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The Sew What’s New Archive

This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: MaryW
Date: 04-24-2003, 02:25 PM (1 of 19)
In Pennsylvania, a 14 yr. old boy shot and killed his principal, then himself. Such a terrible waste of life.

I know there must have been some sign of this coming. Remember Columbine, what an awful scene that was. These kids are really mixed up and confused.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
From: pbknudson
Date: 04-24-2003, 05:04 PM (2 of 19)
It is so sad that kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore. They are expected to grow up too fast. Just today, I had 2 children in my reading group that told me they wished they were dead!! These are third and fourth graders. We have a school counselor who visits with these kids, does suicide interviews and calls parents etc. In my class of 18 students, only 7 live with both biological parents.
Packrat
User: pbknudson
Member since: 04-02-2003
Total posts: 20
From: MaryW
Date: 04-24-2003, 07:18 PM (3 of 19)
Wow, less than half have their bio parents. That is quite something.

I know there are very few kids that have both bio parents.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
From: Aimee S
Date: 04-24-2003, 11:47 PM (4 of 19)
I know when i take my kids to the doctors they will ask the childs last name and then they will ask my last name. It is a shame that parents and children having the same last name is not the norm.

Most of this started when women started going to work. I dont believe it is the woman job to stay home but at least one parent should be at home with the children, not a stranger or another family member.

When we decided I would stay home we looked at the expenses. I made 4 grand a month. It looked like a great loss. but then you cut out the extra gas, the clothing expense, the babysitter, the eating out cause we are too tired. We were actually only making an extra 100 a week. it was a sad thought.
It was easier going to work then staying home. Also if I was not staying home our two littlest ones would not exsist.

I know some will argue with me that they cant stay home they need the money but if they look at where the extra money is going you will be surprised. Cutting the paper and cable and the other mentioned above you will really be surprised.
The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!

http://photos.yahoo.com/aimeehs29
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003
Total posts: 488
From: MaryW
Date: 04-25-2003, 07:06 AM (5 of 19)
I knew a girl who paid money to go to work. By the time she paid for babysitters, gas, clothes, and fast food she owed money every week but she wasn't happy staying home.

I stayed home with my kids until the last one was in high school. Sometimes I think that was too long, but my kids always knew I was there for them and we lived without the extras I could bring in.

In Canada, it is a huge tax problem once both of us make decent money so that is another consideration. After a while, you lose all enthusiasm or ambition with the tax man being so greedy.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
From: bren
Date: 04-25-2003, 05:22 PM (6 of 19)
I was home with my daughter till she was 14 teen, I went to work after my marridge was over, I 'm glad I had that time with her, were very close, I only wish she could see clear to stay home with her son , and another one on the way,

We have so many want's and so few need's, I'm quilty of that myself,

I'm not pointing a finger , just saying a truth, Kids need there parent's home if at all possible,

I was so fortunate when I was young , and didn't even realise it , I had my mom at home!!!! :bg:

:Canada:
Bren:
Don't let anyone ...Live Rent Free In Your Head
User: bren
Member since: 11-30-2002
Total posts: 489
From: MissMinx
Date: 05-07-2003, 06:55 AM (7 of 19)
I believe mom should stay at home with her children, because she is the NURTURER!
Very important to have that at the start of your lifeÖ I worked all my life (as my mom did) and all I wanted to do is to stay at home. The problem is, the higher you get (for women), the harder it is to leave and not always because of money; you just donít want to hear that you could not cut the mustard (not sure if you have this saying, but itís something like Ď could not copeí or worse)! Of course, the biggest problem is the government, for some reason they donít encourage it, even though it will help to bring up a more secure, better behaved generation, I believe. If you only have one earner in the family, why not give them some tax relieve etc for the benefit of a family!? :nc:
User: MissMinx
Member since: 02-14-2003
Total posts: 140
From: MissMinx
Date: 05-07-2003, 07:00 AM (8 of 19)
I should have also mentioned, that if mom stays at home, it would be beneficial to her marriage. May be there would not be so many partings of biological parents! :bluesad: :whacky:
User: MissMinx
Member since: 02-14-2003
Total posts: 140
From: joannequilts
Date: 05-07-2003, 07:17 AM (9 of 19)
My view point on that is much different. Women have had to fight awful hard to come this far and to be looked at as an equal. I grew up with a household full of boys and it was no picnic. In my honest opinion women need to stop treating the boys different from the girls, raise them to be nurturing good parents just like mom. If we keep old society views the burden of proof on women will never change. Maybe doing for so many brothers I raised three boys that can do exactly the same thing women can and why shouldn't they?
User: joannequilts
Member since: 12-22-2000
Total posts: 3070
From: plrlegal
Date: 05-07-2003, 10:20 AM (10 of 19)
A big part of the problem here in the U.S. with both parents working is because they have to in order to maintain the lifestyle they've become accustomed to (i.e., new cars, new and bigger homes, private schools for the kids, expensive vacation trips, designer clothes, cars for teenage drivers, etc.). Life here in the U.S. is not cheap these days as I am sure it is not anywhere else.

Patsy
Patsy
User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001
Total posts: 318
From: dmoses
Date: 05-07-2003, 10:57 AM (11 of 19)
I agree with Joanne. Who does what in the family household is immaterial as long as everyone takes his/her share of the burden...then it is not such a burden. I tell my kids that it is not fair to bring a baby into the world unless both parents are there to love and care for him/her, and to care for each other.

Patsy, I know what you are saying about lifestyle, but all those things amount to one thing...greed. A lot of people are trying to live above their means, and their families are suffering because of it.
Take care,
Donna
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002
Total posts: 964
From: dregan
Date: 05-07-2003, 11:22 AM (12 of 19)
I have to say I agree with you all even though there are differences of opinion. I think it is important how many women struggled and worked and moved up to improve the equality for women in the work place, but sometimes I think we shot ourselves in the foot doing it. Prices seem to increase in the U.S. to now make it necessary for the woman to work, and I think that is somewhat sad. I am a registered nurse and worked at the same hospital for 25 yrs-although in different departments. I did love my work, but after having 3 children between 1979-jan.1984, full-time work was very hard. My children were in choir, band, every sport imagineable and trying to get to every game, etc., work every day, and keep up a house, was difficult and I felt a lot of guilt, feeling I wasn't doing any of it perfectly, or very well. The housework was always last-hate it anyway. I didn't plan on working full-time after having children, but my husband worked at John Deere-big tractor manufacturer and was laid off in '81 after 10 yrs. never to return due to downsizing. He didn't get a decent job until '91, but by then with debt load, has had to work a lot of overtime, especially since children in college. Now, I am disabled and he works 7 days a week and 16 on Sun. just to pay bills. I disagree with fact in U.S. that women keep working to always have so many great things. We are in the same small house that needs work on everything, my children went to public schools, and now State colleges, although they all have loved the U. of Iowa, etc. I realize many people are doing better than we are, but many aren't doing as well either. Now, I realize I have said too much and sound like I'm whining, but I am NOW at home alone everyday, due to back injuries from working(a lot of the problems)-and well, guess I got a little wordy. Guess it did me good to join a chat forum-never have before except when trying to quit smoking.(no, I still smoke):nervous: :bluesmile Have a great day everyone. I suppose I'll get a bad rating my second day! Deb:nervous:
User: dregan
Member since: 02-28-2003
Total posts: 24
From: dmoses
Date: 05-07-2003, 12:21 PM (13 of 19)
Hi Deb,

I don't think you're whining, and your points are well-taken.

I hope you take the time to feel proud of your accomplishments...especially your three children who are successful in school and college! That's no easy feat in the best of circumstances. :bluesmile
Take care,
Donna
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002
Total posts: 964
From: dregan
Date: 05-07-2003, 12:44 PM (14 of 19)
Thanks a lot for that. I am so very grateful my children turned out so well, hardworking, good people, who haven't hardly caused me any trouble. I love them so much, but also like them because of who they have become. I always said at work when talking to my patients, "I have really great kids, in spite of myself", and sometimes you wonder how it happened. I think if you're there for them and let them know you are proud and love them unconditionally, it doesn't really matter if you work or not, as long as you are there for them when you're not. They are very independent, know how to clean, do their laundry, and be honest, hardworking people. What more can a mom want? They even give my husband, Mark, and I the credit for becoming who they are. I won't probably see any of my children this Mother's Day-work, finals in college, and one son in St. Paul, Minn., but I know I'll hear from everyone of them and their thoughts will be with me.:bluesmile Now, I sound like I'm really bragging! I don't get out enough!:bg: I really do miss working and the great group of gals I worked with. The best was delivering babies-and delivering a few fast ones by myself!:bg:
User: dregan
Member since: 02-28-2003
Total posts: 24
From: Sherri
Date: 05-07-2003, 12:46 PM (15 of 19)
I don't know why everyone feels it has to be the mom who stays home. A lot of times here it is the dad who stays home (because of seasonal or shift work.) I just have more earning potential then my husband (being the one with the university degree) so I stayed home for a brief maternity leave (6 months with each) and my husband stayed home the rest of the time untill my dd was three. Now he works shift work so he is home 4 days out of eight and I am home 2 days out of 7. He definitely has the better deal. I would love to stay home that much but guess what someone has to pay the bills. We don't have a big house or new vehicle or a lot of trips or new clothes. We have heat and water and food and a small trailer that needs a new roof and insulation and kids who want to do activities that cost an arm and a leg and student loans and a mortgage. Basically we are paying for life not the extras.

