Sew, What's Up

Sew What’s Up Presents

The Sew What’s New Archive

This archived content is from Mary Wilkins’ sewing and quilting message board “Sew What’s New,” which was retired in August 2007. It is being provided by “Sew What’s Up,” which serves as the new home for many members of “Sew What’s New.”
From: Chrysantha
Date: 09-20-2006, 11:09 PM (1 of 12)

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leane! d over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


A husband re! ad an ar ticle to his wife about how many words women use
a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it,
because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the
Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several
pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

(from my sister...whos NOT married...:up: )

User: Chrysantha
Member since: 09-06-2002
Total posts: 2414
From: Magot
Date: 09-20-2006, 11:13 PM (2 of 12)
I like the silent treatment one!
love and kisses, Jan
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
From: DorothyL
Date: 09-21-2006, 08:22 AM (3 of 12)
Great stuff!!
I liked the milk carton and the in-laws ones.
User: DorothyL
Member since: 12-09-2002
Total posts: 3883
From: MaryW
Date: 09-21-2006, 09:22 AM (4 of 12)
Loved them all. :bg:
owner/editor of Sew Whats New
User: MaryW
Member since: 06-23-2005
Total posts: 2542
From: JennyAlice
Date: 09-22-2006, 08:40 AM (5 of 12)
LMAO!!! So funny!
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate." -Charles Dickens
User: JennyAlice
Member since: 08-12-2006
Total posts: 29
From: Dee Marie
Date: 09-22-2006, 04:21 PM (6 of 12)
Hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.
User: Dee Marie
Member since: 08-10-2004
Total posts: 16
From: Nina Christen
Date: 09-23-2006, 12:54 PM (7 of 12)
Thanks for the jokes, they are hilarious!! I needed a laugh and this fills the bill. Have a good weekend.

User: Nina Christen
Member since: 05-02-2003
Total posts: 36
From: kmccrea
Date: 09-23-2006, 12:58 PM (8 of 12)
Those are funny! I'm pretty sure the wife knows exactly where the man with the cotton and twine is and she didn't even reported him missing.
"The reason I didn't report my husband missing, officer, is because I did not miss him!"
Katherine McCrea
Designer At Large
User: kmccrea
Member since: 05-07-2006
Total posts: 173
From: ebsatt
Date: 09-23-2006, 01:34 PM (9 of 12)
Loved the jokes.:bg: /
I'm a lurker in New Mexico and this is the first time I've posted. I love this group.
User: ebsatt
Member since: 05-07-2006
Total posts: 1
From: Magot
Date: 09-23-2006, 04:42 PM (10 of 12)
Hi there Ebsatt, well done for coming out of the obscurity of lurkdom.
love and kisses, Jan
Cells a Speciality
DNA to order.
User: Magot
Member since: 12-22-2002
Total posts: 3626
From: bridesmom
Date: 09-26-2006, 07:18 PM (11 of 12)
Very good Kath, reminds me of someone I know!
Tickled pink with my Innovis 4000D
User: bridesmom
Member since: 01-21-2004
Total posts: 2026
From: Bekka
Date: 09-27-2006, 02:09 PM (12 of 12)
I e-mailed a copy to all the females in my family.
User: Bekka
Member since: 07-28-2006
Total posts: 79
Sew, What's Up
Search the “Sew What’s New” Archive:
Visit Sew What’s Up for the latest sewing and quilting tips and discussions.
This page was originally located on Sew What’s New ( at