Sew What’s Up Presents
The Sew What’s New Archive
This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and
quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was
retired in August 2007. It is being provided by
“Sew What’s Up,”
which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: Bama
Date: 04-26-2003, 07:51 PM (1 of 58)
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My son has always been my difficult child. My daughter has always been so sweet and well behaved. Since she turned 11 she's a little devil now.  She's soooo moody and sassy now. My mom says it's hormones. Sometimes it becomes pretty funny. It's hard not to laugh at what makes her have a fit. I try not to.I'm not used to this with her.  I dread age 13.  Anyone else out there wondering what happened to their  ?
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116 
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From: Reta J
Date: 04-26-2003, 08:25 PM (2 of 58)
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Bama, What you are experiencing is very normal (not pleasant) but normal. This is the age when well behaved young ladies and gentlemen turn into hormones with feet. They are changing younger and younger and due to outside pressures and stimulus they react sometimes very vocally and strongly. This is when you want to lock them behind very strong doors and not let them out for about 10 years. She is at the age where she is no longer a little girl, but not a woman. She wants to be both, but on her time, not yours. Just when you think she is becoming a young woman, she will want to be your baby again. However, when you THINK she wants to be your little girl, forget it, she is a young lady with her own opinions which will be expressed at the top of her lungs.I have survived, my daughters are now 21 and 18. Now if I can just survive the 15 year old son!!!! Hope this helps, Sewing Forever
Housework Whenever Reta J |
User: Reta J
Member since: 01-30-2002 Total posts: 136 
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From: Shellymoon
Date: 04-26-2003, 10:25 PM (3 of 58)
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My 10-year-old is turning moody on me. She pulled her first teenage "no one ever believes me" line yesterday. She's wearing a bra already and I'm just trying to chalk it all up to PMS. But, oh, how I miss those days when she ran around in diapers with that curly hair and fabulous smile. Is this really going to last another 8 years? Shelly Moon
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User: Shellymoon
Member since: 05-27-2001 Total posts: 240 |
From: MissMinx
Date: 04-27-2003, 06:28 AM (4 of 58)
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And it could be many more, I am afraid, Shellymoon...
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User: MissMinx
Member since: 02-14-2003 Total posts: 140 |
From: Sewing Oodles
Date: 04-27-2003, 08:27 AM (5 of 58)
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My daughter was an angel until she turned 18. Before then we couldn't get her to go anywhere or do anything. Then the 18th birthday. Hugz,
Cindy~Texas |
User: Sewing Oodles
Member since: 07-29-2002 Total posts: 69 
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From: MaryW
Date: 04-27-2003, 01:27 PM (6 of 58)
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This is all typical. I brought up two girls. There isn't much that will shock or surprise me anymore but I do sympathize greatly. Sewing Oodles, take a deep breath and think about what you are doing. I am not saying it isn't right, but don't do anything you might regret later. Stuff you do in the heat of the argument is often really stupid. Ask me how I know. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542 
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From: Raine
Date: 04-27-2003, 02:36 PM (7 of 58)
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Yep, Lori, it's hormones! Does she have her "middle school face" yet? I tease my daughter (just turned 12 last week) that all the kids must practice their middle school face at school. Now her response is always "I know, Mom" and she pretends she doesn't hear most of what I say. One night my son took a shower. He always puts a towel on the floor before he gets in the shower, because he makes such a mess. My daughter went in to take her shower after he had finished and started bawling. I went in there and asked "what's wrong". She said, "He took my towel and put it on the floor!!" I told her to get a clean towel out of the linen closet. She cried through her entire shower. Now that's a hormone rush!! Sewing Oodles, I feel for you. At that age, do you notice how every thing is not their fault. Locally, two boys robbed three banks in the past month, and the cops caught them on Friday. One boy said to reporters as he was being hauled to jail, "It wasn't that much money." Apparently, in his mind, it wasn't that big of deal. What's the world coming to? Raine |
User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259 
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From: Shellymoon
Date: 04-27-2003, 03:09 PM (8 of 58)
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My friend told me the reason God makes teenagers so miserable is it makes you glad to see them leave the house when they are grown. I'm already looking forward to the time when it will be just me and hubby again. Then, this morning at church, I see two brand new little baby girls and I'm all weepy that mine is growing so fast. I think the hormone rush isn't over yet. Guess we should pray and fast and then eat chocolate cake until they're out of the house. Shelly Moon
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User: Shellymoon
Member since: 05-27-2001 Total posts: 240 |
From: Bama
Date: 04-27-2003, 07:48 PM (9 of 58)
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Sewing Oodles, I feel for you. That sounds a little like my younger sister. She started acting that way as a teenager and still hasn't grown up. (She's 34 now) At least your daughter is only 18. Hopefully she will learn a lesson. My sister never did because my mom always bailed her out of everything. That's one thing I vow not to do with my kids. At some point they have to be responsible. My parents are FINALLY realizing this after having to raise my sister's daughter. Lots of hugs to you. My daughter was more normal today. She actually asked me to go bike riding with her.  Who knows what will happen in the morning when she's getting ready for school? Jeckyl and Hyde here now.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: eaglssong
Date: 04-28-2003, 07:54 AM (10 of 58)
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Hang in there ladies, Mine is now 35 and a mom herself, and guess what? I see her turning into ME!! Of course, I would never tell her that. I just laugh, every time she calls me (she's in NY and I'm in Florida), to tell me what awful thing one of the kids has done now..... especially our terrible two year old!! I especially love it when she complains that she told the little one to pick up her toys and put them in the toy box, and the little one very sweetly looks at her and says, "Mommy's turn." You know that Grandma's revenge everyone talks about? Well, I'm here to tell you........ REVENGE IS TRULY SWEET!! 
