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From: CodyGramma
Date: 05-12-2006, 06:16 PM (1 of 5)
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These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _______________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. _______________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. _______________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ____________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ____________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning ? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? _________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ______________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ____________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ____________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ____________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ____________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ___________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ____________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ____________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _____________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! _________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? __________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. "Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs." |
User: CodyGramma
Member since: 04-22-2005 Total posts: 133 
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From: Chrysantha
Date: 05-12-2006, 08:38 PM (2 of 5)
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LMAO !!! Perfect...
Chrys
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User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002 Total posts: 2414 
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From: Magot
Date: 05-13-2006, 10:52 AM (3 of 5)
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love the last one!
love and kisses, Jan
Guts-R-Us Cells a Speciality DNA to order. |
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002 Total posts: 3626 
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From: mozeyrn
Date: 05-13-2006, 11:29 AM (4 of 5)
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Too funny! I couldn't be a court stenographer and keep my face straight. I love the one where the witness asks the lawyer if he actually passed the bar exam! That'd be something I'd say. The Cathy/Susan one is pretty good too. - Maureen.
Learning something new with every stitch!! Kenmore 16231000 |
User: mozeyrn
Member since: 11-29-2005 Total posts: 349 |
From: CodyGramma
Date: 05-13-2006, 02:38 PM (5 of 5)
| The one I couldn't stop laughing at was the Oral one! I had tears running on that one! And I agree..that last one is good too! LOL I'm glad you enjoyed them! |
User: CodyGramma
Member since: 04-22-2005 Total posts: 133
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