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This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: suesodyssey
Date: 01-24-2007, 03:29 PM (1 of 14)
It has been a while since I have been on...some traveling, surgery, just general stuff. My granddaughter is having her first communion in May, and of course grandma will be there. My daughter called a week ago and said they can only have 8 people in the reserved area. There are 7 places taken with my daughter, granddaughter, son-in-law, his parents and the two God Mothers. She informed me my husband (her step father) would have to sit with the rest of the family members (none of whom he has ever met) someplace else. After thinking it through, I told her my husband and I would sit together with the rest of the family members. My son-in-law called me this afternoon very mad at me that I was going to ruin my granddaughters big day. I told him since i wasn't Catholic, it wouldn't be a big deal for her because I wouldn't be allowed to take part in the communion service anyway...I could only be an observer. Then he let go on me saying I could go up and get a blessing and on and on. I told him I knew nothing about the service and ceremony and that no one had ever told me anything. The bottom line is now, I have to sit apart from my husband to please my daughter and her family, or I sit with my husband and suffer the rath.

User: suesodyssey
Member since: 03-29-2005
Total posts: 86
From: DorothyL
Date: 01-24-2007, 04:07 PM (2 of 14)
If it was me I'd sit with my husband and let her husband know how offended I was that he showed no respect for me, my family and my beliefs.
You're not ruining anything for your grand daughter -- he is with his attitude.
But that's just me. You are probably nicer than I am.
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883
From: Pudge99
Date: 01-24-2007, 04:55 PM (3 of 14)
Well I must say, lucky them, that they get so many seats. My son is making his First Comunion this year and they told us that one maybe two people could sit with him.
I think that you should sit where you are comfortable. Honestly your grandaughter probably won't even remember who sat in the pew with her. What I remember from my first communion is my Grandma sitting in the middle seat of the station wagon ( I was up front) asking to see my little prayer book purse. When I got it back she had put a penny in it.
I also remember my non-Catholic Grandma enjoying a conversation with the Bishop. I say be there and be the Grandma you are and don't worry about where you sit.
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User: Pudge99
Member since: 10-30-2001
Total posts: 1375
From: MaryW
Date: 01-24-2007, 05:11 PM (4 of 14)
Sit with hubby and be proud of your grandchild. It is her big day. All that other stuff is just so much blah blah.
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User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
From: Chrysantha
Date: 01-24-2007, 09:16 PM (5 of 14)
I was brought up Catholic...and when I made my first communion NO ONE was allowed to sit with the kids.
All the kids sat up front, behind us were nuns and priests (so we could get wacked if we didn't pay attention or fell asleep). All the parents, relatives etc were in seats in the back if there were any or standing around the sides...

I'd say get rid of the God-Mothers...(they usually aren't family) and let all the family sit together...give your son-in-law a whack across the knuckles with a ruler (if he's a Catholic he will know what that is...) He's an idiot...
So stand your ground !!!
You don't have to be Catholic to go to communion or to participate in anything in church...(if your sil told you that, he's a liar....what a good Catholic that makes him)
(give him another wack with a ruler...lower down this time...somewhere around the zipper area of his pants..)

Have a great day with her...!!!
User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002
Total posts: 2414
From: suesodyssey
Date: 01-24-2007, 09:29 PM (6 of 14)
Thanks everyone...I was beginning to feel that the sil was right and I was just thinking about me. According to the sil, husband and I can go down with the rest of the family for the granddaughters communion, and we would get a blessing. So if we are going to be there with her, not sitting in the pew with his parents, sister and other God mother probably won't matter to her. She is a smart little girl, think she will realize that there wasn't room for the other grandma and grandpa. I am going to tell my daughter tonight of my decision. She will be mad, but so be it...guess she will get over it sometime.

User: suesodyssey
Member since: 03-29-2005
Total posts: 86
From: plrlegal
Date: 01-24-2007, 09:41 PM (7 of 14)
Sue Chrys is right. My DH and I are god parents to one of my nieces who lives in Ohio. We were asked to present the sacraments for she and her husband for the communion at their wedding. We were seated right before my mother (bride's grandmother) as we were considered part of the wedding party. However, during the entire wedding ceremony/mass, the priest made everyone there comfortable with the ceremonial parts of the wedding mass and invited those who felt so led or knew the appropriate responses, etc., to kneel or not kneel, accept communion or not accept communion, respond to responvie readings, etc. So, go to your granddaughter's communion, sit with your husband, be very proud of your granddaughter and show her how proud of her you are and how much you love her and let the priests handle the rest of it. Tell your SIL that apparently he needs to take some lessons on how to make others feel comfortable in his church/faith because apparently he doesn't know a whole lot about his chosen faith/church, its ceremonial rituals or the duties of the priests/church leaders.

User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001
Total posts: 318
From: MotherInLaw
Date: 01-24-2007, 09:57 PM (8 of 14)
Chrys, you must have had the same nuns I had when I was making my communion. We had to wear veils to church back then and we were lined up going into church during retreat before communion and the little girl ahead of me in line dropped her veil so I went to pick it up and hand it to her and the nun came up from behind me and hit me with a paddle really hard on my rear. Back then we wore dresses and it felt like she knocked my lights out. I broke out in tears she embarrassed me so bad. I wasn't talking I was just picking up the veil and handing it to her she dropped it. Also it was the same way when I was making mine we stood in front with our sponsors and the parents were in the back of the priest and nuns.