If it stands still, embroider it!!
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User: eaglssong
Member since: 04-23-2003 Total posts: 1 |
From: Sewing Oodles
Date: 04-28-2003, 08:21 AM (11 of 58)
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Well, I didn't throw her stuff out. I did want to. Hubby came home from work took one look at us and calmly stated that if we were on the same side the war in Iraq would have been over in a day. Smarty pants. Hubby then told me to go sew and told DD to clean her room and he would help her. He is such a softy. Together after one hour I could once again see the blue carpet. DD claims Dad laid on the bed and told her what to do and he claims she played on the computer and told him what to do. WHO CARES??? It got done. There is still work to be done in that black hole but at least it is safe to walk in there again. Thanks for letting me rant. Hugz,
Cindy~Texas |
User: Sewing Oodles
Member since: 07-29-2002 Total posts: 69
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From: MaryW
Date: 04-28-2003, 09:30 AM (12 of 58)
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Cindy, it's good to rant. Whenever you feel the need, feel free. I ranted every day over one daughter or the other. They drove me crazy when they were growing up.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: dmoses
Date: 04-28-2003, 10:14 AM (13 of 58)
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What a guy! Not many men are willing to come between two feuding family females, let alone have the wherewithal to make them both smile! I have a 12 year old daughter who is also 'changing in attitude'. Sometimes I can't stand to be in the same room with her! Take care,
Donna |
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002 Total posts: 964 
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From: VCMOM
Date: 04-28-2003, 01:50 PM (14 of 58)
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Wow do I feel better after reading these responses. Bama, your story is so much like mine. My son who is now 16 was very difficult to raise unti maybe age 14. He now has grown up so much and is a joy. My daughter on the other had was always a wonderful child. She just turned 13 and I'm beginning to wonder if aliens came down and put another person in her place. She is moody, crys often and thinks the world should revolve around her. She doesn't do anything she's asked or told to do. She has pushed about every button she can lately. I feel like pulling my hair out!!!! Lori |
User: VCMOM
Member since: 10-31-2002 Total posts: 74 |
From: Raine
Date: 04-28-2003, 03:47 PM (15 of 58)
Hi, Lori, welcome to the club!! I asked my daughter last night why she didn't put her dirty clothes in the laundry bag, and she said, "Because it bugs you if I don't!" Where did the little girl go who wanted to please us all the time???? 
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User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: plrlegal
Date: 04-28-2003, 03:50 PM (16 of 58)
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And just think girls, my mom raised 9 girls!!! The sad but true story about fathers and daughters is that fathers can be peacemakers between a mother and daughter because a father relates in a different way to his daughter than a mother does to her daughter. My dad never took our sides against our mother, he merely said in a calm speaking voice "you heard what your mother said." End of argument until of course, our dad was out of the house again. However, I do hear my nieces talk to their mothers sometimes in very disrespectful ways that my sisters and I were never allowed to talk to our mother. Not only did she not permit it, our father did not permit us to talk back or make hateful remarks to or aboout our mother. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: VCMOM
Date: 04-28-2003, 04:27 PM (17 of 58)
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This last weekend we spent the whole weekend at events for my daughter. The County 4-H Home Arts Day was Saturday and we had a volleyball tournament most of the day Sunday. When we got home and it was time to clean house, it was her job to clean the smallest bathroom in the house. She cleaned the toilet and mirror and left all the cleaners in the sink. When I inspected and told her to turn the TV off and get back in to clean the sink counter and vacuum she stomped in did it and went back to the TV. Checked again and she didn't put of the cleaners away. I turned the TV off again and told her to get up and take care of things. She grabbed the cleaners and thru them in the cupboard nocking everything down and then stomped off to her room. When I told her to come back and clean up she just started screaming. I made her clean up the mess but I felt like slapping her! Her Dad is gone a lot (firefighter) and I haven't anyone to buffer. When is this going to end???? My son cleaned a bigger bathroom and didn't even complain. He then asked me after her tantrum if he was that bad at that age. He then said if he was he was sorry! |
User: VCMOM
Member since: 10-31-2002 Total posts: 74 |
From: Bama
Date: 04-28-2003, 05:49 PM (18 of 58)
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Hi Lori, (I'm a Lori too ) My daughter cries alot too. For what seems like no reason. Then the next minute she's over it and laughing. Lately when I tell her to do something she acts like she didn't hear me and walks away. I cannot stand that. I start sounding like Bill Cosby, come here come here come here COME HERE.Her room is a pig pen most of the time. My son used to be the messy one, but he actually cleans his room every week now. At least that gives me some hope that my dd's moodiness won't last forever. And yes, Raine, I know about that middle school face. I tell her to go look in the mirror at how silly she looks.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Raine
Date: 04-28-2003, 07:30 PM (19 of 58)
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Lori, Stephanie does that, too. In fact, that's her usual response--just ignore me and walk away. We're going to be removing the wallpaper from their rooms this summer and repainting. I told them both that part of the deal is that they will keep their rooms clean and their beds made. DD says she doesn't have time to make her bed; I told her it takes a minute. She has a double bed, so when the bed's not made, the room really looks messy. And I'm sick of closing the door. Now I know why parents are so happy when their kids graduate!
