd. Who knows? Lennie 
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User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 01-31-2007, 04:10 AM (19 of 32)
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I also have to admit (and don't tell anyone else, Pauline, this post is well hidden...:wink but I can't get over the feeling that machine made quilts just aren't as special as hand made quilts. (shhhhh) ROFLMHO How special something is depends entirely on you. I don't think machine or hand should make much difference. It's more about the intangible that you put into it - but as you say - you'll know when you get there. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: Pudge99
Date: 01-31-2007, 10:02 AM (20 of 32)
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Oh,Oh Lennie! Saying things like that might get you hung from your toes. I agree with you just a little bit. I think that what matter mosts is the love that goes into making an item. Someone who takes the time to hand sew a quilt for you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY loves you. But a machine made quilt can be made with the same amount of love. I myself hate hand sewing and would never attempt to hand sew much more than a yo-yo (and my brain is still working on a way to make them on a machine). I am so bad that I have to use my machine to sew a button on. Gina
Pictures of my successes and failures Pfaff 2040 Janome Mylock 134D Singer Futura CE-100 w/ Autopunch Husqvarna Viking 3D Sketch |
User: Pudge99
Member since: 10-30-2001 Total posts: 1375 |
From: lendube
Date: 01-31-2007, 01:44 PM (21 of 32)
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Oooo Gina, I'm busted. I guess that was a comment that should have been pm'd! Now don't tell anyone else! I'm kind of partial to my little toes. They're so cute in the summer with a pedicure. Oh well, better get a pedicure now so I'll look good for the hanging. Lennie |
User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: Patty22
Date: 01-31-2007, 02:01 PM (22 of 32)
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but I can't get over the feeling that machine made quilts just aren't as special as hand made quilts. (shhhhh) Bwhahahahahahahah.........after you see your kids eat pizza and paint their toes on a quilt, or use to make a tent, or to play with the dog, or to haul off to camp.... with the quilt you worked so diligently hand quilting ...machine quilting will start looking really good. Lennie...when machine quilting is done without the preprogramed (dare I say mattress pad design) it can be quite beautiful. Now about giving that quilt away.....well, when you're finished with it you will know when and who to give it to without hesitation. Patty
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User: Patty22
Member since: 03-29-2006 Total posts: 1194 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 01-31-2007, 03:27 PM (23 of 32)
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I'll apologise in advance if I upset anybody (I'm only an ignorant non-quilter) but IMO I felt that a machine made quilt took more skill but less time to make (for the same result - i.e. simple design) whereas a handmade quilt was easier - staying on track with your design etc. - but took a lot more time. I've always thought that when I made a quilt I would the patchwork portion by machine (although I've only done hand patchwork to date) and do the quilting bit by hand because I'm not at all confident that I could reproduce an identical circle (for example) over and over to my satisfaction by machine. Also the fact that I would probably be a little more lenient on myself if I did make something by hand. However I only have a fairly basic sewing machine - there are probably some good bits you can put onto a quilting machine to help - yeah? Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: Patty22
Date: 01-31-2007, 04:26 PM (24 of 32)
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Pauline...you don't need to apologize......I just think it is funny. When I started machine quilting back in the early '80's Robbie Fanning was the only authority on the topic as she was a renegade. At my local guild I was not accepted because "hand quilting" was the right way to make quilts. Harriet Hardgrave came along then and was really big in early '90's....her cotton batting and then her book From Fiber to Fabric really made her a queen. IMHO....to each their own. Funny, but all the hand quilters are all machine quilting now. Me, I choose quilts that are really special and I hand quilt them. I don't have a long-arm but definitely the relationship you have with your machine makes a difference. I have a Bernina, however, if you have the ability to drop your feed dogs or if there is a plate to cover your feed dogs, then theoretically you can machine quilt. I say theoretically because as I have seen over the years from machine quilting that some machines handle machine quilting better than others. I'm not trying to pass judgement, just stating what I have seen. My Bernina has never had a problem with thread tension and that I believe has been the key to my happiness with my machine. Of course Bernina would have to come out with the BSR..... it is something I want, but unfortunately something I don't NEED (read this as: if I saved the money for it chances are an emergency would come up with the kids that would take precedent.) I know you didn't expect a long diatribe..... but don't think I was offended, because I wasn't at all. Patty
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User: Patty22
Member since: 03-29-2006 Total posts: 1194 |
From: lendube
Date: 01-31-2007, 04:31 PM (25 of 32)
