Date: 06-10-2006, 08:22 AM (1 of 3)
FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the heck out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883
Date: 06-10-2006, 09:49 PM (2 of 3)
Very good Dorothy. I especially liked the one about the fine line between hobby and mental illness, I think I've crossed that line now!
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D
Member since: 01-21-2004
Total posts: 2026
Date: 06-10-2006, 11:29 PM (3 of 3)
Dorothy....I too am a Dave Barry fan...that is until he started making unkind remarks about Dallas in light of the current NBA playoff series between Dallas and Miami.
I mean, please, Shaq and Pat Riely are sooo over the hill.
And we've got the NBA coach of the year...who is in his FIRST year on the job
He's gonna be begging to come to Dallas to see that trophy with the big basketball on top!
Member since: 05-27-2001
Total posts: 240
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