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User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: Magot
Date: 04-29-2003, 09:57 AM (20 of 58)
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Mine are 19 and 16. It is normal to go through the "I'm testing things out how normal am I, and how much do they love me" stuff. Just hang in there and remember all the hard work you put in when they were younger will emerge again in time. Rememeber the Jesuits saying " give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man." That's when all the stuff goes in that they stick to. We still have crap all over the floor of the 19 year olds room, will still get sass from the 16 year old, but at least I know they are fully functioning,rational human beings - as much as teenagers are rational. (There was some research last year that showed that teens brains 'rewire' much the same as toddlers do when they are finding out who they are.) My daughter wrote this in her blog ( knowing I would read it) Awwww! Haha, that reminds me, the Mama-san cried when I gave her some daffodils, cuz I said that I loved her very much, and that I thought she had done a brilliant job of bringing me up. So, in order to make her even more emotional, here is an official Katī-sama announcment - MUM, YOU KICK ASS. SOMETIMES I MOAN ABOUT YOU - AND HEY, SOMETIMES YOU MOAN ABOUT ME, BUT I FIGURE WE HAVE A PRETTY DECENT RELATIONSHIP. I HOPE. STILL, I HAVE NO REAL COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOU AT ALL - I THINK BOTH YOU AND DAD ARE AWESOME PARENTS, AND I REALLY DO LOVE YOU A LOT, EVEN IF YOU INSIST UPON MAKING ME SIGN STUFF WHEN I'M TRYING TO SOMETHING ELSE*. BLAH. BASICALLY, PLEASE KEEP BEING YOU. ALL OTHER PARENTS ARE LAMEO WHEN THEY TRY TO ACT YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE, BUT YOU REALLY ARE STILL EIGHTEEN, SO THAT'S ALL SWEET. PLEASE GO STAND ON A BUCKET TO RECEIVE AN OFFICIAL 'KATĪ LOVES YOU' HUG. (SUPER RARE). > choke< love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: sewingrandma
Date: 04-29-2003, 11:00 AM (21 of 58)
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DH was a buffer between me and the girls and I was the buffer between him and our son. Our middle child, a daughter, was our biggest challenge. Seems like there was one battle after another from the time she turned 12. Chores, cleaning her room, participating with the family, curfews. You name it she rebelled. She turned out fine. Earned herself a full scholarship to college. Is currently a Naval Officier. Now that the nest is empty I really do miss them. When they come home for a visit, I love them and admire them and tell them how proud I am of all that they have done with their lives, and kiss them when they leave, cry again, then enjoy the peace and quiet.
