Date: 01-08-2006, 04:42 AM (1 of 5)
The excert from the Times on Line
The Times January 06, 2006
Warning: department of labelling may contain nuts
By Will Pavia
THE “may contain nuts” warning on peanut packets has long caused much derision, along with “may cause drowsiness” on sleeping pill boxes, but Britain’s label writers have not been resting on their laurels.
When the consumer magazine Which? asked readers to spot examples of curious labels, it received a vast collection of quixotic and bravely illogical product descriptions.
International Yacht Varnish comes in a tin decorated with a ship’s wheel, that speaks of the hardy polishing that must go on at sea. In the fine print purchasers were warned: “Not suitable for marine use.”
Which? was incredulous. “Never have we seen a label that so badly failed to describe what was in the tin,” it said.
“This yacht varnish is suitable for interior items such as bannisters. Do many people keep yachts indoors?”
Label designers at Sainsbury’s felt equally unconstrained by the exact nature of their product. Its packets of Scotch pancakes bore a picture of blueberries and the line: “I love juicy blueberries.”
Which? reader Sheila Brady decided that these must be blueberry pancakes. In fact they were plain. “I love juicy blueberries” was not a description of the contents but rather a chance for the supermarket to state its feelings for juicy blueberries.
Then there was a card made for the occasion of a two-year-old’s birthday, complete with a fluffy number “2” on the front, by London firm ZZ Designs.
The recipient would have to wait another year before being allowed near it. “This card is not a toy,” the packaging said. “Not suitable for children under 3 years.”
Some label makers followed the “may contain nuts” tradition and did not neglect to state the obvious. Panasonic torches were to be “used in the dark for brightness”. Shoppers who bought Puma trainers were reassured by a sign on the box: “Average contents: 2”.
Which? was curious. “We can’t help musing whether Puma has a helpline to link those who got one shoe with the lucky ones who got three.”
Contradictory labelling is also alive and well. Tuc crackers were able to be both “original” and have a “new improved recipe”. Cracker consumers were no better off than the buyers of a mozzarella salad bagel. They should “keep (it) refrigerated” according to the makers, and at the same time “avoid the fridge”.
Sometimes it was the label writers who were in a quandary. How to sell Penta bottled water for £1.50 a bottle? The answer was an entirely new take on the common habit of drinking water.
“You can use Penta to enjoy what we call Bio-Hydration: optimal cellular hydration that will help your body combat the negative effects of 21st century living and help your brain to stay more alert all day long.”
If that sounds complicated, don’t worry. Penta is “easy to drink”.
Which? called it “very expensive pseudoscience”.
Finally, there were labels that challenged consumers’ understanding of the natural world. There was the “oven ready half wild rabbit” — buyers wondered what the other half was — and Waitrose Jarlsberg cheese, which buyers might have thought was made from cow’s milk.
They were mistaken, according to the label. “Norway’s clear mountain streams and pristine pastures produce the milk,” it read.
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly
Child’s Superman outfit
Do not turn upside down
On bottom of a tiramisu
Warning: Not intended for use as a dental drill
Household DIY drill
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
This product moves when used
Use this door only when entering/exiting
An office door in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
love and kisses, Jan
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
Date: 01-08-2006, 06:11 AM (2 of 5)
"onward through the fog"
Member since: 10-25-2002
Total posts: 282
Date: 01-08-2006, 08:53 AM (3 of 5)
It doesn't top my favorite label.
I bought one of those big plastic bins at Walmart (before I quit shopping at Walmart). I brought it home and was ready to fill it up. When I took off the top there was one of those NO circles with a line through it with a picture of a baby.
Darn, now why wasn't that on the label. I bought the darn thing to store babies in. I had to put the babies back in their old box and put fabric in the new one.
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883
From: Mom of Six
Date: 01-08-2006, 10:06 AM (4 of 5)
Some from Michigan:The contest, now in its ninth year, is conducted by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, M-LAW, to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products.
HEAT GUN THAT WARNS: “DO NOT USE AS HAIRDRYER” WINS TOP PRIZE IN M-LAW’S NINTH ANNUAL WACKY WARNING LABEL CONTEST
A heat gun and paint remover that produces temperatures of 1,000 degrees and warns users, “Do not use this tool as a hair dryer” has been identified as the nation’s wackiest warning label in M-LAW’s annual Wacky Warning Label Contest.
For those people who aren’t “the sharpest knife in the drawer.” The $250 second place award went to Jam Sardar of Grand Rapids, Michigan for a label on a kitchen knife that warns: “Never try to catch a falling knife.”
“Hurry up, bartender! I’m late for the regatta.” The $100 third place award goes to Alice Morgan of La Junta, Colorado who found a very wacky warning on a cocktail napkin. The napkin has a map of the waterways around Hilton Head, South Carolina printed on it along with this: “Caution: Not to be used for navigation.”
And don’t eat the yellow snow, either. Kirk Dunham of Seabrook, Texas gets an honorable mention for a warning label he found on a bottle of dried bobcat urine made to keep rodents and other pests away from garden plants. It says: “Not for human consumption.”
But will it get cold in the refrigerator? Another honorable mention goes to Lyne Anton of Elk, California who found the following warning label on a baking pan: “Ovenware will get hot when used in oven.”
Happiness is having time to sew!!
User: Mom of Six
Member since: 11-03-2001
Total posts: 1115
Date: 01-11-2006, 12:51 PM (5 of 5)
I have used a number of map makers online...MapQuest, Yahoo Maps you name it...whatever I went to first was where I got my map from. Most of the time I would just look at the map, perhaps print it and ignore the directions cause they are so confusing to read anyway.
Just last week I was printing some maps off Yahoo Maps and clicked the "Printable Version" to get JUST the map. After it printed I set it down and went to print something else. I noticed something below the map I printed and read it. I started laughing because it was so rediculous. I even had to read it to my husband who was wondering why I was laughing and he just shook his head. Here is what it says:
When using any driving directions or map, it's a good idea to do a reality check and make sure the road still exists, watch out for construction, and follow all traffic safety precautions. This is only to be used as an aid in planning.
Are they SERIOUS!!
Member since: 07-27-2005
Total posts: 106
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