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From: Bama
Date: 06-25-2007, 05:11 PM (1 of 16)
I took my MIL to the doctor a couple of weeks ago because she's been having stomach problems. The doctor sent her for a C.A.T. scan that afternoon. That turned out okay so a colonoscomy was scheduled for tomorrow. My BIL picked up the meds she was supposed to start later today. She's been without food all day today like she was supposed to. She just called me and said she cancelled her appointment. They called and told her we should be there at 7:00 a.m. so she told them she couldn't get there that early and cancelled.  I told her that it would not be a problem to get there by 7:00. She said, "Well it would be a problem for me." She was supposed to start the 2nd bottle of the stuff she's supposed to drink four hours before her appointment and she said she wasn't getting up at 3:00 a.m. to start it.  I swear she acts more like a child than my kids sometimes. I wonder if she's just afraid that they will find something. I can't force her to go, especially since SHE's already cancelled the appointment, but I'm sure I'll get all the blame from the family members that don't even live here yet expect me to do everything for her. *I* can't talk with her doctor's office about it. SHe has my BIL listed as a contact. Not me or my husband. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116 
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From: DorothyL
Date: 06-25-2007, 05:23 PM (2 of 16)
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I'd call my brother-in-law and tell him that as the contact, he has a problem. Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: plrlegal
Date: 06-26-2007, 02:11 AM (3 of 16)
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Bama it sounds to me like she's just scarred of having the test. I had a colonoscopy not too long ago and that really is not the most pleasant of tests, however, my doctor put me to sleep so I didn't actually know anything about it except the prep part -- aaaaarrrggghhhh!!! As we get older apparently we get more child like and afraid. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 06-26-2007, 07:49 AM (4 of 16)
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If it's fear that's her problem and if it's rescheduled for a similar time you should have her stay at your house the night before. Then you could get up with her and hold her hand through the hours prior to the test. Something like that could be pretty scary to face by yourself no matter what your age. I know if I'm feeling unwell it's always worse in the middle of the night when there's nobody around (I'm always reluctant to wake dh). And if the outlaws don't like what's happened - let them deal with it. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: Bama
Date: 06-26-2007, 12:52 PM (5 of 16)
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I offered to spend the night with her but she didn't want me to. She was sick for 2 days this past week and I was over there cleaning up after her several times a day. Now that she's feeling better she thinks she just won't have the test at all. She had one a few years ago so she knows what to expect. I'm going to let my BIL handle it. He can baby her for a while. I don't mind taking care of her, but I hate it when she gets stubborn like this. What good does it do to take her to the doctor if she won't do what they say? I care a lot about her, but I get tired of dealing with all of it sometimes. About 10 years ago she got very ill and couldn't get out of bed. When I checked on her she was slurring when she talked so I said we were going to the hospital. She got mad and pouted and clasped her arms so I couldn't change her clothes. My husband was at work and my FIL was no help so I called a family friend to come over. He told her to cooperate or we would call an ambulance. We got her to the hospital and they said she was having a mild stroke. She had to have leg artery bypass surgery. She was in intensive care for a week. Since then she has stated several times that she wouldn't have the health problems she has today if we hadn't taken her to the hospital. She's been going to doctors ever since. The family friend (who is more outspoken than I am) said, "You're right. You would probably be dead." |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Longblades
Date: 06-27-2007, 02:27 PM (6 of 16)
| Thank goodness for that family friend for backing you up. I think part of the problem with older folk is that it is humiliating for them to accept suggestions or ideas from their youngers. Particularly the ones they used to look after themselves. After all, the older folk used to be the ones who knew best and now the young upstarts are telling them what to do. |
User: Longblades
Member since: 07-14-2005 Total posts: 182 |
From: esrun3
Date: 06-27-2007, 09:35 PM (7 of 16)
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I'd be sure to keep that family friend around!!! Let your BIL handle it, you can't force her, you tried to do what you had agreed to do and that's all you can do. I know it's frustrating but try to let it go.