Brockie
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User: sewingrandma
Member since: 03-06-2003 Total posts: 432 |
From: MaryW
Date: 04-30-2003, 08:44 AM (22 of 58)
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Life does continue on, doesn't it. Our kids were all rebellious to one degree or another. I must say though, my son Dave was and is an excellent son. He gave us the least amount of worry and concern. I really hope he doesn't see this post, he will gloat forever! My girls were difficult at times, but no worse than the others that were around at the time. I'm still happy to be all finished with that part of my life. I am so glad I was a young parent because it took a lot of energy to get thru it. I don't think I could handle two girls rebelling now. Well, I could but they would both be either tied up in a closet or reporting me to the authorities. LOL. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: plrlegal
Date: 04-30-2003, 01:56 PM (23 of 58)
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I just told my 15 year old niece in West Virginia not to talk to me again until she is at least 18 years old and acting like a human being again. LOL It's a good thing I'm not her mother right now. I'd be like Mary, she'd either be tied up in a closet, have her mouth duct taped shut or calling the authorities on me. She made the mistake of telling her mother she wished she would just shut up because she was tired of listening to her one day in the car on the way to the orthodontist. Needles to say when they arrived at the orthodontist's office my sister had to explain to the orthodontist why Eryn's mouth was bleeding slightly. My sister felt really bad about slapping her in the mouth but Eryn has not told her to mother shut up any more either. She's 15 and a real pain right now. Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: dave
Date: 05-02-2003, 06:49 AM (24 of 58)
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Originally posted by MaryW Life does continue on, doesn't it. Our kids were all rebellious to one degree or another. I must say though, my son Dave was and is an excellent son. He gave us the least amount of worry and concern. I really hope he doesn't see this post, he will gloat forever! My girls were difficult at times, but no worse than the others that were around at the time. I'm still happy to be all finished with that part of my life. I am so glad I was a young parent because it took a lot of energy to get thru it. I don't think I could handle two girls rebelling now. Well, I could but they would both be either tied up in a closet or reporting me to the authorities. LOL. from what I remember you're really understating things with my sisters. I'm lucky I survived moms cooking :p
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User: dave
Member since: 02-21-2003 Total posts: 57 |
From: LeapFrog Libby
Date: 05-02-2003, 02:18 PM (25 of 58)
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Mary , you were right again.. He saw...Maybe he understood that this is not the time to gloat...I think he can be very good.(when he wants to be)
Sew With Love
Libby |
User: LeapFrog Libby
Member since: 05-01-2002 Total posts: 2022 
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From: MaryW
Date: 05-22-2003, 06:07 PM (26 of 58)
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Maybe he is one man who knows when to keep his mouth shut. LOL.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: MaryW
Date: 05-23-2003, 08:26 AM (27 of 58)
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So, to get back to the topic at hand. What are you girls doing with these kids that have hit puberty. The moodiness, lazy, sloppy, smart talking. How do you handle it? Do you do a lot of head shaking and looking the other way or do you get into an argument every time it happens? When my girls hit that stage, we fought constantly. I couldn't keep my mouth shut and neither could they. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Raine
Date: 05-23-2003, 12:06 PM (28 of 58)
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Last night, my son (Age 9) was bored before supper, so I asked him to clean the entertainment center. So he cleaned both the wood and glass, and asked if he could clean the bay window too. (Of course, I said go ahead and have fun! ) Meanwhile, my daughter (Age 12) sets the table (with an attitude) and takes the trash to the curb. My son is running downstairs to clean the coffee table, all the while with a great attitude about it all. After he vacuumed, I gave him $2 in front of my daughter and told him how great it was that he did all of his chores with a smile on his face. She was pouting this morning about the money, and I didn't back down. I just told her how much he had done. And she starts the day whining about her clothes and how nothing is clean. (I've done laundry on Monday and yesterday.) She was going to wear a dirty shirt to school. I think I'll make up a list of additional chores for her to do this weekend (including laundry). I really don't remember being like this as a pre-teen. For one thing, my dad wouldn't have allowed it. We knew when to shut up.
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User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: Bama
Date: 05-23-2003, 08:28 PM (29 of 58)
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Raine, that sounds sooooo familiar. I've learned to base their allowance on what they've done to deserve it. They still can't understand why sometimes they get only part of it (or nothing ) after they hurry and clean their rooms up the day before my pay day. Lately my dd has been nicer to be around. Must be because school is out. She did have a little tantrum the other day though. She's mad at me because I have never let her get her ears pierced. "But ALL my friends have THEIR ears pierced!" I tried to make a deal with her. If her room stays clean for 30 days, I'll take her to get her ears pierced. She said she didn't think she could do it.  She must not want earrings as bad as she thought she did.
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User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Raine
Date: 05-23-2003, 09:27 PM (30 of 58)
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Sounds like a fair deal to me, Lori! I think I'd faint if their rooms were clean for a month. Matt says he likes his room when it's a mess. She's in even deeper trouble tonight. When she was at school, I discovered that she had pulled clothes out of the dryer to look for a pair of socks this morning. (She's the sock queen. Nothing ever feels right!! ) One of my rules is "if you open up the dryer, you fold the entire load". So tomorrow she has to iron her Dad's wrinkled shirts and pants. You wanna come and watch???  May the force be with you!! Raine |
User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: plrlegal
Date: 05-23-2003, 10:49 PM (31 of 58)
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Hang in their Raine and Bama and stand your ground with them. And, I do think girls are much more difficult going through their teen years than boys. At least my nieces have been. The girls seem to think they should be treated like little princesses with a squadron of minions to wait upon their every whim. Guess what little girls, life ain't like that! Patsy Patsy
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User: plrlegal
Member since: 05-19-2001 Total posts: 318 |
From: Shellymoon
Date: 05-24-2003, 12:58 PM (32 of 58)
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I am so glad to hear that other folks have some of the same problems with their pre-teens and teens as I do. Mine is so emotional it's making me and her daddy crazy. We've learned to go in our room and lock the door. That drives her nuts! Also, grandma lives close enough that we can send her away for the weekend when we can't stand it any longer. But the real bummer was when my brother was visiting recently and said she is acting just like I did at her age. Ouch. That really hurt! Shelly Moon
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User: Shellymoon
Member since: 05-27-2001 Total posts: 240 |
From: Magot
Date: 05-24-2003, 01:17 PM (33 of 58)
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I like the idea that you go to your room instead of sending her! Stick to your guns,when you say yes, it stays yes, and no is no. If it's not life threatening, learn to compromise and gradually give them more responsibility - always with actions come consequences. A useful phrase to use is Maybe...and. Scerario: room to be tidied by set time, finds daughter listening to CD's "I asked you to tidy your room" "Duh! I AM tidying my room" "Maybe you were tidying your room and I would like it finish before dinner" (refusal to relinquish dinner until room is tidy is moot) Avoid getting into arguements over pointless things and keep stating what you want to happen. It is your house, they live under your rules! Parent Power! love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
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From: MaryW
Date: 05-24-2003, 03:31 PM (34 of 58)
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Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Magot
Date: 05-24-2003, 05:13 PM (35 of 58)
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Ain't that the truth, still ya gotta try!
