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This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: CodyGramma
Date: 03-18-2006, 05:28 AM (1 of 14)
In Honor of Saint Patrick

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one
guy
looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to
you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you
be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street
did
you live on in Dublin ?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary
Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith &it's a small world, so did I! So did I!!
And to
what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me,
what
year did you graduate?"

The ot! her guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I
can
hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can
you
believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a
beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky , shaking his head &mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight!!!!"

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
User: CodyGramma
Member since: 04-22-2005
Total posts: 133
From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-18-2006, 09:35 PM (2 of 14)
::groan:: almost up to Jan's standard.... :wink:
Chrys
User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002
Total posts: 2414
From: bridesmom
Date: 03-19-2006, 10:58 PM (3 of 14)
Now that was bbbaadddddd! Definitely up to Jan's standards!!!! :nah:
Laura
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D
User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004
Total posts: 2026
From: Magot
Date: 03-20-2006, 10:19 AM (4 of 14)
An Irishman went to the Doctors complaining of problems with his bottom. After several questions the Doctors finally admitted he was going to have to examine him and asked him to drop his pants.
Leaning over, rectal probe in hand, he suddenly exclaimed,
"There is something rolled up in here!" and pulled a 10 note out of the gentlemans' bum. This was replaced by another rolled bill and the Doctor continued extracting his largesse from the benighted son of the Emerald Isle until there was quite a pile of loot at the foot of the examining table.
"Ah, to be sure,That's quite a bit of money - how much is there?" asked our friend of Leprechains after some carefull counting the doctor replied "1999"
"Well now," the Irishman replied."I knew I wasn't feeling 2 grand!"
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
From: Chrysantha
Date: 03-20-2006, 03:11 PM (5 of 14)
oh dear...JAN....muscle spasms and laughter DON'T mix...you nut !!!
:bg: :bg: :bg:
Chrys
User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002
Total posts: 2414
From: Magot
Date: 03-20-2006, 04:38 PM (6 of 14)
heh heh heh - I daren't be outdone!
reminds you of those old adverts, 'eh Kath?

"John Collis Brown mixture for coughs and diarrhoea"
Always thought that was a nasty combination.

By the way a great way to teach kids how to spell diarrhoea is to use the mnemonic:
"Do It Again! Run, Run, Hurry Or Exploding Anus!"
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
From: ninifav
Date: 03-20-2006, 09:01 PM (7 of 14)
Okay, CodyGramma, You are starting to keep some baaad company...Do you really want to be part of the Jan/Dorothy/sometimes Chrys gang??? hehehe P.S. Jan are you really a preacher??? surely, we can come up with a name for her Holy Order???
User: ninifav
Member since: 09-06-2004
Total posts: 204
From: Magot
Date: 03-21-2006, 02:08 AM (8 of 14)
It's true Ninifav. I have 'em rolling in the aisles! (well we don't actually HAVE isles but you know what I mean)
Ignore her CodyGranma - we welcome you into the Sisterhood of Mirth. :love:
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
From: cakedec
Date: 03-21-2006, 09:01 PM (9 of 14)
... that fell into the upholstery machine? - he is now fully recovered!

The short fortune teller escaped from prison, the headlines read,
"Small medium at large"

Did you hear about the guy who fell into a glass grinding machine & made a specticle of himself!

There were two snowmen in a field, one said to the other,
"Can you smell carrots"?

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linolium Blownapart!

Those who jump off of a Paris bridge are in Sane.

With her marrage she got a new name & a dress.

Time flys like an arrow fruit flies like a banana.

Why don't we ever see "Psychic Wins Lottery" ?

Why is it that when a person is driving looking for an address, that they turn down the volume on the radio!

A wife asked her husband "what do you like the most about me? my pretty face, my sexy body or my Betty Grable legs"? he looked at her from head to toe & replied, "Your sense of humor"

A man was walking down the street when he saw this guy with his head sticking out of the ground , the man asked "are you the gas man"? the guy replied
" no my parachute did'nt open"! and now the one that "cracked me up"!.....

A woman shopping in the Supermarket put a lettuce in her cart, then tomatoes ,a pound of butter, a gallon of milk, a doz' eggs & a packet of bacon, as she was placing them on the cashier counter the drunk guy behind her watched every item as she was taking them out of the cart, then he tapped her on the shoulder & said " I bet your single" she was amazed & wondered what on earth have I bought that would let him know that! she could'nt resist turning around & saying "yes I am single but what gave that away" ?? he said............


" because you're ugly" ! ha ha ha ha eeek! [ loved that one] .... bye
User: cakedec
Member since: 02-16-2005
Total posts: 5
From: DorothyL
Date: 03-21-2006, 11:32 PM (10 of 14)
Ohhh -- not another one!
Dorothy
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883
From: cakedec
Date: 03-22-2006, 02:45 AM (11 of 14)
sorry Dorothy...yep another Brit' living in Canada telling lame jokes to Americans - yuv' gotta luv' us, hee hee , luv' n hugs, B.
User: cakedec
Member since: 02-16-2005
Total posts: 5
From: pretnichols
Date: 03-22-2006, 08:13 AM (12 of 14)
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?

"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!"shouted Reilly.

"Does that mean I can keep the money?"


Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."


Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."


Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.


Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keenan: "What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegin: "Waitin' for me to come home."


Kevin Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."


"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"


Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?


My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details of theirs!
Peggy

So little time, sew much to do...........
User: pretnichols
Member since: 10-16-2005
Total posts: 342
From: Magot
Date: 03-22-2006, 12:45 PM (13 of 14)
we are truely blessed

Do you know why the Irish don't do line dancing?

They keep falling off the tracks.

Brits Rule! (well, we did once...)
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
From: cakedec
Date: 03-22-2006, 05:44 PM (14 of 14)
I thought it was because the cloths pegs got in the way! lol,-luv' n hugs B.
User: cakedec
Member since: 02-16-2005
Total posts: 5
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