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The Sew What’s New Archive
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From: sewnfrenzy
Date: 05-19-2003, 07:25 PM (1 of 8)
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Wanna know why women are so cranky???? We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time, which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it's off to Motherhood, where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us, steadily kicking our innards night and day, making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10 ) good pushes," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb. bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while hubby had it somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place). Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks......Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex."? Yeah right. Bite me. So much Fabric, so little time.
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User: sewnfrenzy
Member since: 11-06-2001 Total posts: 39 |
From: MissMinx
Date: 05-20-2003, 07:43 AM (2 of 8)
I LOVE IT!!!    all of these and more...
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User: MissMinx
Member since: 02-14-2003 Total posts: 140 |
From: DorothyL
Date: 05-20-2003, 08:52 AM (3 of 8)
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Are we having a rough day, Dear? Dorothy |
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002 Total posts: 3883 |
From: MissMinx
Date: 05-20-2003, 09:05 AM (4 of 8)
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No, Dear, just the usual.....
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User: MissMinx
Member since: 02-14-2003 Total posts: 140 |
From: ReenieBess
Date: 05-27-2003, 07:12 PM (5 of 8)
| Love it! NO--she's NOT just feeling cranky! heehee |
User: ReenieBess
Member since: 03-29-2003 Total posts: 11 |
From: Magot
Date: 05-27-2003, 11:30 PM (6 of 8)
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What I can't work out is why the hair disappears from my legs and reappears on my chin? I waxed my moustache for the first time last week - 3 rounds with Mike Tyson? Bee stung lips? - that's it, there is NO WAAAAAAAY I am gong for the bikini line. ( for interests sake, I mascara-ed my 'tache to see whatI'd look like. Scarey! My brother was looking back at me out of the mirror - that was it - it had to go!) 
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: Mother in Law
Date: 05-28-2003, 12:44 AM (7 of 8)
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ROFL Oh I have to make copies of that cute little essay. It's so true. But you left something out. The thing about the peeing when you sneeze. It don't go away when you have the baby. It seems to get worse and then after all these years of waiting for menopause and not having to wear a Kotex when you don't get your period anymore, you find out you have to wear a Poise Pad instead. We never get a break do we girls? Hugs Susie |
User: Mother in Law
Member since: Total posts: |
From: MissMinx
Date: 05-28-2003, 07:01 AM (8 of 8)
It’s all so true… the pads, the moustache, the jowls, the bellies… the whole hog! Did someone ever mention somewhere that God was a Woman??? Haaa…. 
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User: MissMinx
Member since: 02-14-2003 Total posts: 140 |
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