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
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From: MaryW
Date: 05-24-2003, 05:46 PM (36 of 58)
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Oh, I know. My grandson is just now starting to show signs. Brought back all those memories. But, I have to say, I don't get so upset this time. I have to chuckle sometimes.
MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Shellymoon
Date: 05-24-2003, 07:18 PM (37 of 58)
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I've heard it said that before children most people have three theories about raising them. After the children are boren, the theories drop down to two-fast and pray! A friend recently told me that having more than two children requires a change in parenting styles. According to her, the arrival of a third child means the parents are officially outnumbered and must switch to zone defense. She is soooooo right. Shelly p.s. going to our room works great. It gives me time alone with my husband, who is much easier going and can let most things she does just slide right off. We've already got cable TV, a tiny table for two and a bathroom in there. Maybe we can add a fridge and a microwave and hold up until she's 20. Shelly Moon
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User: Shellymoon
Member since: 05-27-2001 Total posts: 240 |
From: MissMinx
Date: 05-26-2003, 04:24 AM (38 of 58)
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You've got the right idea, Shellymoon! Perfect!
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User: MissMinx
Member since: 02-14-2003 Total posts: 140 |
From: MaryW
Date: 05-27-2003, 11:47 AM (39 of 58)
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Shelley, you only have the one. I had 3 teenagers at one time. Talk about raging hormones. The moods were something else, we learned to ignore most of it, stand our ground for what we knew was right and deal with the rest. Not easy. Pre-teens and teenagers are more work and worry than babies or toddlers. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Shellymoon
Date: 05-27-2003, 01:39 PM (40 of 58)
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AMEN to that! Now I understand why God gave me only one. It's all I could handle. I have a lot more respect now for my parents who had three teenagers and a preschooler in the house all at one time. My father was in the Air FOrce at the time. I bet he prayed for a war so he could get deployed and run away from the war at home.
Shelly Moon
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User: Shellymoon
Member since: 05-27-2001 Total posts: 240 |
From: MaryW
Date: 05-27-2003, 02:47 PM (41 of 58)
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LOL. I bet he did too. There were lots of times when our kitchen was a war zone. My two daughters went at each other one time and ......................well, let's just say I swept up buttons that afternoon. I can laugh now, but it wasn't funny at the time. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Pudge99
Date: 06-03-2003, 12:42 PM (42 of 58)
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I just popped over to this board to ask you ladies for some words of wisdom with my 10 yr old and here was this post. She is giving me greif about going to all my 2 yr olds doctor appointments this summer. When do you ladies think is an acceptable age to leave a child home alone for 3 or more hours at a time? That was my original question but after reading all the posts I came up with more questions. We are getting to that argument stage and I am not married to her father. My husband now has been in her life since she was 3. She still has contact with my first husband. When we get into arguments her standard answer is "I want to go live in IL"(where her father lives). This is really not a safe option for her because she has Asthma and her father refuses to stop smoking. So my question here is how do I respond to that one? She also ocasionally throws out the "Your not my real father." My husband normally responds with something along the lines of a real father is the one who takes care of you, and loves you, etc..... Not in a way that says he is better than other dad just that what he does for her makes him real. I worry because we don't have the typical family life that we will miss out on the "Daddy" that can fix it all that everyone has been talking about. Please help me ladies if you can. Gina
Gina
Pictures of my successes and failures Pfaff 2040 Janome Mylock 134D Singer Futura CE-100 w/ Autopunch Husqvarna Viking 3D Sketch |
User: Pudge99
Member since: 10-30-2001 Total posts: 1375 |
From: Bama
Date: 06-03-2003, 02:34 PM (43 of 58)
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Hi Gina, I know it must be hard when your daughter says she wants to go live with her "real" dad. My niece used to try that one with my parents. (They are raising her). She's almost 16 now, and NOW she realizes just who took care of her the most. She even wrote an essay about it at school. They were supposed to write about their family and she wrote that her "Nanny and Granddad" were her parents because they take care of her, even though she does have a biological mom and dad. She realizes now it just wouldn't have worked out to live with either of her "real" parents. If it's really not an option for your daughter to live with her dad, tell her why. Let her know you're doing what's best for her. As for letting your daughter stay home alone, I'm not sure about that one. My daughter is 11, and I don't allow her to stay by herself. I just don't think she's responsible enough yet. My son is 14 and he does stay home alone sometimes. Letting my dd stay home with her brother is not an option because they fight too much. Soooo... I also get complaining from my daughter whenever I have to take her with me somewhere. I can usually work it out with her by telling her that if she wants me to do something for her, like taking her to the mall or letting a friend spend the night, then she'll have to go with me without complaining. I've always had a heck of a time with her when I want to go to the fabric store, but now I always go there first and she knows that if she complains about it, we won't stop at Wal-mart or go out for lunch, or whatever it is that she wants to do that day. It also helps when I tell her about how much time I plan to spend somewhere. |