Lyn
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User: esrun3
Member since: 12-02-2004 Total posts: 2345 |
From: MartySews2
Date: 06-28-2007, 03:45 PM (8 of 16)
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One cannot force someone to do something even if it is for their own good. Your MIL sounds like she is terrified of what the doctors may find. I would contact her doctor and see if the colonescopy could be scheduled later in the day. At my last one, it was scheduled for 11am which was much better for me. The doctor removed some polyps and found that I have gastric paresis which caused the pain and vomiting. A drug on the market remedied that problem. Try to talk with her in a non-confronting manner and discuss her fears. Sometimes it helps just to have someone to listen. Marty 
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User: MartySews2
Member since: 05-03-2007 Total posts: 293 
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From: Bama
Date: 07-05-2007, 02:39 PM (9 of 16)
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We finally convinced my MIL to go to the doctor a couple of days ago. She fell in her kitchen and my FIL picked her up by her arm. I'm so glad he didn't fall down too. I told him next time he better call one of us and not try to get her up. Her primary doctor got us an appointment with an orthopedic doctor that afternoon but first she sent my MIL for chest x-rays. She still has a cough she's had for over a month. We haven't heard from that yet. It was a job getting her to all the different appointments that day. I have to pull to the door, walk her in, and go park the car and come back. I'm going to ask her doctor the next visit about getting a handicap tag. She has lost 5 1/2 pounds in less than 3 weeks. She weighs 97 pounds now. She weighed around 130 about 3 years ago. The doctor was too concerned with her shoulder to worry about the colon test for now. Shoulder x-rays showed she broke her collar bone. They put her in a brace and an arm sling and we go back in 2 weeks. In fact she has 3 different doctor appointments in the next 3 weeks. She can't do anything now. I'm having to go over every morning to bathe and dress her. It was fight to get her to let me bathe her. She finally gave in and is letting me do everything for her now. I did all her housework this morning. My FIL is actually making breakfast for them now.  I take her a meal in the afternoon and healthy snacks throughout the day. She won't eat very much. Her sister brought her some Insure to drink. She came this morning to stay a few days. She said so I would get some relief.  Hubby's aunt is amazing. She's 85 and still going like she was 50. One of the SILs keeps calling me to see if I've done this or that for our MIL.  She's in another state but I'm sure they'll be here soon to make sure I'm taking care of her.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: plrlegal
Date: 07-05-2007, 10:46 PM (10 of 16)
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Bama you could always invite the SIL to 1) take her home with her for a while; or 2) come stay with her and take care of both her and FIL. SILs give me a pain sometimes, anyway. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: PaulineG
Date: 07-06-2007, 06:13 AM (11 of 16)
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She's in another state but I'm sure they'll be here soon to make sure I'm taking care of her. You know what they say - if you want the job done right you have to do it yourself. Just tell her that if she's unhappy. Hubby's aunt sounds like a keeper though. Whenever it all seems too much just think of all the good karma you're reaping. Pauline
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User: PaulineG
Member since: 09-08-2006 Total posts: 901 |
From: Bama
Date: 07-06-2007, 10:13 PM (12 of 16)
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That's a good thing to say to her next time. I even thought about telling her next time she asks, that I haven't been over there at all that day and see what she says. A funny thing happened yesterday. DH's brother and his wife are coming to visit in 2 weeks. They're supposed to stay only 3 or 4 days. DH went over to see his mom right after my SIL had called me yesterday to see if I had been over there and what I had done for MIL yesterday. He told his mom that I was on the phone with the other DIL and that she would be flying in this weekend to take care of "mommy" until her husband gets here in two weeks. (Of course he was just telling her that) His mother had a fit and told him that *I* was taking good care of her and she doesn't need anyone else to help. When I went over this morning she kept asking me if he was just kidding.  This particular SIL is a real cleaning fanatic. Maybe she'll scrub MIL's bathtub while she's here. She usually does. Of course I'd love the help if it was from someone else. MIL wouldn't let her sister help her dress this morning. She waited until I went over there. I sure hope she gets much better before I have to go back to work in August.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Bama
Date: 07-16-2007, 02:13 PM (13 of 16)
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I went over to my MIL's house this morning to help her out and she had a gift for me. She had my BIL pick out some new silverware for me. She said she didn't know what she would do without me. It made me feel kind of bad for being so impatient with her lately.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: SandyGirl
Date: 07-16-2007, 02:52 PM (14 of 16)
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Aw. She knows who she trusts and loves. How touching. You must be a very special daughter-in-law. We are all (likely) either taking care of someone elderly, have taken care of someone elderly or soon to be doing so. It is not "fun", can be a thankless job, and "family" members who don't lend a hand will be your worst critics. I know, I am going through the same thing. My brother and sister are at each others' throats over decisions made on behalf of our mothers' care. Hang in there... |
User: SandyGirl
Member since: 09-16-2005 Total posts: 97 |
From: plrlegal
Date: 07-16-2007, 03:03 PM (15 of 16)
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As most of you know, I have a rather large family (12 living siblings) and any criticism that is leveled against my 3 sisters that have being seeing to and making decisions about our mother's care the last several years have been very politely told that if they think they can take better care of her, then they can pack their bags and move to where she is and take care of her but if not, then keep their mouth shut and send their share of the money for her care. Things have stay pretty quiet concerning her care now. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: MartySews2
Date: 07-16-2007, 10:35 PM (16 of 16)
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I took care of my beloved MIL until her death 6 years ago. Her daughter who lives about 400 miles away complained that I forced her into a nursing home. My DH told his sister that it was ALL of mother's OWN choice to go to a nursing home even though we offered around the clock nursing care. I just helped them keep the house and made sure everything (funeral, nursing home bills, clothing, etc) was taken care of all while working a full-time job and having an elementary age daughter. Also, I took care of an elderly neighbor for more than 20 years until her death because she had no family members. She was 93 when she died. I had to dispose of all of her things plus handle the sale of her house before she died as she went into assisted living. She accused me of stealing from her and had called an attorney. Fortunately, I kept meticulous records. It took some time to get all of that settled. Guess no good deed goes unpunished. My mother lives with my brother who is single and has more income than I do so I don't worry about her. She has never asked for help and has made it clear that my brother will see to her needs as we have our own families to keep us (my 2 sisters and me) busy. She also lives over 500 miles away from the rest of us. In fact, all of us are scattered around the country. Am so glad that your MIL recognizes just how valuable you are to her health and well-being. Congratulations on doing such a good job because it is not easy (speaking from experience). Hugs to you!!! Marty 
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User: MartySews2
Member since: 05-03-2007 Total posts: 293
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