Sue, I say sit with your husband. Some people use their faith to act with bad manners don't feel bad you're not the bad one here, I wouldn't let my husband sit in the back of the church and I sit up front either. Sit with him. You're granddaughter will know what's going on.
I'm regressing back into my youth, I just have to figure out how I'm going to convience my body to come along with me.
User: MotherInLaw
Member since: 06-25-2005
Total posts: 1118
From: Chrysantha
Date: 01-24-2007, 11:22 PM (9 of 14)
Of course I did Suz...all the Nuns back then were like big black bats and carried wooden rulers to wack you with...(with the priests just standing around looking important....) it wasn't till the late 60's early 70's that the nuns got short skirted habits and the priests got rid of the 'I'm the ruler here' a days you can't always tell who the nuns are...(unless they have that little gold cross on their shirts...) and priests don't always wear white collars....
User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002
Total posts: 2414
From: suesodyssey
Date: 01-25-2007, 07:51 AM (10 of 14)
I didn't get to talk to my daughter last night as they weren't home, or just didn't answer the phone. My sil said that this church doesn't celebrate a mass just for the kids taking first communion. It is regular 10:30 mass with everyone there, plus all the other people for the first communion. It does seem to me that the person doing the planning didn't really think..most families will have 2 parents, 2 sets of grand parents and 2 God mothers/fathers plus the child. Of course my sil was quick to tell me that not all the families are "normal" families..guess that was a jab at me being divorced. But like I told him, if there are some families that don't have 8 people, why can't his family "borrow" a seat from them. (I was also not so nice and asked him if he was going to split his parents. Not very nice and it really PO'ed him even more) My husband and I will be in Denver in May,go to my granddaughters first communion, be very proud of her and love her and we will sit together. I can only hope that my daughter will come to her senses once we can talk and tell the sil to leave it alone and quit being such a jerk. She is usually pretty level headed, can only hope that she gets it back soon.

Thanks again ladies.

User: suesodyssey
Member since: 03-29-2005
Total posts: 86
From: pretnichols
Date: 01-25-2007, 10:17 AM (11 of 14)
My DD made her communion in May 2006. No one, besides parents, was allowed in the pew with us, including siblings. The Mass was done on a Saturday, and the Church was packed solid, with all kinds of family members. My parents got there REALLLY early, and I do mean early :bg: (like an hour +). Anyway, since DH's mother is deceased, we invited his aunt. She ended up with my parents, because she too was early. They saved a place for DS, but he did end up in the pew with us -- 102Fever (turned out to be strep--another story).

Anyway, during practice, we were told everyone, regardless of faith, would be welcome to come forward, but only those who were Catholic would receive the sacrament. Everyone else would receive a blessing. Again, the priest made everyone feel comfortable, during various parts of the service. Let's face it, you are doing this for your grand-daughter. Some people just like to plan (compulsively) how things need to be, and can't think outside the box. While it is easy to say from behind my keyboard :bg: , if you go with a positive attitude, you, your husband and your granddaughter will have a wonderful day, and spit on the rest of them.

And Chrys & Suzie -- the nuns weren't allowed to hit us with rulers when I was in school. Although there were a few old school ones. I was taught by quite a few "ex" nuns -- who dressed really weird!:dave:

So little time, sew much to do...........
User: pretnichols
Member since: 10-16-2005
Total posts: 342
From: MotherInLaw
Date: 01-25-2007, 09:20 PM (12 of 14)
I went to public school and only went to the catholic school after school for catechism. My impression of the nuns was one of fright.:shock: After I was grown my Dad died and my Mother worked at the church and she befriended the nuns and those were wonderful. They were from a different order and totally different. They loved Children not like the ones from my day that acted as if kids were the children of the devil himself and had to be disciplined with an iron hand.

Sue I think you are doing the right thing. Your SIL will get over whatever it is he's uptight about and if not OH WELL.
I'm regressing back into my youth, I just have to figure out how I'm going to convience my body to come along with me.
User: MotherInLaw
Member since: 06-25-2005
Total posts: 1118
From: mozeyrn
Date: 01-26-2007, 12:58 AM (13 of 14)
Sue, I can't believe your sil is still going on about this - he's got issues to be so rude to his mil! If my sister in law ever talked that way to my mom, wow, my mom would have given her a verbal lashing she wouldn't forget for a loooong time. Mom doesn't use vulgar language or anything but gets her point across quite clearly.
I'm with the rest of them - sit with your dh. If possible do something special with your granddaughter at another time or give her something special to wear (bracelet, pin, cross pendent if she doesn't already have one) for her communion.
My communion dress was a dress from my godmother that her two daughters had worn and was going back to her after I wore it so her youngest daughter could wear it too. It had a veil and everything. I most remember my dad sitting next to me in church.
- Maureen.
Learning something new with every stitch!!
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User: mozeyrn
Member since: 11-29-2005
Total posts: 349
From: bridesmom
Date: 01-27-2007, 09:44 AM (14 of 14)
I'd like to know what constitutes a normal family nowadays!! I think of all the people I know, the divorced/remarried couples outnumber the original marrieds. My gosh, for our family alone there are so many stepdads and stepmoms and stepgrandparents that we'd probably take up the first three rows of the church - both sides!!
How rude of your sil to make your dh seem like an outsider - at leasts that's what it seems like to me. I'm with you, sit with dh, get a little present for the adorable gd and that's all I'll say, or I'll get a little slap on the side of the head from Mary. :bg:
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User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004
Total posts: 2026
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