User: Bama
Member since: 03-21-2000 Total posts: 2116
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From: Reta J
Date: 06-03-2003, 02:58 PM (44 of 58)
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Dear Gina, I didn't let my daughters stay by themselves til one was 13, they other waited til she was 14 (she was a little immature at the time, but by the time she was 14, she could handle it) Our son is 15 and there are still some times we don't leave him. (Growing pains, hormones and internet don't mix). Make sure you have internet blocked or remove phone cable and take with you, so she can't get on. Use parental control on tv if you have one, most cable companies and satellite companies have them included in your basic subscription. As for the "you aren't my father" routine, well if he was her father, then the line would be, "but mom lets me or mom said i could". It is the simple thing all kids do called divide and conquer. They will try and set you 2 against or play you against her biological father using the "step" father (i hate that word so for the rest of this post he will be known as "dad"). She will start an argument with dad in hopes you will side with her and when you don't she wants biological father. (sounds right?) Let her know in very certain terms that she WILL live with you til she is 18. She WILL respect her dad. You and your husband will need to make sure you are on the same page for every conflict. If she thinks she has you 2 disagreeing on something, she has won. As for you not being a typical family, according to census, you are the typical family. Now to some good news, my oldest daughter is now 21 years old and sent me an e-mail a few months ago, calling me the "Worse Mother Possible". In the e-mail it stated that since I wouldn't let her have the desert before the vegies, wouldn't let her run to a car with a boy in it honking their horn, but i made him come in and meet the family, since I wouldn't let her watch all the trash on tv, that i made her keep her room picked up, do chores, act like a lady, go to church with the family, etc..... that I was the worse mother ever and she was better off and very happy about it and she wouldn't change her childhood for anything. Hope this helps, Sewing Forever
Housework Whenever Reta J |
User: Reta J
Member since: 01-30-2002 Total posts: 136
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From: jennifer007
Date: 06-03-2003, 04:23 PM (45 of 58)
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Ok I just had to respond to the last one! My 12 yr old son has been having a difficult time with Hormones lately! For Christmas, we gave him a used laptop for writing (aspiring writer, pretty good for his age too!). Well a few months later, he has lost all rights to his laptop and is no longer allowed to touch a computer unless it is at school! lol I should have thought about bringing the phone cords with me! No one ever talks about those cute babies turning into something you wish could be returned because it spoiled! I hope the girls aren't worse than the boys, it sure is bad with just one going through this! Jennifer |
User: jennifer007
Member since: 05-22-2003 Total posts: 29 
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From: Raine
Date: 06-03-2003, 07:10 PM (46 of 58)
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Yes, a friend of mine said "Isn't it too bad when it gets to the point where you're looking forward to their graduation?" Gina, besides all of the other great suggestions, I would also talk to your daughter about how much she's hurting her stepdad's feelings when she talks like that. As for the staying home alone, it really depends on the child and their maturity. My daughter is 12, and she's such an extrovert, she doesn't want to stay home!! My friend has a son, also 12, who's an "idea man", so she doesn't let him stay home alone very often because who knows what he'll do!! After school let out, my dd was telling me about a classmate of hers who is watching a two-year-old (not her sibling) for the summer all by herself! Good luck! Remember--this, too, shall pass! |
User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: Pudge99
Date: 06-03-2003, 07:33 PM (47 of 58)
I was really hoping someone would come on and say 10 is the perfect age to leave at home. Somehow though I knew I wouldn't get that answer. Any body have suggestions on how to keep her occupied during the long waits in the dr office? I always carry crayons and paper for 5 yr old and 2 yr old but she informed me that those are "boring". Do you think it would be spoiling her to bring my laptop and let her play on that? She likes to read but even that gets boring after an hour or so. I hate making her spend her summer in the dr office but my 2 yr old has several appointments in June, at least one a week. She is having surgery on her eye tomorrow. I'll be staying home with the other kids for that while daddy take two year old in, but then it is back to the doctor for all the surgery follow-ups. Thanks everyone for your advice and keep it coming please. Gina
Gina
Pictures of my successes and failures Pfaff 2040 Janome Mylock 134D Singer Futura CE-100 w/ Autopunch Husqvarna Viking 3D Sketch |
User: Pudge99
Member since: 10-30-2001 Total posts: 1375 |
From: dmoses
Date: 06-03-2003, 10:04 PM (48 of 58)
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Gina, Is there somewhere else where she can go on those days...YMCA, a friend's house, a neighbour's house, etc. where there is adult supervision? Or maybe you could get an older neighbour teenager to stay at home with her. If you do take her with you to the doctor's office, you can put together a 'survival kit'. Books, travel games, puzzles, drawing materials, crafts(yoyos???), etc. That should get her through the first appointment.
Take care,
Donna |
User: dmoses
Member since: 02-22-2002 Total posts: 964
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From: Raine
Date: 06-03-2003, 10:50 PM (49 of 58)
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How about taking along some "tunes"? Does she have a portable cassette, radio or cd player? Teach her some card games. Start a diary or journal. Check with her friends' mothers. Can you trade "baby"sitting time? I'm sure they would be very understanding, especially when you are all going to doctor's appointments. Also check in your area for free or low-cost summer programs or Bible schools. We found a summer program last year that both of my kids could go to in August. It was a lifesaver! Lots of fun computer activities, field trips; they even tie-dyed shirts. Good luck! |
User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: Magot
Date: 06-04-2003, 03:51 AM (50 of 58)
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So much depends on your child's maturity and good old fashioned common sense as to when you leave them at home. I would leave a 10 year old for a set time (under an hour) but have found that open ended timing ( as it can be for a Doctors apponitment) is too scarey. Imagine how you feel when they say they will be back at a certain time and they are 15 minutes late - in those 15 mins you die a 1000 deaths. It is the same for them, I thought my youngster (12) was very capable but got held up and when I got back she had been through all sorts of scenarios in her mind and worried herself sick. I would go for the friend to play with at their house option, failing that walkman, gameboy,palmtop etc etc, and yes, if you have games, let her use your laptop. Sounds like your second husband is doing a really good job! love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626
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From: MaryW
Date: 06-04-2003, 06:43 AM (51 of 58)
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Pudge, your family is no different than any other. That piece of paper known as a marriage certificate makes no difference to your daughter when she is arguing. First of all, I agree with Bama. Let her know why she can't go with her Dad. If he is smoking, then her staying with him is not an option. End of discussion. Some kids are more mature at 12 than a few adults I know. Others need more time. My grandson stays alone for a few hours during the day or after supper. We are usually home around 7-8 pm. He is fine with that. I wouldn't leave her alone at 10. It is a lot of give and take. My grandson knows if he wants a special treat, he better do his chores and behave. If he gets something special or extra, he needs to earn it with patience or effort. Not easy, but they have to learn. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Shellymoon
Date: 06-04-2003, 05:29 PM (52 of 58)
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Pudge-I was the daughter who always wanted to go off and live with my "real dad." Well, eventually, my mother let me do it. Found out that dad had the same rules as mom after about a month. I think it helped me get over the Disneyland Dad syndrome that so often occurs on short visits. At the time my mother let me go, my father was living in another country, so it wasn't just simply a matter of coming home when I got mad. As for stepdad, there should be no discussion. She should be expected to respect him-period. This was how my parents handled my relationship with my steps and it worked out well for us, although it wasn't always easy. I am also struggling with the whole staying home alone thing. A friend of mine started letting her daughter stay at home for 30 minute stretches when she was 10. Each time, she would give the girl my phone number ( I was their neighbor and a stay-at-home mom at that time) and called to let me know Jeanie would be home by herself and would be calling in case of a catastrophe. I think my 10-year-old is ready for some short times at home alone now but my hubby doesn't so we'll wait until he's ready. As for what to do during a long wait, I agree that the music is a good thing. Also, get her a stash of puzzle books (my youngster likes word search and crosswords) and keep plenty of change for the snack machines. Let her take younger sibs on a walk down the corridor. It might also help to call ahead and see how long the wait is going to be. And, finally, just remember that there are going to be times that nothing you do makes them happy. At least that's my experience. Shelly Moon
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User: Shellymoon
Member since: 05-27-2001 Total posts: 240 |
From: Raine
Date: 06-04-2003, 07:48 PM (53 of 58)
| I agree. My son was complaining this winter that he had to come along to his sister's piano lessons. I explained to him that she had sat through many of his hockey practices and games, and it was payback time. Eventually, he was happy as long as he had a toy or book along. And I usually had a small package of candy or gum in my purse. |
User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: Pudge99
Date: 06-04-2003, 11:51 PM (54 of 58)