Do I think my kids are any worse off because my husband is there more then me not really I think they are lucky to have a dad and a mom who know them as people. (my kids are 4 and 5)

Sherri
My website
User: Sherri
Member since: 02-07-2001
Total posts: 357
From: Aimee S
Date: 05-07-2003, 02:16 PM (16 of 19)
I have to weigh in again. I believe that there needs to be one parent at home. My hubby makes a great living. His sister makes the same amount. we have 4 kids and I dont work. they have one child and her hubby works. they say they cant make ends meet. the child goes to one grand ma in the morning and another grandma in the evening. the parents each work 10-12 hours a day. they have the same house payment and the same type of cars. though she has a mustang and I a van but for gas it is the same. She get 2 starbuck coffees aday at 5.00 a cup. She gets her hair done at the tune of 75 a week and nails to the tune of 40 a week. Me I took a class to do nails. I sat down with them and showed them that if her hubby stays at home with the child . the less gas for him to go to work. the eating out for every meal. the hair and nails and the coffee they would make 100.00 more a week with out his salary. her comment was that a man needs to support his family and they will both work til he can.

The child is left in a playpen all the time. the grandma's both believe the child should only be fed every 4 hours and she is fed brest milk. (sil will pump and not nurse) they only change the diaper on the baby every 4 hrs. they will not place the baby on her tummy. in a stroller they will not allow her to sit they make her lay down. Children's protective services has put the grandma's and sil and bil in parenting classes. if they miss one class the child will go into foster care. hubby says it will be us.

soorrrry to whine. but if that child does not get some stability and stopped being passed around she will be sooo messed up my heart breaks.
The more you disaprove, the more fun I am having!

http://photos.yahoo.com/aimeehs29
User: Aimee S
Member since: 02-23-2003
Total posts: 488
From: dregan
Date: 05-07-2003, 03:15 PM (17 of 19)
I think it's great your husband is there for the kids. Through the years when our children were smaller, we often worked opposite shifts, so that they were only at a sitter for several hours. We usually spent any free time together and with the kids. I have a 24, 22 yr. old boys, and a 19 yr. old girl and the close relationship they have with their father is truly special. I've always had to work every other weekend, and I remember when the kids wee 4, 2, and a baby, and Mark would dress them all up for church on Sunday when I worked. I think most people do what they got to do and hopefully parenting is very important part of their life whether they work or not.
Deb
User: dregan
Member since: 02-28-2003
Total posts: 24
From: dregan
Date: 05-07-2003, 03:20 PM (18 of 19)
Aimee,
I can understand how hard it must be to see the baby ignored so much, and it really is so sad how some children are brought up, but that can happen whether or not the parents work. I worked in an Addiction's Unit for about 8 yrs. , before OB, and it just made you sick to see the little children suffer so. Also, in OB, when parents don't even bring a blanket to take the baby home in. We'd do what we could and pray as we put them in cars with a hospital blanket knowing we wouldn't get it back. I know I've gotten way off the subject of sewing, and hope I'm not breaking any rules. This is the middle aged spread group, isn't it? Well, I can relate there, for sure. Good luck with your brother's family .
User: dregan
Member since: 02-28-2003
Total posts: 24
From: MaryW
Date: 05-07-2003, 04:04 PM (19 of 19)
Hi everyone. I can jump in here as well. I don't understand why these people want kids when they both work and pass the kids around like that. I think they want to do the "family" thing just because everyone does it.

dregan, post away. you haven't broken any rules. :bluesmile
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
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