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Sew What's New Archive > JOKES AND QUIPS > This one made me laugh

From: Mom of Six

Date: 08-08-2006, 10:38 AM (1 of 4)

The Middle Wife (By an anonymous 2nd grade teacher)

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids
myself, but the
best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few
years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always
have a few
sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and
usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model
airplanes,
pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place
any
boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school
and talk
about it, they're welcomed to.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing
kid, takes
her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under
her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother,
and I'm
going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
Symbol
of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke
grew in
there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not
to laugh
and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,
oh, oh,
oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around
the house
for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk
and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
but she
doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom
to lie
down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the
wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case
he got
thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming
water flowing
away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
breathe. ' They
started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes
my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from
Mom's
play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her
seat.

Barb
Happiness is having time to sew!!

User: Mom of Six
Member since: 11-03-2001
Total posts: 1115