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The Sew What’s New Archive

This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”

Sew What's New Archive > JOKES AND QUIPS > Getting Older

From: Mom of Six

Date: 01-19-2006, 10:11 AM (1 of 4)

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising... I decided
to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped
up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.
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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
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A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says,"Doc, I want
my sex drive lowered."
"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive
is all in your head?"
"You're darned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it
lowered!"
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An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her
final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First,
she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered
over Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
" Twelve thirty."
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc:'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur. Be careful'"
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And last . . . .

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't
hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore,
can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, have lost all my friends. But.....Thank
God, I still have my driver's license!

Barb
Happiness is having time to sew!!

User: Mom of Six
Member since: 11-03-2001
Total posts: 1115