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I wish there was a friends house she could go to. We just moved here last August. I send her to a Catholic school that is a thirty minute drive from my house. So none of her friends live close by. She hasn't made any friends in the neighborhood yet. Neither have I. I am really freaky about who I leave my kids with. I have to know someone for a very long time before I would trust them with my precious little ones. As for the YMCA or other youth programs I just don't know where to look. San Antonio is a huge city, I still get lost weekly. Plus we just don't have the money this year. The Survival Kit sounds like a great idea. I have them for the little ones. I just don't know what to put in one for her. Maybe I'll take her to the dollar store and let her pick out what kind of puzzle books and stuff she wants in it. Thanks, Gina
Gina
Pictures of my successes and failures Pfaff 2040 Janome Mylock 134D Singer Futura CE-100 w/ Autopunch Husqvarna Viking 3D Sketch |
User: Pudge99
Member since: 10-30-2001 Total posts: 1375 |
From: Raine
Date: 06-05-2003, 03:19 PM (55 of 58)
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Has she tried cross stitch yet? Buy one of those little kits for kids. Even if you've never done it, they're really simple. Donna had a great suggestion--teach her how to make yo-yos; that would be great hand sewing practice. How about gel pens and black paper, word searches, card games? |
User: Raine
Member since: 04-19-2000 Total posts: 259
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From: MaryW
Date: 06-05-2003, 03:36 PM (56 of 58)
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Pudge, what do you think about sending your child to a school that isn't in the local neighbourhood? I am wondering if it is worth it, the kids have a problem with friends sometimes. There is a family across the street, they send their girls to Catholic school. Seems they end up with 2 sets of friends, one for school, one for home. My daughter is sending my grandson to school in my area, that is where he started, now they have moved, he has different friends after school. MaryW
owner/editor of Sew Whats New |
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005 Total posts: 2542
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From: Shellymoon
Date: 07-07-2003, 12:11 AM (57 of 58)
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My daughter went to private school for 7 years. (She is going to public school for the first time this fall). The last private school she went to attracted families from four communities, so it was a hassle getting her to and from all those kid's houses. Add to that, my kid had a set of friends from church too. So, here I was driving practically cross-country just to take her to a birthday party. We are looking forward to making some friends in our own neighborhood who attend school with her. Luckily, our city's soccer league is set up by neighborhood, so most of the little Carrollton Grasshoppers go to the school she'll be going to this fall. We've only lived in our current neighborhood for a year and she hasn't made many friends on this street yet. Maybe that will all change and we can walk to birthday parties? She is still buddies with kids from her previous schools too, so I don't see that happening all the time just yet. And Pudge, don't feel bad about San Antonio. That's how I felt about Dallas right at first. Now, 7 years later when I get lost, I just tell my daughter we're going on an "exploratory mission into uncharted territory." Being a writer, I always see something interesting that I shelve away in my memory for that novel. Some neighborhoods are more interesting than others, however.... Shelly Moon
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User: Shellymoon
Member since: 05-27-2001 Total posts: 240 |
From: weB2cats
Date: 08-20-2003, 03:21 PM (58 of 58)
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Wow. You may be lucky that your daughters didn't act up til 10 or 12. My daughter is 7 1/2 and for the most part, she's very nice but there are times when she's a reall troll. I blame a lot of it on TV-the bratz dolls, and those spolied pre-teens comments like, "Talk to the hand, cause' the ears stopped listening". I've been practicing one-liner comebacks, like a standup comedian. Rodney Dangerfield would have his work cut out for him here. She has become Little Miss Popularity at school and is a kind of ring leader. I've asked her what good is it to be cute and have nice clothes, etc., if she is so sarcastic. The Little Princess attitude will likely repel classmates instead of drawing them to you. So, she will accomplish the opposite effect of what she'd like. When she gets a little bit too big for her britches, I suggest that we attend church 2X/week instead of one. That usually quiets her down and alters her attitude a bit. As far as her bedroom (and the living room) being cluttered with toys, clothes, etc., we have come up with a plan to weekly look over stuff she no longer uses and put it into one of those large plastic containers w/lid. This is "saved" for her 3 year old cousin. It seldoms makes it to the cousin's as her mother has too much clutter, too. But it makes my daughter more willing to give things away. The toys go to the beach cabin so Grandma has a box of toys to distribute when they come to visit (especially all sand toys, race cars, train tracks, Candyland (glad to see that game go!) and other items. This has worked very well for us. Rules and regulations are discussed-the concept being that even though she lives here like me, there are obvious no-no's in a community living environment. Now, if I could just get her to voluntarily comply...
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User: weB2cats
Member since: 11-07-2002 Total posts: 232 |
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