Sew What’s Up Presents

The Sew What’s New Archive

This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”

Sew What's New Archive > JOKES AND QUIPS > groaning time..

From: Magot

Date: 12-28-2005, 05:20 AM (1 of 8)

If a wolf can take down a deer from either side - does that make him Bamidextrous?

love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.

User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626

From: DorothyL

Date: 12-28-2005, 07:39 AM (2 of 8)

They are getting worse.
Dorothy

User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883

From: Magot

Date: 12-28-2005, 08:35 AM (3 of 8)

There are always more....
It's little known that William Shakespeare, as well as writing, also enjoyed a good game of rubgy in his spare time.
So, the team is assembled for practice one Saturday afternoon. It's the middle of winter, and even for England, it's cold and it's wet. The pitch is a muddy swamp, and the players decide that they simply can't play in these conditions.
So they go to the club-house for a bit, but they very quickly get bored. And then one of the players has a bright idea: Why don't we all go over to William's house? William Shakespeare is doubtful, but they persuade him, and pretty soon, the whole squad is relaxing in his living room.
Well, they're rugby players, and true to the stereotype, they all quickly get drunk, and of course, they come up with the even better idea - of having their rugby practice in the house ("well, it's a big house, after all"). William has also been drinking, so he's easy to persuade this time, and after moving some furniture out of the way, they get down to the serious business of practicing their sport.
Meanwhile, not far away, the King has just had a great idea for a play, and dispatches a messenger to summon his favorite playwrite.
Well, the messenger arrives at the house, and he can hear this enormous commotion from inside, with shouting and crashes, and he thinks that William Shakespeare must be getting attacked. He braces himself, and crashes through the front door... and lands directly in the path of two groups of large hairy rugby players.
The messenger is pinned to the floor for a while, and he can't move. He does manage to free himself momentarily, before getting trapped again, up against a wall. Finally, he escapes, and returns to the palace as quickly as his mangled body will allow.
The king takes one look at him, and gasps. "What happened to you?" he asks.
"I think," said the messenger, "that I got caught between a ruck and a bard's place."

love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.

User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626

From: DorothyL

Date: 12-28-2005, 08:39 AM (4 of 8)

That's a lot of typing for such a sorry punchline.
Dorothy

User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883

From: Magot

Date: 12-28-2005, 01:18 PM (5 of 8)

Are you casting nasturshams? For shame forsooth Dorothy!

One of my favourite lines in "O come all ye faithfull" is
"Come, let us thither bend our joyful footsteps!" and I can't stop saying it for weeks... along with "Fain, I would embrace thee!"

love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.

User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626

From: Chrysantha

Date: 12-28-2005, 09:50 PM (6 of 8)

"shot in the heart and you're to blame...you give jokes...a bad name...."

hahahahahahahahaha....::gasp:: You just can't resist...can ya... :bg: