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This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: Lupie Linda
Date: 03-15-2003, 04:36 PM (1 of 13)
Feeling sorry for myself -- my yearly exam is due... Sigh. This poem always brightens it a little for me. I still wonder if mammos do more damage than good!


For years and years they told me,
"Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests."

So I heeded all their warnings
And protected them by Law...
Guarded them very carefully,
And always wore a bra.

After 30 years of careful care,
The doctor found a lump.
He ordered a mammogram
To look inside that clump.

"Stand very close," she said,
As she got my tit in line,
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah Yes! There! That's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal...
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down...
My boob was in a vice!!!

My skin was stretched and stretched
From way up by my chin.
And my poor tit was being squashed
To Swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within its vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath," she said to me
Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.

"There, that was good," I heard her say
As the room was slowly swaying,
"Now let's get the other one,"
"Lord, have mercy," I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides,
I'll bet she's never had this done
To her tender hide!

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now...
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have popped*****KER--POW!!!

This machine was made by a man,
Of this I have no doubt...
I'd like to get his balls in there
For months he'd go "without"!!!!!!
User: Lupie Linda
Member since: 08-22-2002
Total posts: 15
From: Lillian
Date: 03-15-2003, 06:09 PM (2 of 13)
Just had mine last week and the few minutes of discomfort are better when you get that letter that says NORMAL:nervous: :nervous: :nervous:
User: Lillian
Member since: 06-11-2002
Total posts: 31
From: sewingrandma
Date: 03-16-2003, 01:14 AM (3 of 13)
Had mine on Thursday. I changed my due date from the summer to spring so that the heat would still be on so the room and machine would be fairly warm. Would you believe it was so warm that day they turned the A/C on. I was cold, you could tell!:bg:
User: sewingrandma
Member since: 03-06-2003
Total posts: 432
From: Lupie Linda
Date: 03-17-2003, 11:17 AM (4 of 13)
Way to go! Yours are done already! Mammos have sure saved some of my friends lives.

User: Lupie Linda
Member since: 08-22-2002
Total posts: 15
From: Krystal
Date: 04-04-2003, 08:52 AM (5 of 13)
Hmmmmmmm......I have now had 2 letters informing me that I am now due for this boob squashing procedure. Am I bet!!!!!!!! I hate it but not as much as I hate the pap smear test........I am overdue for both. I am putting off......for as long as I can.

Ps....Can we have an Oz flag to put after our notes please
User: Krystal
Member since: 02-09-2002
Total posts: 9
From: plrlegal
Date: 04-04-2003, 11:40 AM (6 of 13)
You have got to read this --- I laughed so hard I almost Cried
Subject: Today the Dayton Daily News published the winning entries in the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition.

1st place in Humor category by Leigh Anne Jasheway of Eugene, Oregon.

"The First Time's Always the Worst"

The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches on fire. That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me exactly as she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister - right hand on the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as humanly possible from the rest of your body). Then she clamped the machine down so tight, I think my breast actually turned inside out. I'm pretty sure Victoria's Secret doesn't have a bra for that. Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise. I looked down at my right breast to make sure it hadn't exploded. Nope, it was still flat as a pancake and still attached to my body.
"Oh no!" Gail said loudly. These are perhaps, the words you least want to hear from any health professional. Suddenly, she came flying past me, her lab coat whipping behind her, on her way out the door.
She yelled over her shoulder, "The machine's on fire, I'm going to get help!" OK, I was wrong, 'The machine's on fire,' are the worst words you can hear from a health professional. Especially if you're all alone and semi-permanently attached to A MACHINE and don't know if it's THE MACHINE in question. I struggled for a few seconds trying to get free, but even Houdini couldn't have escaped. I decided to go to plan B: yelling at the top of my lung (the one that was still working). I hadn't seen anything on fire, so my panic hadn't quite reached epic proportions. But then I started to smell smoke coming from behind the partition. "This is ridiculous," I thought. I can't die like this. What would they put in my obituary? Cause of death: breast entrapment? I may have inhaled some fumes because I started to hallucinate. An imaginary fireman rushed in with a fire hose and a hatchet. "Howdy, ma'am," he said. "What's happened here?" he asked, averting his eyes. "My breasts were too hot for the machine," I quipped, as my imaginary fireman ran out of the room again. "This is gonna take the Jaws of Life!" In reality, Gail returned with a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. She gave me a big smile and released me from the machine. "Sorry! That's the first time that's ever happened. Why don't you take a few minutes to relax before we finish up?" I think that's what she said. I was running across the parking lot in my backless paper gown at the time. After I'd relaxed for a few years, I figured I might go back. But I was bringing my own fire extinguisher.