Okay, I'm still around. "They" haven't found me yet!  You know Patty, that's kind of what I mean. A machine quilt seems to me to be a quilt that I wouldn't be afraid to use whereas a hand made quilt (my Mom made several and I have two) are to be very gently used if not mounted on the wall. (I have one on the guest bed and one on a wall.) Don't get me wrong; IMO there are machine quilts and then there are machine quilts. Some are artistic works worthy of a museum but a run of the mill 9 patch like the one I've "jiffy" stiched together without a lot of thought isn't a special item. It's couture vs. a Simplicity pattern summer dress. Do I make sense? Wow, what you said Pauline is interesting. I've never considered it. I just assume that handquilting is much more difficult all the way around. And yes, these machines especially made for quilting are incredible. But then again, you get close to perfect quilts. Isn't the "heart" of the quilt missing? The feeling that someone can get when they imagine the love that's in each and every stitch? I guess this would be a good post elsewhere on the board but I still value my toes too much to subject them to a hanging.......... I'm scared.........  We shall remain well hidden here in Shower Etiquette-land. They won't take me alive.... Lennie |
User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 01-31-2007, 04:38 PM (26 of 32)
Isn't it nice sometimes that you can't tell whats really in the thread by reading the title. Imagine what would happen if this were in a quilting thread  ...But then imagine also what we are probably missing ourselves by not reading through each and every one. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: Patty22
Date: 01-31-2007, 06:18 PM (27 of 32)
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I forgot to add something, because this is a very interesting conversation................. If you can ever see the book, Patterns of Progress: Quilts in the Machine Age, (I call it a book as it is softbound , but it was the show publication for the Autry Museum of Western Heritage in LA) by Barbara Brackman you will see the evolution of machine quilting. I wouldn't want anyone to misunderstand my post about machine quilting thinking that it started in the 1980's. It made a renaissance along with quilting in the 1970's. Anyway, Brackman, as usual, gives a wonderful history with lavish color photographs of early machine quilted quilts. According to Brackman, "women who had machines valued them highly." Well, that certainly hasn't changed in over 150 years! There is so much to talk about from her book, but what I took away was a sense that just because the machine was used in producing the quilt doesn't mean the same heartfelt intentions weren't there from these early makers. Since their lives were so filled with day to day chores, the sewing machine allowed them to be creative with more efficiency. If we drive our car to visit a friend at the hospital was the visit not as important because we didn't walk the five miles to get there? I say when you give a quilt away, do so with blessings and love. You can't dictate what or how that quilt will be treated or if the recipient will even understand the amount of time and energy expended in the creation. You can only pass along the love because you thought enough of the person to make it (be it machine or hand quilted). ps. One of the early quilts in the book was from 1862, Cedar Point, Iowa - a Jackson Star. Patty
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User: Patty22
Member since: 03-29-2006 Total posts: 1194 |
From: Sherri
Date: 01-31-2007, 06:33 PM (28 of 32)
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I heard some one was over here slamming machine quilting so I thought I would come check it out. My hands decided to age faster then the rest of me so unfortunately I am stuck only machine quilting that and I hate hand sewing. Sher My website
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User: Sherri
Member since: 02-07-2001 Total posts: 357 |
From: Patty22
Date: 01-31-2007, 09:31 PM (29 of 32)
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Oh and Lennie knows a really big secret about my interpretation of "shower etiquette" so needless to say no one is bashing any sewing machines over here who quilt. We're all equal opportunity stitchers!
Patty
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User: Patty22
Member since: 03-29-2006 Total posts: 1194 |
From: lendube
Date: 01-31-2007, 09:59 PM (30 of 32)
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Yeah Patty, I know you've got NONE! Sher, no one's bashing anything over here. Pauline and I are non-quilters who are just trying to understand a bit more about it. Clarification, you might say as to misconceptions, etc. Patty is just very kindly helping us out. Shhhhh, this is a secret thread. We don't want to start any fireworks. Notice how well we're hiding here? Lennie
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User: lendube
Member since: 08-06-2006 Total posts: 1548 |
From: Sherri
Date: 01-31-2007, 10:15 PM (31 of 32)
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I know just teasing
My website
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User: Sherri
Member since: 02-07-2001 Total posts: 357 |
From: Patty22
Date: 02-01-2007, 05:10 PM (32 of 32)
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I'm keeping track of everyone in this conversation and expecting all of you to join us in the next block swap! I'll be posting a picture of my quilt (for all you clothing sewers  ) after everyone receives their blocks in the mail (hopefully they will have received them by Valentine's Day). Anyway........I am going to machine quilt this quilt and I am so excited about it because it is such a fun and happy quilt Oh.......but Lennie........the idea of the little tree with pictures of the couple as little children sounds so endearing to me. Just a really cute idea. Patty
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User: Patty22
Member since: 03-29-2006 Total posts: 1194 |
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