Sandra Kunkel
Medina County Extension Agent
Family and Consumer Sciences

Patsy :bg:
User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001
Total posts: 318
From: Lupie Linda
Date: 04-04-2003, 11:47 AM (7 of 13)

That is sooo funny! I copied it and sent it to the hospital where hubby works. Grin. I bet it gets passed on!

User: Lupie Linda
Member since: 08-22-2002
Total posts: 15
From: Llantrisant
Date: 07-07-2003, 10:48 AM (8 of 13)
Things us women have to go thru eh? I hate that boob squashing too! painful at times,and then they make u sit there to watch a video on how to check for lumps lol.Gives us time to not go out the door looking like we were the vice squad .:bg:
If at first you don't suceed, try-try again!
User: Llantrisant
Member since: 06-02-2002
Total posts: 144
From: LeapFrog Libby
Date: 07-07-2003, 12:31 PM (9 of 13)
Someone sent me a pix in my e-mail (cartoon) Showing the X-ray Techie (male) with his private part put in the squeezer by a female patient.. I don't want to be accused of sending porn, so I didn't forward it to anyone.. (I'm chicken) I deleted it after ROFLMAO for half an hour....:bg: :bg: :bg: :bg:
Sew With Love
User: LeapFrog Libby
Member since: 05-01-2002
Total posts: 2022
From: Bama
Date: 07-08-2003, 01:56 PM (10 of 13)
I go for my first mammogram in a couple of months.:nervous:

My SIL sent me a cartoon that said "world's first mammogram" with a picture of a woman with her boob caught in an old ringer washing machine.:whacky:
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000
Total posts: 2116
From: weB2cats
Date: 08-19-2003, 01:20 AM (11 of 13)
I've never understood the fear in taking mamograms, but then my technicians were always very gentle and considerate, so it
never hurt. It's just kind of weird. But I wonder if the cup size of the breasts in questions is what all the hoopla is about. I am a C-cup and this seems to cover the x-ray plates fairly well. I had an e-ray once while I was nursing and the leakage was inevitable. But I was in my 40's then and pretty much nothing embarassed me by then. It was better than having a root canal and just as important to be done and over with.

I agree that the negative results makes the slight discomfort all the more bearable.

As for Erma Bombeck, she got paid to be a drama queen, so it didn't ring true to hear her tell the story of her experience. Besides, giving birth was much more painful than a mammogram. It's all relative, n'est pas?
User: weB2cats
Member since: 11-07-2002
Total posts: 232
From: Dode
Date: 10-16-2003, 12:36 AM (12 of 13)
:bg: That story was very funny. I have had to have one every year for about 8 years due to 2 sisters having had breast cancer. Most years they haven't bothered me but this year I hurt so much I was almost in tears. I like the idea of the guys having it done.:bluewink:
Have a great day
User: Dode
Member since: 03-09-2003
Total posts: 15
From: kryzewski
Date: 10-16-2003, 03:36 PM (13 of 13)
The next time I'm at the "squisher" machine (in a couple of weeks) and I break out in laughter, I'll sure think of you ladies:dave: :dave: :dave:
Have a pieceful day! Kathy
User: kryzewski
Member since: 10-16-2003
Total posts: 4
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